WHY does he do this ? Please help me get this.

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Sorry ,I don't but the book that Johnathan Alderson talked about it in is called Challenging The Myths of Autism. I haven't read the book... I just was at a chapters and heard him speak about his book.

Hi all,

Thank you so much for responding with the ideas and the possible reasons why he may not be talking.

The opinion seems to be that (a) he is not motivated to communicate / talk and (b) he may physically be unable to talk.

The second possibility scares me and I could do with some feedback from you folks. He is scheduled to have an apraxia evaluation / assessment next Wednesday just to rule out the possibility that he really cannot talk ! Talking is a complex fine motor skill and he has severe developmental delays in this domain, so you may be right when you say that he just may not be able to verbally communicate, even though he is able to make sounds.

I have been participating in apraxia and whole body dyspraxia groups, and the outcomes sounds pretty gloomy, There are parents out there who have spent years and years and years helping their kids with apraxia and not everyone has been successful, although eventually most are. If, God forbid, he is deemed to be apraxic, are there resources you could guide me to help him talk ? Would work on other fine motor skills / tasks help ?

Also, while his receptive language has grown leaps and bounds since his 3rd birthday 6 months ago, I should clarify that it is for general routine instructions and regular day to day activities. He still cannot understand more complex "where" questions - but I am hoping it will come with time. He has, nevertheless, come a longggggg way from 6 months ago when he understood NOTHING and was deemed to have the receptive language abilities of a 5 month old. Now, the therapists believe he is about 15 to 18 months old (receptively) and 10 months old (expressively) - up from 7 months old, 6 months ago ! So, there is slow but steady progress.

About joining him in stimming, I am implementing the Son Rise program at home but it makes him suspicious. He is very wary of me and attempts to sneak away to indulge privately in his stims when I go up to him. It is my fault, of course, because I have previously tried to prevent him from stimming, and he is naturally suspicious of me doing what I have stopped him from doing in the past ! It is going to be a while before he trusts me again.

I am so worried about this little man. I hear so many horror stories about this magical window of opportunity for language development and I am terrified that this will slam shut in the next 18 months. I just want hear his voice...

Some people (most in fact), do improve with time. I was very verbal as a child and used new words immediately but having no comprehension of their use. Understanding the purpose of language and how to use it effectively has taken me years and at 29 there is still so much I do not grasp withouth careful deliberation. Which is why I prefer to write. It go mew time. Comprehension of language is more important than verbalizong, so don't sweat! If he does not suffer retardation and can comprehend there are plenty of ways for non- verbal autistics to talk!

This post is kind of upsetting, actually. I spoke at the usual age but this is giving me flashbacks of all the things adults thought I was just doing/not doing out of obstinacy when they were actually very difficult (or only possible for short periods)!

If he only does it when he's very upset, that's probably because he finds it very difficult and stressful to do. I wouldn't be so sure making him desperate enough to talk by doing things to upset him (taking away things that comfort him as someone else* mentioned) will be so beneficial.



So you have a way you could help him communicate and you deny it to him because you want to force him to communicate the way you prefer? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but reading this almost has me in tears.



It really sounds (along with your description of his reactions to you stimming along with him) that he doesn't trust you and feels harassed. Sorry for the bluntness.



I can read without my glasses: for a few minutes, in an emergency. I choose not to. My eyesight would not have improved if my parents had denied me glasses.



Ah, the disclaimer. Sorry I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Funny how you only want to hear the opinions of autistic people if they tell you what you want to hear. "Accept him" sounds like what you really need to hear, and what he really needs.

*EDIT: hmm, I see that person (MountainLaurel) is not an aspie. What a surprise.

It may have been blunt you did present some strong points that I do agree with. It can be emotionally scarring to be told your behaviors and painful lacks are optional and purposeful.

It really does work! Its definitely worth a try
When i stimmed along with the little boy, (we kept touching the grass) we would reach down from our bikes and touch the grass. Sometimes getting off the bikes to touch the grass. It may have been the way the grass glinted off the sunlight and Grandma's yard had nice green grass (its possible the boy was from an area in NJ that had not much grass) yet we would touch the grass. He even held out a blade of grass towards me. According to his foster mother, he's non-verbal mainly and she was surprised he spoke to me. This was the first time i had met him or his family. I'm not sure if anyone ever joined him in "his world" before, however i think i might have been the first.

I did a lot of vocal stimming when I was little.

Do you still vocal stim now? If not, how did you stop?

I hum a lot when I'm alone, but it's usually involuntary. The only way I stop is by realizing that I'm doing it.

Maybe:
1. He still doesn't understand that everything has a name, and that every word was meaningful.
2. He doesn't like what the objects are called.

I personally had a fuss with my mum when I was young, she was teaching me that a cap is called a cap (pointed at a picture inside the book)
I didn't like it, so I said "I want to call it 'Little A Hat'" (The cap had the letter 'A' on it)
"But this thing is called 'a cap'"
"No, I want to call it Little A Hat"
It took me a long while to adjust that I can't just name things the way I want, and I had to go with the others, unless I get to discover some new species of animals then I could name them the way I want.


A lot of parents say that...
There's a famous Japanese manga about how a Japanese mother felt about bringing up an autistic son--which was her first son.
I think it's available in English.
Just google Autism Manga. It took him a long while to learn from the flash cards too.


It feels like you are interrupting him...
If he's staring at some objects, I think he's investigating the object.

I personally like to stare at a burning candle for hours, because I can never correctly guess the route of the next wax droplet.
My friend's brother likes to stare at the water in the sink, thinking it was beautiful.

Thank you for responding. I looked up Autism Manga and the books are available on Amazon.

For now, I am scaling back expectations for my son, as I just discovered that I first need to increase his repertoire of sounds. Then, the words will come. He already does some back-and-forth with me (what I call the sound game) but it involves only a couple of consonants.

I have long since realized that this is going to be a marathon. I was full of woe is me, just the other day, when I ran into a Mom whose 4 year old is apraxic and does not make ANY SOUNDS. Life could be a lot worse. My boy is a sweet, loving child, and, if he wants to take his time to talk, let him. As long as he will eventually get there, who cares when he talks ?

I just want to mention here that some people don't understand what the big deal is with using language. It is a big deal because without language or at least the ability to communicate, we are no different than beasts. Language opens up doors and I want my son to have access to every thing that life has to offer. I don't want him denied opportunities and experiences just because he cannot talk.

Yes, I want him to talk. He can take his time but I want him to eventually verbalize his thoughts, emotions, dreams and desires. If that makes me a baddddd Mom, oh, well, whatever...

So, no offense to those that disageee, but until you have a non-verbal child, and pine to hear his voice, and yearn for him to live a full life with rich and varied experiences, you are in NO position to know what I am feeling, and no one to pass judgment on me.

I don't see a lot of people judging you for wanting him to talk.
What I do see is people not liking the assumption you made that he was refusing to talk because he just didn't feel like it. Many people here have had things that were a result of their disability dismissed as behaviour issues, so you'll naturally get a strong response if you do that.

That is exactly my feeling. Words are wonderful and they have helped the human race unite and survive as a species. Why would a mom not want that for their child? However assuming he is unwilling but able is a strong way to BLAME your child for something he is not doing to spite you or hurt you. Please don't do that to him. Autism is difficult enough as a child.

There is a big difference between making sounds and talking, mentally. Speech (even thinking in words) is a bit of a strain, especially when speaking in a conversation as opposed to talking to oneself. It requires that you understand the other person's frame of mind, which is a sort of multitasking: attention needs to switch back and forth between many things. Typing is easier because it removes part of the complexity of speech by neutralizing tone of voice, but all verbal thinking is a bit of a strain. The trouble isn't in our vocal cords.
As for all this about being a bad mommy and whatnot, hey, I'm a mom. I know how much judgment and conflicting advice moms get and how necessary it is to take it with a grain of salt to stay sane and accomplish anything at all. This is not about being a bad mom, though. Of course speaking makes life easier. Not being autistic makes life easier. A lot of things restrict a person's opportunities, from being visually impaired to gender and ethnicity. But speech is different, isn't it? You mention "the beasts", and that is telling: a person who doesn't speak isn't seen as a person. I may seem outspoken here, but I barely speak in real life, and when I do, it's more often to myself than to others. I often type to communicate with my own husband when he's in the same room. There are some here who are really nonverbal. We are people. It's not wrong to want your son to talk, but don't let that eclipse the importance of giving him a sense of safety and acceptance at this impressionable age.

I'm really sorry you feel that way



Why is it that when someone says"no offense -" they proceed to say something offensive? A lot of us WERE those children. Do you want advice and opinions or not? If you do , you can't proscribe the ones you don't agree with.

Agree with you!