did u think u were normal when younger

Post Reply New Topic

Before I was 5, I didn't know anything--I was in my own angry, fearful world. I have very little memory of that time. Apparently, I constantly screamed, threw things off supermarket shelves, had no speech, didn't have a concept of ME. I was just an animal, living via instincts.

After 5, I always knew there was something different about me. That didn't bother me, though there were lots of painful moments: bullying, being picked on, teachers being disdainful. Through it all, I rarely felt sorry for myself, and I kept plugging away. Maybe it was because:

I really had no regard for people's thoughts about me until maybe the age of 13 or so. I would just come home after school and read the encyclopedia or watch TV. I might even do the homework assignment. I would raid the fridge and eat my family out of house and home. I would play football with pennies, and pretend I was unconscious. I didn't care about other people too much, either. My most prevailing emotion was boredom, really. Frustration only came when I was accused of doing something wrong.

Adolescence was a very sad time. I felt alienated, wanted to live on my own, just wanted to get away from my existence, into a fantasy existence (art, poetry, Greenwich Village).

Adulthood hasn't been so bad. I still feel alienated, still feel detached from the main "social body." I'm an amiable eccentric now. I'm not seen as "normal," though I'm not seen as really that bad, either. I'm a court jester.

I am normal, and I always have been.

If anyone thinks not, then they've got to expand their level of acceptance (well, they don't, but I can make a good argument that no one is "normal").

I thought everything was fine and normal, everything I knew before the diagnosis of Turettes, Aspergers, and the various things with dyslexia, migraines, dyspraxia and voices. The way I perceived the world and how socialising and relationships on any level I perceived as normal, even down to the way I perceived others must be thinking the same as I do.

Everything normal until a college teacher and councilor saw something abnormal.

For nearly four decades, I've been running around on this planet with a persistent knowledge that most of the people around me did not see the same world that I did. If aliens were to land in my back yard, knock on the door, and say, "Sorry, Jeff. There was a mistake. You were left behind." I would be the least surprised person in the house. I have really lived my entire life thinking I'm on the wrong planet. The name of this forum stuck a chord with me.

Last week, my grandson(19 months old) was diagnosed with autism. The specialists are still working on what kind. Like any new subject I run into, I researched it. In my research, I ran into Asperger's Syndrome.... Hmmm....never heard of it. What is it? More research.....

OMFG.

In the late 1970's the schools brought in their best and brightest to try to figure out why I was so intellectually advanced beyond my peers....and so socially/developmentally behind. They did all kinds of tests. They found out I was hypoglycemic. Some dietary changes helped reduce the frequency and severity of the childhood meltdowns. I don't think I had the communications skills at that age to explain to them what I sensed in my head. I certainly did not have the ability to explain it in terms they would understand.

from at least elementary school I *knew* something was wrong with me. I didn't know what it was. I didn't even know it was a disability of any sort. All I know is, I used to get in really circular arguments with my parents about how/why I wasn't getting along with kids at school. My mom was full of all kinds of unhelpful information such as, after we'd already switched schools once, "wherever you go, you'll just be taking <my real name> with you!" Of course that was insinuating that i was the problem, but nobody ever gave me any useful information on what the problem was aside from that, or how to fix it, except "stop being weird' (whatever that means).

I remember in Kindergarten I figured all the girls were already friends by the way they just went to the play area and played with each other. One day, I was surprised the teacher actually brought me to the group where they were playing "house" to see if I could play with them, because I complained I was bored during recess. So, they let me in and I asked them what the rules were. They thought I was weird.

In kindergarten, the other kids didn't like me because I was fighting with them every day. That was the first sign. In second grade, I would see a lady once a week just to work on my social skills. Third grade comes along and I still don't know how to tie my shoelaces. That's when I knew something was definitely off.

When I was in grade school I did not even know what normal was. I did not notice I was any different until I went to a sleep over when I was 11 yrs old. I seemed to have packed enough things that it was hard to close the large suite case my mother gave me. I filled it with my rock collection and some of my collection of dolls. When I opened it at the sleep over the girls laughed at me. One asked why did you bring all that stuff? After this point things did not go well. I spent most of the time with my rock collection in a separate room from the other girls. They were to loud and were laughing about things I thought were mean things to say. At this point I still did not know what normal meant, but I did realize I was not like the other girls.

As I said, I thought, I had some kind of brain damage. That thought came with age and knowledge.

My parents knew, that I was different, but I resented being called special. It made me feel singled out.They tried to teach me how to get along with other kids, be a little less stubborn, but to no use.

I think, I alway felt like I was made a "special case" at home and I didn´t know how to fit in/ become accepted in school. I was bullied from day one and was always in the periphery, standing outside wondering what the others did to fit in.
First it was about my looks and from the day, I looked exactly like the others, the problem was, that I was too weird.
At 15 I simply turned my back on them, despised them and decided to be openly different. I hated their conformity.

Yes, I suppose, I thought, I was normal, but of a "lesser quality", - which was painful and cost me years of fear and depression.
It saddens me to think about it.
(Participated my first AS support meeting a few days ago, and the subject of the evening was the same)

I think, I would have liked to have had been dx´ed some 40 years ago.

I was actually subjected to school psychologists and Rohrschack tests anyway, and I would like to see, what they observed and what they called it back in the 60es.

I thought that I was the mature one and all my peers were immature. I first had such thoughts when I was 8.

It's hard to say really.

Yes. I considered myself normal or with in the range of normal until I got into my mid twenties and had to work and things were falling apart because I couldn't understand other people the way they expected me to and they expected me to be able to do more than I can due to my age and later how long I'd had the job.

I don't know exactly what year(I am awful with remembering years things happened or with time in general) that I noticed I was different but even then I still thought I was with in normal since I knew of other kids that acted in ways I considered strange and as far as I knew they were normal. Of course back when I was a little kid all the disabled kids were still kept away from the 'normal' kids and I never saw a disabled kid at a school until I was in junior high/middle school and then it was just the occasional kid in a wheelchair. One day somehow I was selected to help in the class for the disabled kids during that time and it was a very strange experience. Up until then I had the what I assumed was normal idea that disabled people were to be pitied and were somehow more childlike and innocent or something stupid like that. Being forced to be around a small group of disabled kids taught me that disabled people are just a able to be jerks as anyone else. I didn't find out I was disabled until I was in my twenties and at fifteen I felt no kinship with that group of kids. I was not used to non-verbal stemming kids back then and I found their behavior unsettling and the whole situation overwhelming and I kept asking myself in my head why was I picked to help their class. Aside from P.E. which up until that year was me and one other kid I knew and no one else, and going to see some staff person for testing a lot I was in normal classes for everything as far as I knew (though I did take a lower level math class from junior high onward cause I suck at math.)

I got off on a rant there, but yes I did consider myself normal when I a kid and a teen and didn't get diagnosed until I was an adult.
I started school in 1990 and was given the Wechsler Intelligence test from age 5 to age 12 I don't know how many times. (I did the adult version recently and first part uses the exact same art on the cards that I remember from when I was little kid, though I never memorized the answers or what answers I gave way back then to know if I answered any different this last time than when I was a kid. I'm being asked to possibly take it again in a few months which is annoying since I think I have an unfair advantage since I've done the stupid test so many times already and that has to have some effect on my results whatever they are.)

And another rant. Sorry, I'm ranty today I seems.

This, however I did not make the connection for a very long time after that I was abnormal and disabled. I could not figure out why everyone made a big deal of wanting to fix me yet let the other kids continue on with their flaws like they had no issues. I was considered a gifted Kindergartener and was aware of attempts to move me up a grade, had some advanced splinter skills acknowledged by teachers etc. so that all contradicted the idea that I was the problem. My childhood like many here I am sure was very confusing and that led to some confusing and twisted ideas about what I was exactly.

*keeping in mind that I've not had an official diagnosis about being on the spectrum*

Up until around the time I entered my teens, yes I did think I was normal......looking back, much of that was because my classmates/other kids at school never really came out and told me when I was saying or doing something "weird", so I thought I was behaving like any other kid my age.

I always noticed I needed a little extra help. But I did think I was normal, at least for a while.

When I was very little I thought I was normal. Once I hit my preteen tween years, I knew I was different. I never knew why or how, I just knew that I was.