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BuyerBeware
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18 Feb 2013, 12:20 pm

My kids drive me stark raving nuts. My kids are driving me stark raving nuts right now.

I love them, and enjoy them for the most part. I'm not going to tell you I love every little thing they do-- anyone who tells you that has issues. Nobody loves anything anyone does. Even our precious little flesh-of-my-flesh snowflakes can be incredibly annoying.

A friend of mine says I seem not to like my kids, because I tell them when their behavior is objectionable to me and I am honest about the fact that I do not think they are the most perfect little creatures ever. I notice she is the one who cannot take her 8-year-old to the store for him behaving badly-- and I notice that she and her mother are the only ones who have these problems with him.

I sometimes feel guilty for having them-- having given them higher-than-average chances of having Unperson Disease, higher-than-average chances of having unperson children. But they don't know that right now. They are running around screaming and playing superheroes very loudly, and do not realize they are anything but noisy intelligent children who are loved even if they have been driving Mommy crazy all morning.

Maybe I should be sorry. Maybe someday I will be sorry. I have been sorry before. Mostly I love them and enjoy them, I see the pleasure they bring to others and the insights they have, I see them growing into shaping the future in their own ways, and I am glad that they are here.

There are 7 billion people on this rock and they are only 4 more. They are 4 pretty good people with as much right to exist as any others.

I'm really, really, reallly glad I had my tubes tied after the last one, though.


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18 Feb 2013, 2:43 pm

@BuyerBeware: Stark raving nuts. I will have to remember that one.
I don't think I could ever go through the stress of pregnancy and childbirth. It would probably kill me. And with the history of mental disease in both my immediate and extended family, I wouldn't want to, either. Plus, I can never imagine being with anyone that I would like to create a child with.
So, I am thinking of adoption. Maybe a child from Africa? I am unsure. I will have to look into that more.
But no, no biological children for me. Too much risk.



InThisTogether
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18 Feb 2013, 2:51 pm

TheTigress wrote:
I'm childfree by choice. I made my decision to never have kids from the moment I learned of the process and haven't changed my mind since.


LOL in a good way! My daughter (7) heard about cesarean births at around 5.5, and has maintained ever since then that there is no way she is going to have a kid. She also said she will only get married if she can find a boy who doesn't want to kiss! :P

I had no knowledge that I was atypically-wired when conceiving either of my kids. If I were to go back with that knowledge, I'd do it all again, even with the knowledge that my son would have ADHD/NVLD/SPD and my daughter would have ASD.

20 is still very young. I did not get pg with my son until I was...how the heck did I forget that?...um....33, and my daugther at 37. I will say that in my 20's I was way too immature to have kids. The point I am trying to make is I would not worry about it now. You have plenty of time.


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SoftKitty
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18 Feb 2013, 3:02 pm

I don´t have a kid YET and if I happen to have it one day, I will have it mostly for practical reasons; in order not to be left alone in the higher age. But it does not mean I will not love the kid. I will, I know it.

But it all depends on my development in the sexual area. Due to my sensory issues, I have a hard time accepting the touches by other people. I also have a debilitating fear of pregnancy.

But if I ever manage to get over these things (at least a little bit), I will definitely have a kid or two. The problem is that they will probably have some form of autism.


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Heidi80
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19 Feb 2013, 8:03 am

I love kids, but me and my partner have decided not to have any due to our difficaulties.



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19 Feb 2013, 8:55 am

I want to have kids some day, hopefully a boy but i suppose a girl will do =] My sister has two kids and I've always liked spending time with them when ever i get chance to see them.


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Ettina
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20 Feb 2013, 7:08 pm

I definitely want to have kids, but sometimes I worry I won't be able to, since I'm asexual and have executive dysfunction. Neither of those have to prevent having children, but they will make it more tricky.



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20 Feb 2013, 10:15 pm

My mum thinks I am great around children. I haven't really made up my mind. If I did decide to raise children, I would only do so when I have found a committed partner and I would only adopt.



Webalina
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20 Feb 2013, 11:27 pm

I really appreciate the thoughts in this thread. For my whole reproductive life, people made me feel like a blasphemer because I didn't want kids. I could have said that I was a devil worshipper and been less reviled. Now I know that my decision was perfectly normal for those of us on the spectrum.



DJFester
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21 Feb 2013, 5:03 am

There is absolutely no way I would ever even consider the idea. I have too many disabling health issues, which I fear passing down unfairly to my offspring.


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whirlingmind
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21 Feb 2013, 6:27 am

rixxar12 wrote:
I was watching this the other day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35gcBL1ZwY4

Even though i havent had a girlfriend yet, im just 20 and i know i probably will find someone, and im just having anxiety and depression knowing, that my son if i have one, will probably have a mental disorder, i've been reading in internet, and the probability is high if one of the fathers have a mental disease , but i dont know if the probability gets higher, when you have a cocktail of mental disorders(Asperger,ADHD,OCD,Dyspraxia,Dyslexia,Dysgraphia,Depression,Anxiety) and im also currently getting a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder, im not thinking im having that, but my psychiatrist keeps thinking i have it, i cant have antisocial, i do lie, i do manipulate, but i think is just fault of the people that changed me, not me.

Keeping with the thread, the anxiety is killing me, and im probably considering right now, the chance of not having kids just to avoid them from living a hell of a life.

What is your opinion?.


As an Aspie mum to two Aspie/HFA girls, I can understand your fears. My eldest has very bad OCD at the moment. I would give anything to take away their anxieties and have them not have ASCs. I feel incredibly guilty about it, even though logically it's not my fault either as I had never even heard of AS when I had them, and you can't choose your genetics.

Being a parent as an Aspie is hard anyway, when the children have behavioural issues it's even harder. Maybe you should look into the genetics of where your conditions came from - do they run in the family?

It doesn't mean your children would necessarily have a "life of hell". They are very keen to help children with autism and other disorders these days, and this could help them have a more normal life. Because it's normally the mum who spends most time caring for the children I do think it's harder for a female Aspie in that respect as a parent, than it is for a male. So you might not have as much to worry about as you think.


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whirlingmind
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21 Feb 2013, 6:47 am

Marc420 wrote:
I think it would be nice to have a kid but I dont think Ill ever have one because I dont think anybody would ever want a kid from me.


As long as you don't look like your avatar, anything's possible.


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MjrMajorMajor
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21 Feb 2013, 12:25 pm

I love my kids, but I never felt some strange calling to have the traditional nuclear family. I was always terrified when they were infants, because they were so fragile and dependent on me and I'm so absentminded. They're still in one piece, and if I can raise them to be capable and self confident adults then I'm happy.



Rascal77s
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21 Feb 2013, 12:44 pm

I was always careful not to have them because it wouldn't be fair to the kids. I'm just too 'scattered' to be a good parent. When it comes to having kids remember to use condom sense and you should be able to avoid Maury Povich.



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21 Feb 2013, 8:56 pm

I would love to be a father someday. Being a father to an Aspie child would be great because I would
understand my {future} child's perspective in case he or she ever has a breakdown.


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21 Feb 2013, 11:00 pm

I hate children, so I can pretty confidently say I'll never have my own. However, if I ever were to find a woman I could get married with, I'd have a problem, because I love pregnancies. So, I have found out that the perfect wife for me would be a woman who loves being a surrogate mother, but there are few of those, unfortunately. Still, I view it as unlikely that I'll even get married, much less have kids.