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Radiofixr
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28 Jan 2013, 10:52 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
How many aspies does it take to change a light bulb? Three.
One to determine the efficacy of fluorescent lighting vs the possibility of electromagnetic radiation.
One to decide whether to buy it online or scour the local hardware stores for discounts.
One to research the depth of force, using theoretical applications of Newton's 2nd Law of Motion, to ensure the correct pressure in screwing the bulb in.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two and I would love to know how the got in the lightbulb in the first place.


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matt
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28 Jan 2013, 11:05 pm

My first thought when reading this topic was "Just kidding; that would never happen."



FishStickNick
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29 Jan 2013, 12:35 am

A neurotypical walks into an aspie bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, hit me." The bartender reaches over and punches him in the jaw.



League_Girl
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29 Jan 2013, 12:50 am

AgentPalpatine wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
An aspie walks into the bar, sits down ad starts playing their game ignoring everyone else tat the table.


You hav'nt sat with people who have smartphones lately, have you? That's not an Aspie joke anymore, that's everyone.



I don't have a smart phone and I don't see many people sitting at the table all using one. They are all talking and socializing.


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Radiofixr
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29 Jan 2013, 8:03 am

An aspie walks into a bar at exactly 8:03pm on a Tuesday evening and the temperature is exactly 52 degrees outside and 75 degrees inside and the lighting is moderately subued and there are exactly 47 people inside and the license plate numbers on the cars closest to the bar are....................


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Sanctus
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29 Jan 2013, 8:09 am

AgentPalpatine wrote:
Aspie in black shirt: Looks like Mos Eisley...

Aspie in red shirt: Looks like Ten-Forward....

Aspie in purple shirt: Looks like the Zocalo.....

Aspie in black shirt: The what?

Aspie in purple shirt: The....

Aspie in red shirt: Ten-forward was really founded by the Borg....

Aspie in purple shirt: The Zocalo....

Aspie in black shirt: Ten-Foward's not even a real bar

Aspie in purple shirt: But....

Aspie in red shirt: Lasers can't hurt starships, Riker said so.

Aspie in black shirt: But Sexton showed that turbolasers were more powerful than phasers

Aspie in purple shirt: Purple/gre.....

Aspie in red shirt: But phasers drilled through 1.5 kilometers in TNG!

Aspie in black shirt: The Death Star destroyed a planet

Aspie in purple shirt: I feel like a shadow!

Aspie in red shirt: Why are you always talking about shadows?

Aspie in black shirt: They called Sate Prestage Palpatine's shadow

Bouncer: Would you gentlemen like to take this outside?


I love you for referencing Babylon 5 :)



AgentPalpatine
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29 Jan 2013, 2:38 pm

There's more than a few jokes for all 3 in there.....


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luminaeus
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29 Jan 2013, 3:46 pm

Sits at the bar, drinks a beer, talks to no one. Goes home feeling like he got out and socialized.



The_Walrus
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29 Jan 2013, 5:43 pm

... steps on the squeaky floorboard at the back a few times, and leaves.



psychegots
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29 Jan 2013, 6:10 pm

FishStickNick wrote:
A neurotypical walks into an aspie bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, hit me." The bartender reaches over and punches him in the jaw.


:lol:



redrobin62
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29 Jan 2013, 7:44 pm

Overheard at the medical clinic yesterday.

NT: Knock, knock.
Aspie: Why are you saying that?
NT: It's the beginning of a joke, Roger. You're supposed to say, "who's there?"
Aspie: But I know who you are. You're my friend Simon and you gave me a lift down here.
NY: Yes, but I'm trying to tell a joke. It requires some back and forth from me and you.
Aspie: You need me to tell your joke back to you?
NT: No. I need you to just play along with me till I get to the punch line.
Aspie: So what do you want me to do?
NT: When I say "knock, knock" you ask "who's there?" Understand?
Aspie: Okay.
NT: Knock, knock.
Aspie: Who's there?
NT: Iona.
Aspie: Your name is Simon.
NT: I know, Roger. When I say "Iona" you're supposed to ask "Iona who?"
Aspie: I am? That doesn't make sense. I've known you since high school.
NT: It's part of the joke. Can't you just humor me?
Aspie: Humor you? Aren't you the one who's telling the joke?
NT: Oh, my goodness! You're giving me a stroke! Can't you just play along?
Aspie: Alright! Geez, for someone who's supposed to be telling a joke you don't seem all that funny.
NT: Okay. Can we start again? No interruptions?
Aspie: Sure.
NT: Knock, knock.
Aspie: Who's there?
NT: Iona.
Aspie: Iona who?
NT: I own a brand new car. You wanna ride?
Aspie: Your car's not new. It's a fifteen year old Chevy Malibu with a dent on the hood.
NT: Have a nice bus ride back home.



kamiyu910
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29 Jan 2013, 8:45 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
How many aspies does it take to change a light bulb? Three.
One to determine the efficacy of fluorescent lighting vs the possibility of electromagnetic radiation.
One to decide whether to buy it online or scour the local hardware stores for discounts.
One to research the depth of force, using theoretical applications of Newton's 2nd Law of Motion, to ensure the correct pressure in screwing the bulb in.


My Aspie brother replied:
"They'll fight over the inefficiency or incandescents vs. the sensitivity of one or more of them to fluorescents... and agree to sit in the dark."


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AspieOtaku
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29 Jan 2013, 10:11 pm

luminaeus wrote:
Sits at the bar, drinks a beer, talks to no one. Goes home feeling like he got out and socialized.
That's pretty much me when I go to a bar hehe.


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redrobin62
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30 Jan 2013, 1:38 am

Have you read the new fairy tale? It's called Snow White & the Seven Aspie Dwarfs. Who are these magnificent seven?

1. Stimmy - Doesn't sit at the table with the others because he uncontrollably waves his hand a lot and sometimes inadvertently knocks the pot of soup onto the floor.
2. Creepy - Not the most popular dwarf, he makes Snow White nervous with his constant piercing stares, inappropriate language and frequent references to ogres no one sees but him.
3. Skepty - The skeptical one of the bunch, he doesn't believe anything anyone says. He walks with a limp because he didn't believe Stimmy when he was told a wild boar was right behind him.
4. Doc - Possessing a weak stomach, Doc was always the first one to faint at the sight of blood. "What kind of doc are you?" Snow White once asked. "I'm a theoretical physicist," he answered, "not a surgeon!"
5. Sad Sack - Generally depressed, Sad Sack sleeps most of the day. This makes the others angry because he doesn't complete his chores and spends his waking hours asking himself, "why me?"
6. Smarty - This dwarf thinks he knows everything. He once tried to outsmart a wolf by telling it that it suffered from persecutory delusion. The twenty stitches Smarty received on his behind took months to heal.
7. Windy - So called because his answers to simple questions often turn into lengthy, long-winded explanations that sometimes fail to address the original question.



WestBender84
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23 Apr 2013, 2:54 pm

O-ho, your jokes are side splitters, especially Red Robin's! :D

Here are mine:

Q: In what did the geneticist with ASD engage?

A: "Stim" cell research! Laughing


Q: Why do I believe the Backstreet Boys are mildly autistic?

A: Because every BB concert after 1998 featured the song "Backstreet's Back," which includes the lyric, "Everybody, yeah, rock your body, yeah!" in the refrain. Rolling Eyes


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AgentPalpatine
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23 Apr 2013, 3:31 pm

I was hoping someone would bring this thread back.

Aspie Bar's sign : "We Rock"


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-CEO Nwabudike Morgan, "The Centauri Monopoly"
Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri (Firaxis Games)