you need to "get over it"

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Olympiads I'd agree, except that statement seems to apply to NTs. This is more like people going up to a person in a wheelchair, walking circles around them, while chanting "Nah nah nah nah! Bet you wish you could walk like us!" It's knowing because you're disabled your body is public property. You don't know if the next person you confide your disability to will understand or take an almost sociopathic joy in making you upset by using your disability to hurt you. All while being told we're the ones who lack empathy, for lacking the theory of mind to understand the fun in hurting those more vulnerable than us.

I'm starting to think that the usual definition of "empathy" is really inaccurate. What you say here is correct: no TOM, no ability (or desire) to purposely hurt somebody else.

"Empathy" = "being able to feel what the other person is feeling." TV and movies take this to the extreme, making it seem as though "if you can feel it, you'll want to avoid causing pain to others." In most real-world cases, WRONG. Knowing how another person would feel can = being able to come up with better ways to hurt him/her.

The correct word should be "compassion", which means "actually giving a d**n how someone else feels, even if you can't 'sense' it 'empathically'." Substitute that term for "empathy" in the usual sense, and see who's actually "impaired" in that area.

This is exactly what I observed happening in public elementary school in the early 70's.
It appeared that those other kids were getting real physical pleasure from treating others badly (shadenfreud), and so I tried to copy it. It never worked for me. My brain always filtered it out as an illusion. In time it became obvious to me how wrong it was for those kids to treat others in that way. However, if I had actually been able to get enjoyment from doing it, then it seems likely that I would have continued.



I agree, as did Jacob Bronowski, a Polish scientist who studied the human condition that led to WWII.