r_mc wrote:
I had an AS "stalker" recently (he wasn't malicious, just a bit pathetic). Most of my social life centres on my University's Scifi society. They have monthly "bar nights" were we all go to the union bar and hang out for an evening. this guy graduated from the university 10 years ago, but still comes along even though he lives in a town 80 miles away and knows nobody at the society. He has pursued every female in the society, much to the annoyance of everyone, so I guess it was just my "turn". Late one barnight I was a bit tipsy and chatting to someone there whilst he was within hearing range. I made the mistake of mentioning that I'm single, and suddenly I was the only person there he wanted to talk to. I didn't manage to put two and two together at the time, and it was only later, when he emailed me that I realised he was interested. He invited me out to a bonfire party, which seemed quite sweet and I was actually quite intrigued, as I don't tend to get many offers and he did seem quite nice. I couldn't make it due to other commitments so I sent him a chatty (not flirty) reply and told him I'd see him at the next barnight.
He turned up blind drunk and proceeded to get drunker. He followed me around all night and wouldn't give me a seconds peace. I tried to tell him that I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, that I wanted to get to know him as a friend, but it was all to no avail. I didn't know what to do and had to hide in the ladies' toilets. One of the other women in the Scifi society came to my rescue, told me that I wasn't the only one to have recieved this treatment and suggested that I get one of the men to pretend to be my boyfriend for the evening. This wasn't a tactic I'd ever heard of before, but it seemed a good way to get the point across without embarrassing either of us. It didn't work. He still pursued me whenever my "boyfriend" had his back turned and when he saw him in the gents gave him a morose monologue about how he "always got all the women" (he'd performed this "service" for one of the other women who'd recieved this guys attention) and that he hoped he'd look after me. Eventually I crept away early feeling quite shaken by the whole ordeal. The guy was spending a weekend in town and came along to another Scifi event the next day (a play put on by the uni drama society). There he approached me again and I told him on no uncertain terms that I didn't fancy him. I felt awful, as he seemed quite upset, but it was the only way I could think of to do it.
He later sent me an apologetic email telling me that he had AS and that that was the reason he'd been foolish (I think desperation + AS is a more likely explanation). Now, I can sympithise with his lack of social ability, and I've made an arse of myself in similar ways myself, so I tried to give him some pointers as to how to get along with the rest of the Scifi society (who were at that point discussing whether or not they want to exclude him permamently as he puts off female members) and explained that I didn't fancy him but wouldn't mind getting to know him as a friend. I haven't hear from him since.
My analysis of his behaviour is that he wants something to put his penis in (I'll edit that phrase if it's a bit graphic for this forum), but lacks the social ability to trawl through bars and clubs like most NT men do when they're in a similar position. He therefore visits the Scifi society, a place he's been comfortable in the past that is very accepting of those who are strange, to try to pick up women (no interest in befriending anyone other than single females). He doesn't realise that the women are wary of him because he's a random stranger with no friends in the society, and that they are far more likely to go out with the men close at hand who they know well and see frequently. And there's not exactly a shortage of decent men on offer- the university's a tecnology and science one with a 4:1 male:female ratio (the ratio is lower in the Scifi soc, but still...). I still feel a bit sorry for him, but I certainly won't tolerate any more advances from him.
Well, from the other side, let me ask you this:
I am a single guy who is sometimes desperate, and I don't have many chances to meet girls. All of my classes are in the sciences, and in addition to the gender ratio in these classes typically being quite skewed, the girls in science don't interest me. In addition, my friends have not been of help in introducing myself to any single females.
I have been told by several friends, and I see where they're coming from, that one of the best ways to meet people is to attend the meetings of various clubs on campus. If I do this, with the intention of trying to introduce myself to girls and letting them know I exist, considering my social skills aren't the best, what can I do to avoid being in the position of that guy? (In other words, how can I make it so the fact that I am initially a stranger to them does not make them repelled by me?)
25 Jan 2007, 9:24 am
heh.heh.heh.
