The site where they BASH Aspie husband and wives. :O

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She wants to stay because she's afraid. That's understandable, but it isn't admirable

Love and hate are closely intertwined. I think she may still want to love him, but now mostly what is left seems to be hatred. Tarantella, why does it seem to you that she is sympathetic? I only saw that she wrote she feels guilty because he has a disability.

Also, lumping people together is not a small detail. This is a prejudiced woman, and although I can understand why she feels this way, I can sympathize, but I don't agree with her prejudice. It's wrong. It's understandable she's lumping people together, it's even understandable she feels her Aspie sucks her dry, and I've had the same said of me at times.

But what she's doing, blaming a group for her suffering---this is morally wrong.

Based on what she wrote I'd be willing to bet it has a lot more to do with her own attitude than it has to do with her husband. She has already made up her mind she doesn't want to be married to him. She's just there for what he can provide financially. Unless she changes her perspective, there's not much he could do to make her happy at this point, other than handing over his check.

But she isn't blaming a group for her suffering. She blames her husband's AS for her suffering. That's very specific. Her mistake is in waving her arms and trying to warn others away from *all* aspies, because she doesn't want others to suffer like she does, and she doesn't apparently know to differentiate. My guess, given how she talks, is that if she saw there really was wide variety, she'd change her message somewhat. But I'd also guess that even while talking to someone with much milder AS, she'd catch glimpses of her husband's traits, and become immediately skeptical -- and find all aspies far more similar than we ourselves do.

She's staying because she's afraid of what will happen to her children if she doesn't. Sacrificing your own happiness for your children's is generally viewed as admirable -- society comes down pretty hard on women who choose their own happiness over their children's.



Because her tone is understanding and she's careful not to blame him for hurting her intentionally. She knows it isn't his fault, and the guilt comes from having sympathy for a man with a disability. Unfortunately, this particular man is also making her life a living hell, one she can't escape without harming her children, as far as she can see.

I'm not seeing what you are. Ok, she is blaming his AS and identifying people with AS as dangerous psychologically to others. That would only be morally acceptable if one agreed with her position--that Aspies can't be good partners. If you agree then what she's saying is unpleasant, but it's ok to say it.

What if she were a high school student and wrote similar stuff about her boyfriend on a bathroom wall in a school, or posted it on Facebook?

Some of that may be true, but I didn't say any of those things. What I'm saying is that her own attitude is working against her and making her miserable. She is so fixated on how she's not getting what she wants that she's closed herself off from the possibility of getting what she wants.

This is just her side of the story, and it sounds like she was really upset when she wrote it. Maybe she doesn't even feel that way all the time. Maybe she does. Maybe she's got good reason to be unhappy. Maybe her husband is horrible to her. Maybe he's a cold hearted bastard. Maybe he's a great guy. Maybe he is clueless and truly has no idea why she is unhappy. Maybe she is indeed a hateful b***h. Maybe she is a kind woman who finally reached her breaking point. Maybe they are both good people who have done their best and just aren't compatible. Maybe they just don't communicate well. Maybe the truth is a mix of all of the above.

I never met these people in my life. I know nothing about it except what she wrote. I'm not going to pretend that I understand her entire situation or know what her husband is actually like based on a few paragraphs she wrote on the internet while upset. But she doesn't present herself very sympathetically.

If she had written anything at all about how much she loves her husband, how much she wishes she could work things out with him, if she had written ANYTHING appreciative or caring or understanding about him I might view her more sympathetically. But it's all negative. Even when she acknowledges that he has a genuine disability, it's still all about her and how guilty she feels. Does she even know or care how her husband feels about anything?



If I reacted to her emotion, I'd feel sad for her and be more understanding of her because she is obviously very unhappy and no one deserves to live like that. I do feel a bit sad for her, but going by what she wrote, she is being very unfair to her husband, and to people with Asperger's.

What is this man actually DOING to make her life a living hell?

If you've met one aspie, you've met one aspie.

Controlling? I wish I could control people but I can't.

As you point out, Dianthus, she never expresses wanting to give to anyone. Very sad.

I am like her husband in many ways so I can feel for her situation.

You seem to me a very caring, empathic person. Are you comfortable saying if you feel bashed by your partner, or appreciated, or somewhere in between?

My husband does not bash me at all and he is extremely supportive and does all he can to help me. I am like her husband in the sense that I can suck my husband dry and contribute very little in regards to the marriage. I know that living with me can be very stressful and difficult and it is very hard for me to meet my husband's needs.

Thank you for your kind words about me though. And I do have a very caring and loving nature but I am not entirely equipped to meet the needs in a marriage. So that makes it hard. I try but it is very challenging. I am not easy to live with so in that regard I can see this woman's point and feel for her.

Yep, she didn't write a single positive thing about him.
Presumably , he can't be all bad, or she wouldn't have married him, or did she just see what she wanted to?
Everyone changes over time, not always for the better. we put on weight, lose hair, etc, etc.
If I had a dollar for every young woman I've seen hook up with young man and then get upset that he didn't magically quit (drinking/drugging/ womanising/ spending every weekend watching sport with his mates... pick one ) after they got married.. I'd be a lot richer.

If she is that unhappy she needs to at the very least LET HIM KNOW.
She may need to change jobs, or get divorced, or get counselling , but for crying out loud no-one's a mind reader.

Why do you keep insisting on this? She's willing to stay in a situation that's horrible for her in order to protect the children. Why don't you see that as giving?

If you read the posted bit she wrote, she apparently started out as his "special interest" -- lots of attention, love, etc. -- and then he dropped her emotionally and found a new interest, leaving her in a cold and loveless marriage, one she can't leave without harming her children.