What causes you to lose friends over time?

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When I was young I found it difficult to make and retain friends for whatever reasons - a lack of shared interests perhaps. People tended to exclude me from situations where they would go to meet potential girlfriends/boyfriends. When they had found a partner people seemed to feel that they had "outgrown" me and stopped returning my calls.

As I've got older I've found that I just lack the life experience to talk to the people I have stayed in contact with. They've achieved things that I haven't and I just feel awful not having all this stuff. Now it's the case that I don't want to contact them because it's too painful,

1. Location change. In the last ten years I've switched schools 7 times and changed cities 3 times.

2. Me not liking them for one reason or another so I disappear from them for the most part.



That's about it. Girlfriends is another story, but friends I lose by my own choice or location change.

My biggest problem with keeping friends is my inability to keep in touch with them over time.

High school and college are perfect examples. I was so used to seeing these people on a day-to-day basis in school and then once graduation hits, I almost never saw them again. Luckily I had Myspace and Facebook to compensate so I would "chat" with them there, and later on exchange phone numbers. But as for seeing them and hanging out, it has happened very infrequently.

I don't really lose many friends, I just don't make many. When I lost friends in the past it was mainly do to people moving. The one time I recall really loosing a friend the friendship just gradually decayed as I went psycho.

I'm not sure why I've had friendships in the past that hadn't last. I'm good company to be in, I don't monologue about an interest or other same things, I have learnt not to complain too much, I have a good sense of humour, I can do small talk, I make normal eye contact, I am good with conversations one-to-one, I don't interrupt mid-sentence, I am a good listener, I don't talk in monotone, I don't stim, I can empathise, and I know what to say to compliment people and what not to say that could hurt their feelings. And it's not a case of ''I think I know'', it's a case of ''I KNOW I know''.

But I believe I lose friends because of something about me what seems a bit offish. Because I'm so mild, verbal and high-functioning, it's harder for even a professional to pinpoint where I actually go wrong. Maybe also I can seem a little childlike or unknowleagable. I don't watch any TV nor read up about things like current events. Also I lack general knowledge what most people seem to just know, like how to book a flight online, or how advertisements work in shops, or how to cook. But I suppose I could always learn those sorts of things. Also I think I can be quite needy sometimes, and really want to be with them for ages. I don't miss body language cues, but I can ignore it sometimes because of really wanting to be with them longer.

Usually I stop interacting with them once they've exhausted their usefulness. Sometimes they move, or I move. That's pretty much it. I've never had someone else actively break off a friendship with me.

I genuinely don't know why friendships have broken down in the past. I do occasionally notice certain friends exchanging weary looks with each other over my head so it's obvious that I've committed some sort of social faux pas that they won't tell me about. I am experiencing that at the moment with some old friends of mine from my university years-we used to get on fantastically and have been on holidays together but now they keep arranging stuff and not inviting me. They blame the fact that I work shifts but, to me, it just seems like too convenient an excuse-I could do stuff with them during the 13 weeks holiday that I get every year but they don't take that into account and pull out of things that I organise in the times when I am free. I do still get on with them but it doesn't feel the same any more. They share stuff between themselves that I am unaware of and then commit further social mistakes relating to this. I do think a lot of people don't get me.

I just don't keep in contact when I "move on" be it back when I graduated college or left jobs. Poor networking decision

I have no idea. I don't make many friends, but the ones I had made in the past just suddenly were not friends anymore. I'm afraid it is happening again with someone I have been friends with for just over a year.

I have one friend that it almost happened with... but after about a year of her not talking to me much, we became friends again. This is the longest lasting friendship I have ever had... 8 years. As for my other friend... I was hoping we could be good friends because she is really fun and quirky... but it isn't looking good right now maybe it will get better like the other one...or maybe it will end like all the other ones.

I almost want to stop trying to make friends because losing friends hurts more than not having any

I just don't feel like hanging out with most people. Then there are those people that I want to hang out with, but then they turn out to be total jerks.

The biggest problem is not having them in the first place to lose.

Most of the (few) friends I've had I've met through special interest groups. Once the special interest is no longer my special interest the glue that kept the friendship together comes unstuck for me and I just drift away to some other special interest group and new "friends". I know this always happens, so if I feel someone in a special interest group is trying to get too friendly I stop going to the group. Better to do this than hurt people when I finally drift away (which has happened in the past and I did feel really bad about it. But when something is over for me, it's over).

Neglect, mostly. I might just stop responding to the other person's overtures to do things because I'm not in the mood (and the other person will eventually give up trying), or I won't think to try and strike it up with the other person again.

I wish I knew

Cannibalism, sadly.

For NTs being friends often means that they have more need to see each other then I can offer. When my partner and I meet new people, there are some that like us, and would like to meet us more often again. But I cannot manage to meet people that often, specially during week, when I had to work before and need the evening for relaxing. Because of us then so often negating invitations, for many sadly it seems as if we were in generally not interested to meet them.

I do like to go out with people and have fun, but I simply cant do that more often then once every two weeks, as well as doing normal visits to or by friends more then 1-2 times a week, is for me very burdening.

As well that sometimes, I simply have really bad days, where I cannot visit people and if they have invited you to a birthday or a party, and then you need to tell them on the same day, that you cant come, because of feeling not so good, some start to think bad of me, specially when that happens more often. So it seems to them, that I am simply not interested about visiting them, and so would tell them excuses, when in reality I am myself sad, about being unable to go there.

It makes me really sad, and I can as well recognize peoples disappointment, which makes me sad as well, but I cant help it. I tried to force myself to go to such things, ignoring, that I felt bad that day, but that only ended in bad ways.

Sucks, but I have accepted it by now. So most of the friendships or potential friendships I loose, is simply because of the small amount of social contact, that I can offer.

Loosing common interests with friends also sucks. If there is only one thing that I had in common with a person, and that person changes the interest, it is hard for me to be in contact. So even when I like that person, socializing with him/her becomes a pressure for me, so its no fun anymore. And because of me having in general less ressources for socializing, spending an evening with a person that I dont share an interest with, and so makes that evening fun instead of work for me. Which pretty sucks, if you hardly are able to socialize once a week, so one week you force yourself to meet a friend that has no interest with you, so you cannot enjoy that. Next week is wasted with an forced "family day" that drains all energy... so all of that forced socializing out of polite reasons, often leads to me having only 1-2 social events a month, that I really enjoy on myself. Sucks.