When your parents die, then you be truly alone in the world?

Post Reply New Topic

I've had a dream for a few years now, of a house where a few of us could live together, while also having our own space. Like roommates, but with more privacy. And the kind of house I would like is like the one in the movie "The curious case of Benjamin Button (I like big old houses), ever since I have seen this house I have dreamed of one like this, where myself, and a few other people, could live, and still have privacy, each of us having our own room, and possibly a small stove and refrigerator in each room, while also having other people around in case we/they need help, and a main recreation center and dining room (where people would be free to go or not, whatever they would feel like). My husband disagrees with my idea, but if I ever leave him I would probably do this if I can.

well my mom left in 2012 for calgary, and now my dad is in Edmonton looking for work, but right now, i have my sister, and my niece, i have a LOT of family on my dads side that im close to. theyre always there for me. and i have my best friend Rachel and the Autism Recource Center Camp that i have friends at.

i may not be the best at socializing, and 70% of the time i dont know what im doing, but people who have known me for a while find somethng to like in me

Seriously, I don't know if that's a very healthy thing for her to make you think about. At least not when it's said that way! She's making you doubt yourself, and that's because SHE is the one who doubts. I don't know you or her, but that's my observation. A better way for her to help you, would be for her to point out what all you can do when that time comes (God willing a LONG time from now), and that way you can be ready to handle your life much better. If you have it planted in your mind that there's some big failure to worry about when you are on your own, that's just adding to a difficult thing to work through.

I was "all alone in the world" at age 21when my mother died (and my father had died the previous year), and I made plenty of mistakes from being young, but I made it by learning from mistakes. Being "all alone in the world" is a hard way to put it, but in fact being self-reliant is a MUST, if you're going to be a happy adult. If you know you're strong, and that you don't "need" someone else to support you emotionally, you will draw all kinds of good quality friends. If you appear as needing someone to lean on, that will scare healthy people away and cause you to fall in bad friendships with unhealthy people. Don't get me wrong; we all need someone to lean on now & then. And it's impossible to believe you can live on without your family, but you CAN. I guarantee that, even though you cannot possibly imagine how... I know I didn't think I'd make it!

Charles

Yes, that's a big worry for me. I imagine I might end up homeless if they die, and I don't know what I'll be like emotionally if my mom dies. She's my number one support, the person I'm closest to in the world, and I worry about her because she already has quite a few health conditions.

I think that's a good idea. I used to tell my parents I wanted to live in a "nursing home" for younger people (one of the nice ones with individual rooms and your own furniture) if I ever moved out. Unfortunately, they don't seem to exist.

Myself I am not a nurse, so I couldn't take care of someone who would actually need a nurse tho (I think there is places like that, but they cost a whole lot of money). My idea is more of something shared with others, all with our own room (big enough) and a few things in it (like mini stove and refrigerator etc), so if we don't feel like socialising we don't have to, but we'd still have a main dining room, and a place for recreation, and we would still be there for each other if one needs help. Like say, you don't feel good one day, and you need someone to do your groceries, or you need to go to the hospital, etc, we could help each other with that.

Oh, and I like animals, so they would have to be allowed lol.

I actually meant something almost exactly like what you are talking about, I just didn't know of any other way to try to describe it other than as a "nursing home for younger people". I didn't mean like an actual nursing home where people are sick or dying and such and must be cared for. I was just thinking of a place where people live together but have their own rooms.

You have really good ideas! I agree that animals should be allowed. It should also have a bus stop out front so people who don't drive can get around.

I tried to reply and then we had a power outage and I lost my message, but I am trying again.

Yes about animals, I can't imagine my life without a dog or a cat or both, and I know that I am not the only one, surely there would be ways to accomodate everyone.

Yes, good idea about the bus stop too! Or at least not too far would be best, so its an easy/short walk.

Its really been a dream of mine for a few years now, I think that would be great, so everyone could have their personal space, but we could also help each other when needed. Its kind of like roommates, but better, with more independence and privacy (i.e. decent size room with utilities), but also a place where we can socialise if we want (dining room, recreation/living room), and instead of temporary, it would be a real home.

In fact I told my husband I wanted to do this, but he doesn't want to, if he had said yes I would already be working on this project for real. I've even been looking at big old houses in different States (there is some really cool ones!). But if I ever become single again for sure it is something I would like to do.

Well I am caretaker for my 86 year old mom who has severe heart problems. I hope she is around for a long time but hard to say. Once I am all alone this house will be too much for me (hard time keeping up now due to my physical limitations). So I intend to sell and buy a sizeable motor home and travel. Staying for a time (perhaps months) depending upon how well I like it then moving on. No property taxes, no lawn, no utilities at most parks, etc. Just fuel for when I travel, food, insurance, etc. I don't expect at this point of my life to find anybody especially who'd put up with me so this will do as I will have plenty of places to explore and enjoy my photography and other hobbies.

This is a good idea too, and if I ever get the house I was talking about, you'd be welcome to come park at the house when you feel like it lol.

I actually lived in a motorhome for about 2 years, and its nice, its like a portable house lol, so your home follows you no matter where you go.

I'm afraid when mom dies, I'll be all alone - and I have problems with dealing with life on my own. But well, I will need to get used to it. Actually, the only people who could help me are my first cousins who are much older than me - their kids are already adult/almost adult. One of them lives with his family in a different city, anyway. And it's hard to expect anyone would want to help me to the extent I'd need to get help - I'm an adult, after all and even not such a young one so as it could excuse my lack of experience. I think the best time of my life was when I was a young teen - early teens are rarely mature and adult - mentally at least - so when I was like that - I was the same as now, only younger - it was something with a capital "s" back then and my lack of experience with life and dependency on others were easily forgiven to me by adults who were like: "oh, she's sooo mature, she's like one of us, like she was not 13 or 15 but rather in her fourties". You get what I mean.

Thanks for the offer! Might just take you up on that. I am not the kind to wear out my welcome either. I am hyper conscious of that.

haha I understand, I'm the same way. But really, if I ever do get a house and realise this idea/project, it means I would probably already be living with 5/6 people, so I really don't think having one more person around would bother me.

Its not right, I get too excited about this idea, while I know my husband said no, and it won't be possible unless I became single again lol.

One big reason I will remain single unless I find someone like me. Not likely as my ex's didn't even like my hobbies. Lol

I don't blame you at all! Marriage is overrated lol.

Yeah definitely I only have my mom, my dad died as a kid.

I guess what I fear beyong being alone in that regard to family is that I might lose purpose to live .

I never really think I got over the pain of losing my dad. Going through that again might just be to much. I don't do well with emotion.

It's certainly gonna be sad being at the funeral all alone.

It's times when thinking about stuff like that, I wish I hadn't been born. I just can't deal with all pain and loss .

Then there is the whole failure to not get kids, basically stopping the family line. It's hard not to feel as a bit of a failure at life.

+ 1 On the overrated! Companionship is however nice, sucks having no one to share things with. Just I am not into the clingy types. I figure another ASDer would more understand giving a partner difference then a NT would. But I could be wrong, my lack of success at past relationships is proof of that....