Aspie Niaivety: I used to think bullies were only children

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Yes, unfortunately that is very real, and abuse is never excusable or justifiable. Being beaten for any reason, emotionally or physically, is serious on all accounts. The abuser, whether NT or AS, is usually triggered into their negative pattern of behaviour.

If one wrongfully has their jaw broke because they came home and their abuser found out they shop lifted it is not any more justifiable than if one startles their abuser setting off a chain of unfortunate events. Abuse is not justifiable, breaking someone's jaw is not reactive behaviour that can be excused or diminished.

A natural behaviour of one being abused is to rationalize. and whirling mind just posted and beat me to it:



this.

As a child, I was always on guard for everybody, as I was abused by other children and misunderstood and judged by teachers. Age doesn't really mean anything when it comes to things like this, as there is most likely always a reason. I don't really find it too shocking but it's still gross.

Constantly being intimidated by others turned me into a bully towards weaker links but I stopped when I made friends after joining special ed. My only allies were my imaginary friends and I lived in my own world because reality was frightening. As a child I was the leader of an imaginary nation and when others made fun of me, it was seen more as a war than as degrading. I feel like I wouldn't be here today if I'd taken life seriously then but even if it wasn't a problem then, it's left scars for today and sometimes, I do feel the need to make others feel bad about themselves because the world has stripped me of all security I have of myself.

It's shameful and I'm not saying it's right but sometimes bullying is needed for certain people or else they'll break. but it wouldn't be like that if bullies didn't exist in the first place, so..

and yeah, I'm working on not being a horrible person.

Whirling mind, we get bullyed becouse were the easist target and the easy ones get hit first and often. Bullys are mostly weaker people so only certin kinds of people make good targets or them. I would love to get to understand my personna from the outside so I could see what others see, I know though I appear very different and appear to lack the abillity to manage these kinds of incidents(no friends, thinking impairments etc.) for a start, so what more could a bully ask for? High functioning autistic people make the best targets becouse of how weak meny of are at defending themselves yet unlike most disabled people receve next to no protection, in my case in school the teachers usually sided with the bullys. Take yourself away and the bully will move up the ladder of people to the next in line, thats how they work.

There was a thread here about bullying and 'why it's great' there was even an article in it that explained how bullying is ingrained in society while defending it. So yeah it doesn't end when you graduate from public school as much as teachers, parents and other relatives might say that to make you feel better.

I suppose I didn't really ever think it stopped after childhood since I was bullied/singled out by a few teachers...I figured it was just something I had to put up with though I didn't recognize it as being wrong just figured I did something to deserve it. But yeah dealing with that a lot as a kid can make adult life even harder, at least in my experiance I have such low self-esteem and am never sure of myself so its hard for me to even know when someones crossing lines they shouldn't with me, of if I am just being over-sensitive about it.

Some so-called 'adults' bully because they are hurting and ignorant; however most people are generally cooperative and functioning from the altruistic motivation, but beware, as it is possible for that situation to change at the drop of a pin.

Sometimes I cry from reading in the newspaper sad stuff about how people were hurt by other people.

I was taught as a child not to bully and so never did participate when other children did that, and t always stood up for the underdog; however, looking back, I think I did it on one level just to be "good" and accepted by my parents who were big hypocrites in this regard, though the desire to not bully was for me in some way emotional, so real, too. In any case, there are many ways to harm people besides participating in bullying, such as, for one, just being insensitive, and I have done my share.

The main thing is to personally look for the antidote to human suffering which is to strive to develop and greatly amplify in oneself the altruistic motivation, as other people can feel it right away, and it changes their behavior, too.

And do not fall into a nihilistic state. Many if not most humans will risk their lives to save a child or a person who is injured or being harmed, and they will take care of sick and old people, generally speaking. Try to focus in this direction..

Bullies are everywhere. They're like locusts in a plague and scattered everywhere. Unfortunately, right here on Wrong Planet, they also festoon like a sore, a green boil that needs some kind of IV antibiotic to heal. Yuck.

Do you mean that there are bullies on WP? I guess being on the spectrum doesn't stop people from having the same deficits that are in the general population. I see bullying as a deficit, sadly the bullies probably see it as a positive, because to them, it's about power and control.

I'm sure everyone can bully, keep in mind though not everyone here is on the spectrim, some of the worst I have seen in my short time here had "neurotypical" as their profile diagnosis.

The situation on this forum is a little unique in that that are rather strict rules about rudeness, and they are somewhat enforced, as I have seen conversations stopped and even entire threads where most people were genuinely communicating, but a couple of people were arguing, abruptly shut down. I do think an aspie might have a lot more emotional investment in being on this particular forum than an nt, so less likely to bully in this situation; however, the important thing, it seems to me, is not who bullies. That approach is based on too much subjective abstracts and generalizations. Also, if a person thinks/feels that everybody is bullying him, he is probably more likely to be bullied, and if there a whole bunch of people who think like this, they are presumably less likely to bully. Does this mean that aspies have inherently less of a potential to be cruel because of some kind of genetic characteristics? No---to me that idea is ridiculous. In fact a lot of them can probably be more cruel (because they are smarter:-)

I don't see how being smarter has anything to do with being cruel or a bully. I believe smart people are much less likely to bully.
Bullying on forums is often an attempt to exclude certain people and establish a social hierarchy. That shouldn't happen on an autism community forum.

hmm..you do seem to have missed the entire meaning of my message...

.re smart people---that was a side point, but.yes, probably smart people can be more cruel as they can figure out more subtle and sophisticated ways to do it...better game players:-) by smart i do not mean intelligent, meaning by intelligent---having understanding and compassion...but again this is just a side point, so do not get stuck here...

re bullying on this forum, i have been here three months and have never seen it...i have seen some rude people...which imo could be as much an example of a healthy forum as an unhealthy one depending upon how you look at it....as to me the internet does not exactly equate to social conditions in ordinary life, nor should it......and people have a venue where they can experiment, go a little bit outside the box, and so the learning curve can go up quite rapidly.....should politeness be mandated on an internet forum?---generally, no, it seems to me,, but it would depend on the context---on a forum such as this i can definitely see a rationale, but do not start thinking that to mandate politeness is going to generate compassion. It could possibly lead to conditions that might help facilitate communication and so lead to things going in that direction, but it can also cripple and enable people...i would suggest to perhaps tone down a bit on the enforcement of such a policy, though the enforcement is already kind of lax, and that is probably good....people trying to do good by enforcing and following set rules often can do more harm than good...it is really kind of interesting....

in terms of social hierarchy, am i missing something? i think anyone here can post on any thread, though i may be wrong about this, so how can anyone be excluded??? please answer, as i just don't get it....i used to be a preschool teacher, and i would always stop bullying, but not necessarily individual squabbles, in a really good school they will not interfere too much as children that age kind of have to work some stuff out for themselves, as it part of a developmental process, so you kind of need to watch and see if it starts to go over the edge, and then at that point maybe have a dialogue, not just intellectual, but with love....

.... ..

I didn't mean excluded from posting on threads. I meant the kind bullying that is not likely to happen on a site like this because it takes a lot of social instincts and inclination, much like when high school students attempt to form social dominance. A person who thinks he is being bullied will feel excluded. I think on this site people are interested in content and what is being communicated. I do believe that intelligent people and especially people on the spectrum are less likely to bully because they are not so concerned with social dynamics.

Most of the NT bullys I see here I think are either just good old honest forum trolls who come here to simply give us a hard time for a few days or so or resentful family members of an autistic people or simular. I have noticed bad threads and posts disappear aswell, the moderators here really do a good job dealing with all the fun that happens here. These kinds of issues happen on meny and all forums to some degree.

apparently i was a one time "bullied", i not really sure about it- i know it made me mad i wasn't really sure why or what about
but i mentioned in passing at home mom called the school and they asked me to point her out so i did, but really if you don't like someone couldn't you at least have the decency to be upfront about it? i mean the girl kept going in circles and vague comments i couldn't even be
sure if she was insulting me- though I'm reasonably sure she was. if you're an adult and you do that crap though really you're more of an "adult" and you need some help with your personality