punish or accommodate autistic kid for mealtime behaviour?

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Amity - you need to tell us more! Did your mum's actions achieve the intended result? Do you still hate your mum?

Obesity is currently being promoted as one of the biggest health hazards around, but 'body-image' is a psychological issue - it's very hard for parents to know what to do, and, arguably, it is better that they make at least some kind of effort - was your mum trying to help you, or was she trying to force you into a mould of her own making?

I would like to congratulate Sniglet on an imaginative bit of parenting! When my children were 9 and 11, there was just a whole lot of shouting, but that was in pre-internet times. I think my response, after the 'no-boxes-on-the-table' move, would have been to provide a side-table for the troublemaker so that he could turn around and eat with his back to the rest of the family. But if he wanted to join in the conversation, then he would have to put up with looking at his sister.

I'd be interested to know how the professionals would view Sniglet's actions - I guess the danger might be that the child might find a way to use an internet forum to retaliate in kind. I definitely would try to avoid using the technique more than once.

Well done Sniglet. Hopefully the problem is solved.

I have been embarrassed about my weight by my family many times. That is a bit different though. This boy's behavior sounds like he was just being mean and a does of it , from his perspective, was kind of given right back to him.

Weight is a more delicate issue. People are not overweight specifically to be mean to someone else. They are having issues that are causing them to suffer so embarrassing them about their weight is not a good idea nor is it motivating to them to lose the weight. It's just humiliating.

I don't think Sniglet ever intended to shame her son at all. From what I read and perceived I think she was just desperate and wanting to share with him the ideas that were given in an attempt to further discover why he was doing what he was doing or to show him how they were being affected by it. The fact that he was shamed was because of his own maliciousness. Even though she spoke of him publicly she did it completely anonymously so no one at all knows it's him. He is ashamed because of his intent not because of hers. And that can change someone's behavior. I know this because I have changed mine many times because of exactly that. I never lost any weight when others tried to shame me into doing it but when I became ashamed of the results of my own actions because I saw myself while I was shopping for clothes and trying to do sports, I started to change my actions and my body changed accordingly.

I really do think that his behavior with the boxes was just pure meanness. I don't think it had anything to do with Autism of Misophonia or anything physiological. I think if there had been an underlying issue there he would not have stormed off and reacted as strongly as he did nor would he have so easily stopped the boxes. He might have stormed off and cried from embarrassment perhaps but he would still be doing something to shield himself from his sister if there was something else going on. He would not have given up so easily with the shielding. I think he was mad from getting found out.

Setting the ground work for expected norms is practical. Facing the truth is positive, it must be intense for a child to read these strangers views about him. Sniglet is involved and active and that can only be a good thing My out come was that i didn't trust my mum with personal information, it had no impact on my weight.

BRAVO! WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!

I hope you ladled on how proud you are for your son taking such a big step. How awesome he is for leaving a little kid behavior behind. That it is tough for for even adults to change behaviors. How hard it is to take other people's feelings into account, when we are getting private giggles at their expensive.

He's a total ROCK STAR in my book.

Woot! Woot! Woot!

seeing where the conversation has gone, my post didn't really fit...now it does sound kind of like he was doing it to bother his sister, which in my opinion is not an autism thing per say I think a lot of little kids do that sometimes. I mean I know of some families where the siblings really do hate each other but even when that is not the case they sometimes will do things to irritate each other. My brother used to do that to me at times, and sometimes got sent to his room or whatever but of course sometimes I did stuff to irritate him which I'd get in trouble for but aside from that bit of trying to push each others buttons me and my siblings have always gotten on pretty well.