Unemotionals

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According to my mother, I was born somewhat like that, on the hypoemotional side. I mean. She always theorized this was due to trauma, but she also described me this way right after I was born, and I doubt I was traumatized at or prior to birth.

I am definitely more emotional than you, but my ability to display emotion is fairly restricted, and often I don't feel emotion unless it's intense. Or, sometimes, being around people being excessively emotional makes me fairly uncomfortable, like I'm being stabbed by other people's emotions (like the intense world describes, perhaps). Other times I can be utterly insensitive and oblivious to any kind of emotional climate. I suspect my sensitivity is at least some degree of vigilance or hypervigilance due to trauma.

When I make eye contact it is physically uncomfortable, like staring into the sun. It's not really an emotional thing, although it prompts emotions at times.

My therapist thought I was emotionally numb, but I feel completely normal being at the level of emotion I exist at, not numb at all. I don't know what it's like to be more emotional than I am, and it's not something I particularly regret or miss.

I do think that, based on my experiences with anxiety and meltdowns, that I actually do have some emotions without being able to identify them or being unaware of them until they become overwhelming.

This thread is very interesting - thank you for starting it.

I was not hypoemotional as a child but I didn't display emotions like NT children so my parents came to the conclusion that I didn't have any. We're ok now though. They realized that I do have emotions pretty early.

Verdandi, you sound like my partner.
That's not a strictly aspie thing though, there are lots of other diagnoses.

Last edited by Anomiel on 15 May 2013, 1:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I remember the term "flat affect" being used multiple times in reports about me in my youth.

Does anyone else have the not having emotions in memories thing? That one is really strong for me, as in lack of detection of any emotions in most memories.

I feel emotions pretty well - particularly negative ones - but I have trouble identifying them, so they usually manifest as physical sensations. For example, I know I am stressed only because I feel mildly nauseous for no reason and get acid reflux; I know I am embarrassed when my face heats up but my ears feel cold. I'm slowly learning to try and identify them better, because being unaware and repressing them is having negative effects on my psychological health as I don't realise that there is a problem I need to fix. Deep or strong emotions I rarely experience. Love is a very tricky one, as is hatred.

As for emotions in memories, I don't understand that either. I can logically assume that I was happy/sad/angry in a memory based upon my actions within it, but remembering the actual feeling is much harder; even times of great emotion feel like they happened in a dream that you forget upon waking. I make up for it by applying the feeling the memory invokes in me instead - if I did something embarrassing without realising at the time, when I recall the memory I feel embarrassed and can't remember how I originally felt.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. It's an interesting topic. Trying to imagine how other people's minds process action and emotion is an interesting challenge. If given the choice to feel more emotion, would you?

Yeah, the memory thing is like what I have, but I find it hard to know what emotion I would have felt in the original situation and also to feel the feeling again. But I can bring up the feeling of hungry when I am not hungry but do need to eat, like when my mother wants to take me to a restaurant, and I don't feel hungry, so I tell her to wait fifteen minutes while I prepare the hungry feeling, and it often works when I haven't eaten in awhile.

I don't think that I would want to feel more emotion, because I don't understand what that would be like. But I had assumed that most autistic people were like me, hypoemotional and hyposensitive to social things, but that doesn't seem to be the case on WP, but WP is not general autistic population anyway.

That's interesting; I can sometimes bring up the physical sensation of emotions because they're stored in some of my memories, but I can't bring up the feeling of hunger because it's not in any of my memories and I often don't feel it when I should. Yet I can bring up other sensations by remembering them -- like the feeling of sweat in my eyes or wind on my skin.

I don't do well with guessing at what emotion I might have felt either...if emotion is not part of a memory then I can't superimpose it.



I don't understand how emotions can be anything but physical sensations (not like nausea or acid reflux, though -- I don't get those with emotions) and I identify my emotions quite well...just not in words. Meaning I usually know why I feel something and can recognize feelings I've had before, but my brain doesn't do well with categorizing and abstracting the concrete information into words. I can do broad categories, but beyond that I do a lot of guessing and I often choose the wrong words if I try to describe what I feel.

I think that this is not an unusual experience, though. I mean autistic people finding that most other autistic people are not like them in particular ways. Most autistic people (85%) are not as emotional as NTs and deal with various forms and severity of alexithymia. Many won't necessarily be as unemotional as you are, but many will be unemotional to some extent. Lots of Aspies seem to really identify with the "logical, rational, unemotional" thing.

I do not know that being aware of other's emotions is always a matter of sensitivity to social things. Someone who can't identify their own emotions will probably have a hard time identifying others' emotions even if they can sense them. This is one of the reasons that others' emotions bother me.

I don't think I'm completely unemotional.
I only have basic emotions.
Also, I tend to have a lot of swings.
I can be emotionless and become suddenly aggressive a second later.
Most of my swings tend to be from emotionless to angry then happy for a few seconds and then emotionless or angry again.
I hardly ever feel sad.

About affect, it's not that my affect is really flat.

In my reports they've always written "flat affect", but the truth is that I express affect in ways that others can't understand.
Like, as a child I was more likely to express affect to my parents by making a drawing for them.
I may even hug or kiss them at times, but not that much.

But my parents have always understood that making drawings for them was my way of expressing affect, also they've never needed much affect to be showed to them, because they knew I felt it (also, I don't think that, if you actually feel affect, you need to show it that often).

This issue is difficult for me at times. In my case, it's me at times needing some emotion from a loved one or some 'emotional support.' I can tell he doesn't know what I mean. I wouldn't mind that except he doesn't seem to want to learn. That is the difficult part. He basically just wants the issue to go away asap, and that's hard for me not to view as his being selfish.

It's very hard for me to understand what it means not to have emotions yet care about someone. To me the two go together. I know intellectually that isn't the case, but, I don't understand it, especially, yeah, especially on an emotional level.

Also it's difficult that it seems I am supposed to be in a good happy mood all the time, or he gets nervous (visibly shakes if he thinks I am upset at him rather than just upset, even though I take care to tell him I'm not upset at him, and it wouldn't be a big deal anyway), or he gets totally withdrawn and either leaves the room, or goes and naps.

That for me is the hardest part of the relationship.

What do you mean? Emotionally?

I don't think anything on this forum is strictly an "aspie" thing, it's the combination of factors that make it autism.

Yes, emotionally.
Let's not mark words. It was ASD I meant. There are other diagnoses where that is the primary feature. I'm not talking about AsPD, though my partner do have a whole lot of that in his family too.
That's basically a core feature of schizoids.

Last edited by Anomiel on 15 May 2013, 3:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.

What kind of emotional support are you looking for with your partner? If he doesn't know what you mean, then how can you say he just doesn't want to learn? I'm asking this as an honest question, because that just doesn't make sense to me.

Some people will give emotional support, and other people will offer practical support, so it is hard for each to learn the other way. It's not natural, the other way.

Mark words? I knew you meant ASD. I wasn't correcting you or lecturing you, just agreeing that yes other diagnoses feature emotional hypoactivity, and that there are more elements to a diagnosis that makes it autism.

It's situational and I try to tell him what I need at the time, but could be anything from a hug, to listening while I vent a bit (and I've learned to calmly vent long ago, as I know he's sensitive to vocal tones), to reassuring me with soothing words. That type of thing. If I am feeling confused on an issue, then I might want his feedback.

Did that clarify?