Aspies, do you lack empathy?

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sometimes i lack it.
i probably appear to lack it more than i actually do. its this stone cold facade i have

I only discovered the difference between empathy and sympathy today, so it's too early to tell. It seems that sympathy is when you've "been there," empathy is when you haven't been there but can imagine what it must be like, and you feel their pain or anxiety via that connection. Trouble is, I can't think of any bad situation I haven't been in at one time or another! There must be some corner of hell I haven't visited?

I get the feeling about schedenfraude - I've often felt that a person isn't really complete unless they've felt that. Not nice, but I love it when the underdog finally takes a pop at the baddie. A popular theme in drama.


I've often wished that was the way everybody thought, but that approach can be the last thing some people want when they spill their angst to another. Lots of women tell their husbands of a bad experience, and then when Hubbie starts suggesting this and that to solve the problem, the wife just cries harder and says he doesn't understand at all. I can get a little tired of solutions when I just want my sorrow to be noticed, to be with somebody who has been kicked in the same place. Half of life is sad, and sometimes there are no solutions. Luckily both ways of helping can often exist at the same time. So a rape victim might talk to another rape victim and get the emotional echo as well as a few tips on getting the practical problems sorted.

not nearly as much as I used to

Yes. I lack empathy. I can do sympathy, but frankly not all that well (it's easy to fake, though).

I think that I certainly that i'm not a very emotional person. I find it hard to show many emotions such as remorse, empathy, excitement and other emotions.

I lack it.

Or maybe I have empathy, but no sympathy.

I'm just guessing here.

no

My husband has an interesting experience of this .. he is almost hyper-empathic ( which is not a real word I know )
E.g if I am really upset.. he becomes so upset that I am upset.. he will react one of two ways.. he either shuts down, because he cannot cope with my pain/hurt or he becomes really anxious. Occasionally he will react with anger.
He does feel empathy, but does not express it in a way that would be typical for an NT. He becomes so overwhelmed by it , that he cannot focus on me ( the person who is hurt or upset) he can only focus on his own reaction. So it it not that it is not felt.. in fact it is felt too much to the point of not coping with it.

If things are perhaps not so intense.. he will hardly notice, unless i point it out to him, in which case he is normally apologetic, but it does not seem to register unless it is a strong emotion and then the reaction is unexpected ( at least from my point of view)

I wonder if any of you have similar experiences ?

funnily enough i can empathise with people who have had similar experiences as me in life....and share the same insecurities....but empathising with someone in a different situation is very hard for me....i have to go away and process all the information in depth and it takes alot of brain-cpu cycles to come to some kind of understanding of their situation from their perspective....and even then half the time, whilst understanding them a bit better, i may not have an emotional reponse to this end-analysis.

Loss of a child? My friend had a stillborn earlier this year. I've never been in that position, but I do have children. I have wept bitterly for my friend and that poor little soul. I still do sometimes.

But I am 'empathy impaired'. I don't always feel empathy, and I have an especially hard time deciphering motivation. I feel like I just have no ability to be socially competetive. Maybe because it just takes me so long to comprehend speech. I can't keep up with a conversation. I offend people a lot, by good intentions.

Well with myself, and my dad who's Aspie, sometimes it's like if we let ourselves get really upset in feeling empathy for someone else, we're afraid it might turn into like really major crying and being super upset. So it's easier to mask that with another emotion, like anger, or frustration. So I think what NTs might mistake in Aspies for a lack of empathy, is more like them trying not to show empathy because they might think if they do, it's like letting the floodgates loose and they'll have to be burdened with someone who's crying a pool of tears.

Some say that empathy is to be able to feel what another one feels, but as I see it, you can't feel exactly the same as another one (and not necessarily so strong).
I mean, if I meet one who has lost a dear one, it's still empathy if I feel with the person, although my sorrow isn't so deep as the other one's sorrow?? Nobody would expect it to be - not even the most neurotypical person (if you can say so).
So it's a question how you express it. I don't think one should make the impression that you need to have the (exactly?) same feeling before it can qualify as "empathy".

Another thing is that you can feel sorry for one although you haven't experienced the same yourself. Someone with cancer eg., or someone who has been raped, or lost a child. I haven't experienced any of those things, but anyway, if I meet or hear about some who have experienced it, I get shocked and feel sorry for them. I guess that's empathy.

I'll admit I do in most respects for, often most people tend to think I'm being cold or distant on purpose. Yet, such is not the case as, I'm often not sure how to go about things in a most meaningful manner without causing anxiety for myself if this makes sense?

Losing a child is a thing I never experienced. A neighbour had that happen, but we're not close. I didn't feel much, though I was aware that the mother was probably feeling something very bad indeed. It was a bit difficult because I'd often wished she'd not let her existing kids run riot disturbing my peace so often, and I've always had a vague dislike of the whole family, so I couldn't help but think "at least it'll be less noisy now." I felt guilty for thinking that. I kept my house quiet for them as some kind of mark of respect. I at least knew something very painful must be going on. But she just carried on. Who knows? Once I noticed her sitting on her doorstep telling anybody around who would listen that her husband had gone to see his girlfriend. What got me was her nonchalance, she seemed just mildly annoyed Thick-skinned, or repressing her true feelings, I don't know. I guess empathy can't really be done without the relevent information. And I honestly don't think I care much about people I don't know, though it doesn't take much contact to make me want to protect them.


Socially competitive - is that a good thing? I'm a raving socialist who views competitive behaviour as enmity, unless it's done in a controlled way. I don't disapprove of a competitive game, but for instance, if I join a group and there's nobody making sure nobody gets left out, I feel they've let the whole group down.

That sounds exactly like my dad.

i dont lack empathy at all dont know why tho rly