Searching for those who think similarly.

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No - not in the slightest. I never said that. If Bumble doesn't want therapy, it should be given to someone who does. Simple.

And I never said that Bumble's problems were just in her mind. Not at all. I'm saying that she is not alone in her thinking. I'm not saying life is easy, or a bed of roses, or anything like that.

Don't put words in my mouth, and don't take your agro out on me. I don't think you read my posts.

Oh yes, I remember your posts from the Haven - do you not remember mine? Please don't jump to such conclusions.

Last edited by octobertiger on 17 Nov 2013, 4:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Pardon?

EDIT - this isn't a good road to go down. I never meant anything as a negative at all. However, what I said could be construed by some in a non-helpful way, when it definitely wasn't meant in that fashion.

I apologise if anyone took any offence. None was meant. I don't think Doofy took my post in the right way. Maybe I didn't express myself clearly enough. I wish the OP well.

I am waiting for therapy but they can't do my initial phone assessment until Saturday. I went to my dr and asked for the referral because

1 I have been having aggressive thoughts towards people who have abused me/bullied me in the past and

2 I have been feeling depressed and suicidal of late.

3 I have been getting upset in public, bursting into tears, keep talking to myself (which I do more of when I am very stressed out as it seems to soothe me...it is just not good when I forget I am outside and do it. People will avoid the crazy lady nattering to herself) and if I keep hitting myself on the head when I get upset I will give myself a concussion one day! I don't know why i hit my head but I am beginning to think it might be worth getting hold of a horse riding helmet if I can't stop myself from impulsively doing it.

3 I needed someone I could talk to who might be able to help, but if I get one more "if you relax the social stuff will come to you naturally" before they skip over the problem and try to ignore it, I will probably come home and scream instead. I am trying not to think about it. If they can't help with the social issues they may be able to help me with other stuff, such as explaining the way people think. I thought maybe I could ask the therapist to explain how others think to me so that I can understand them better or maybe even try to empathise with them (I feel sad for people but that does not always mean I understand what they are thinking or feeling..I just don't like seeing someone upset and seem to want to try to help them feel better when I do. Unfortunately I am not able to help because I don't really understand their thoughts and feelings well enough to do so). They are therapists, I assume they have an understanding of such things! After the initial assessment I shall prepare some questions to take with me.

I assume I can ask my therapist such questions?

I hope you feel better in the future..

I have been through what you describe..and eventually I decided I was going to be my own best friend..and be completely free to be me..regardless of what anyone else thought...

It's' really helped me to start a blog..so i can actually see my self talking to myself..and photography has helped me an interesting way to be creative...as kind of an actor to 'play' with life...

And I do dance with music all by myself.. as my wife is not much into dancing.. The dance and music takes me into the focus of now..and the past and any worries melt away...

I'm not sure if any of this could ever work for you...but my feeling is we humans are all connected even if we don't have real relationships...

And the more I become my own friend..the easier it is for me to connect with strangers who may be very much different from..me...

It's almost like an epigenetic phenomenon where a new continent of my brain has been opened...

And it happened at 53..and would seem to me to potentially even be easier for a much younger person...

So good luck..and your life is very valuable..as there are others like you here that can relate and gain inspiration from your words here...

I cannot make anyone understand I do not hate myself and it is really getting me down. It is driving me insane actually and I feel like I am losing my mind.

Does anyone ever feel like they are losing their sanity?

I don't mind making mistakes..they are often necessary, they help me to learn
I do not fear failure itself
People say being socially introverted is wrong or bad but they don't explain why in a way that makes sense, ergo I don't believe them. I see nothing wrong with being socially introverted or different.

People say I am hard on myself, how?

I eat right, exercise, treat myself, go out on trips, pamper myself with massages at the local beauty salon (do like massage), don't beat myself up when I make an error, don't hate myself for being different and can't see what is wrong with not being a social butterfly or extroverted chit chat.

I just wanted to enjoy my life and pursue those things that I am passionate about. Life is about beauty, and love, and passion, and adventure and art and science and nature and the wonderful things out there to experience and learn about. Life can be the most magnificent of gifts, but it can also bring such great suffering.

I am lonely. I wanted someone special to enjoy all that life has to offer and to make happy memories with. I enjoy intimacy, i enjoy cuddles (with a partner anyway), I wanted someone to share laughter with and adventure with...but someone who could cope with my buggering off on my own sometimes so I can recharge my brain cells (need head space) lol.

I never did care much for a huge circle of friends, mostly because I can't cope with the amount of social interaction that takes and not because there is anything wrong with the person (sometimes people are incompatible but that does not mean that either one is 'wrong' or 'bad'), so I do not mind some people not liking me. I couldn't cope if everyone in the world liked me and wanted to be my buddy! Eeeek. Too much social chit chat.

But just because I like brain cell recharging alone time that does not mean I like being in complete isolation. Finding someone to go on adventures with and get up to mischief with (as long as it doesn't break the law) and enjoy some intimacy with would be best but a very best friend would be nice to find as well as long as we share some mutual interests or a similar sense of humour (tricky with me as I have a warped sense of humour and find things funny other people don't!) or both.

And I know I probably shouldn't post this openly online (so people keep telling me) but it is better for me to sit here making this post then it is for me to stay in bed thinking about committing suicide.

I'd usually be out but today I am just too tired. I have been out all day every day trying to socially interact (amongst other things ie going to the gym on some days) for the last 3 and a half months.

I am quite frankly exhausted. Horribly exhausted and all I seem to want to do is sleep and/or eat at the moment.

What I was doing isn't working so I am going to have to rethink things.

And in a completely unrelated matter I wish my needle craft magazine subscriptions would arrive. Other than sleeping and eating I have a yearning to sit and knit.

You have given very precise parameters for what you want from a friend. Therefore the odds are pretty low of finding a person who meets them just by going out and randomly socializing. When you ignore the parameters, you wind up with people you are incompatible with, such as the man who wanted to have friends over smoking pot in your house. When you stick firmly to the parameters, you wind up completely alone or with only acquintances you talk to at the gym or other places.

It might be a good idea for you to look objectively at your parameters and make some decisions about which ones you would need a potential frind to adhere to strictly and which ones are not so mandatory. Then you will have a better idea of what sort of person you are looking for and where you might be more likely to find them. The scattershot approach is clearly not working.

Here are some parameters you have given throughout this and other threads:

1)Think like you or be able to accept the way you think- so already you are framing things in terms of wiggle room, which is good. The parameter of thinking like you is not mandatory, it is also acceptable for them to think differently so long as they accept the way you think. A person who thinks like you or alternatively who is fine with the way you think might be found outside the mainstream, in places where odd, eccentric or artsy people congregate. The catch is that if they don't think like you but are simply people who are fine with neurodiversity/difference, you would also need to accept the peculiar way in which they think even if you didn't understand it. You can objectively assess which differences you would find acceptable in a friend and which you wouldn't.

2)Be willing to leave you alone when you need down time from socializing-there are many people who need alone time just as much as you-pretty much all introverts. The tricky part is synchronizing your mutual needs for downtime- getting them to happen at the same time..

The other tricky part is squaring these two parameters. What if you meet somebody who thinks just like you but is very clingy? That won't work. The more parameters a single friend must meet, the lower the odds go of finding somebody who both meets those parameters and wants to be friends with you.

A more succesful approach might be finding one friend per parameter. For example, hang out with the artsy freaky people for outings and acceptance but meet them on their turf (such as a crafts fair) where they can go off and hang out with a different friend when your capacity for socilaizing is at an end for that day. For somebody to meet the need for one-on-one friendship, perhaps find an introvert (wherever they may be in your town- probably all over the place but quietly hanging on the sidelines) but don't expect them to also meet the need of being fully accepting of your quirks such as peculiar sense of humor. You might meet somebody who has the same need for down time that you do and is accepting of your style of thinking (or shares it) . That would be great. But it's statistically more likely that any given person will only meet one of your parameters so you will need multiple friends.

Can I just pick one parameter which is most important to me and find a friend using that. I don't cope well with too much people interaction.

I don't need more than one friend and one life companion. I can cope with that if they are able to accept my quirks. It's all I need really.