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qawer
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11 Dec 2013, 6:02 am

screen_name wrote:
I don't tend to view the "case 4" scenarios you mention as bullying (I tend to detest the word for various reasons), but as me being seen as everyone's "pet" and not an equal. That is probably what you are describing.


Yes it is. You can call it what you would prefer to call it. By the end of the day it means they think you are worth less than them (which you easily perceive as them considering you their little "pet") , and should therefore appease them, please them and look up to them so as to be allowed to be part of their pack despite your (in their eyes) low status.

That really disgusts me.



screen_name
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11 Dec 2013, 6:23 am

That may disgust you more than it does me. I don't feel as strongly about it as your words seem to me.

To be most accurate I feel like a beloved pet savant. Perhaps often elevated in status for certain things, but always seen on a different plane. It's not completely unfair, but it does feel lonely.

Sadly, I don't see a better place for me to exist.



qawer
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11 Dec 2013, 6:30 am

screen_name wrote:
That may disgust you more than it does me. I don't feel as strongly about it as your words seem to me.

To be most accurate I feel like a beloved pet savant. Perhaps often elevated in status for certain things, but always seen on a different plane. It's not completely unfair, but it does feel lonely.

Sadly, I don't see a better place for me to exist.


If they treat you properly, then it could be all good and a win-win situation. You listen to their orders, but you are still treated properly. That can definitely be a great situation.

It is only if you're treated like s**t I feel as strongly about it as my words indicated.



Dan_Undiagnosed
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11 Dec 2013, 6:56 am

I've had this problem. As a couple people on the first page pointed out, the meek are expected to take crap but not give it. I've tried to make sure I've given criticism as tactfully as I can to make sure that wasn't the problem. It seemed like that just made it worse, like they think you're even softer because you're trying to avoid confrontation. Usually I have to assert myself just so they know that's not happening then I walk away with another burned bridge behind me feeling like a complete d**k any time I remember them while they probably got over it the next day and went on to being over sensitive hypocrites to the next non-NT they came across.



jrjones9933
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11 Dec 2013, 8:31 am

opal wrote:
jrjones9933 wrote:
We probably don't hear or use the standard delivery mechanism. I understand the theory of the criticism sandwich, and I have sort of pulled it off in group projects, but I mostly employ irony as a method to deliver criticism to NTs. Maybe they'll realize what I meant eventually... :bom:


I don't think much of that "sandwich" method myself - maybe it was the people using it :? I may be a bit jaded, but when someone who normally won't give me the time of day gives me a sacharine smile and Starts the conversation with " Lukewarm begrudging compliment BUT....." I'd rather they'd just come out and say it. I'm not suggesting you can't be nice about it, but faking a compliment you don't feel is not going to indear me.


Well, I always try to find things about people that I genuinely appreciate, and tell them regularly. Before I started making an effort to find such things, I didn't notice them as much, so the habit has made a big difference in how much I like working with people. The research I've seen states that the ratio of compliments to criticism is 7/1 in the most successful long-term relationships, both personal and professional.



schnozzles
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11 Dec 2013, 8:56 am

My perception is that NTs often take an observation as some kind of personal attack, and imply a sub text that isn't there. Also not everyone who asks for honest criticism is actually ready to hear it. Drives me up the wall, as even if you ask "are you sure you want my honest opinion?", there's no guarantee that they really do.

Even with my partner, after 12 years together, she gets upset sometimes if I point stuff out - and yet seems to think it's OK to point out my flaws. Actually the provisional aspie diagnosis is helping with this as she's starting to accept that there is rarely any subtext to what I say, and that if she asks for my honest opinion she'll get it.

To be honest, I tend towards not volunteering my opinion now, just in case.