Dog dying, parents think I'm horrid

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I think it's better to react rationally than to react hysterically.

GWA its always valuable to have one person in any emotional situation that can think straight. Someone that doesn't get all flustered in the moment and can make logical decisions. Its a bit unusual but not unheard of for the grown or mature for their age child to play that role with their parents. So basically you were doing well in the situation and made the right suggestions (ie. get the dog to the vet).

Its just that in this situation you have the least say and your parents were going with their own unhelpful ideas.

It happens like that, and I think it wise to try and be very restrained at such times and not criticizing. Present the best idea you have , but try to understand that people often can not do the right things. Its also good to think about how they are feeling and sympathize with their sadness, although not their poor judgement. It is easy to do, and usually simply is a single expression of understanding like 'I am sorry the dog died, I know how much that means to you.' You don't have to fake any emotions, just recognize theirs.

And I do know the delayed response. That is usually how it is with me. I tend to push it back and wait for a time when I can deal with it alone and when nothing else is pressing.

I was the same way when my grandpa died. I was pretty glad when I heard he finally passed because he wasn't suffering any more (cancer). The only person I talked to about my reaction was my dad. He understood. No one else would though I suspect. There's not much you can do honestly.

I react in what others consider a cold way in situations such as this. That is because I seem to distance myself and approach things rationally. They are a bit hypocritical telling you, OP, that you are not effected by your dying dog, when actually you are the only one willing to step up and euthanize the dog. They are being selfish by letting the suffering continue.

*hugs*

The dog was suffering.

If there's a heaven, I hope your dog finds a comfortable place within it.

Wow if your parents died would have this same ice cold attitude, such indifference to life. So sad.

Where in this thread are people getting the impression that the OP is not affected by the death of her pet?
I am not getting the hatred. The OP seems in all posts to be concerned for the suffering of the dog.
"A monster" I can't believe I read that. And I'm pretty sure if violates the rules against a personal attack.

I often have emotional delayed responses as well especially in a situation like that. Sometimes it takes me weeks or months to respond. And I feel the grief for many years afterwards. I also think that people are making assumptions about GWA that are not accurate. We should be careful of that.

This. I have put many dogs to sleep.. We give our dogs a good life and always plenty of chances. But when their life's candle has burned out.. it is time to put them to sleep forgood. Ofcourse everyone in my family sobs for a day but the power shifts instantly in 'the pack' our dogs live in. The only moment where the dogs appear to 'miss' one of their fallen ones is when we take them for a walk. Occasionaly they turn around and stare in the distance, wondering where the old slow dog that used to walk there has gone to.

What i cannot stand however is the most brutal suffering they sometimes have to experience before their death. Some people try to postpone it as long as they can which i think is just pure torture.

2 years ago we had a 7 year old dog who suddenly had a collapsed lung. A surgeon tried to fix her up, leaving us with a 1200 euro bill that the insurance luckily paid. a few days later, she started to wheeze again. We went back and they released some air which they thought was some air leftover from before the surgery stuck outside of the lungs but i already knew that this was the end of it.

A few days later, after a eveningshift when i got home, i saw her laying there in a dark corner of the house breathing heavily, she was in so much pain and could barely breath. Looks like her lungs were getting shut down at an increasingly faster rate. Laying flat on her stomach was the only position she could 'try' to fall asleep, laying on the side was to painful and she could not take a breath. Her tongue already turned a bit blue-ish due to the shortness of breath I stared her in the eyes and just said.. "Dont worry, you had a good life.. tomorrow morning it will all be over".

After that we gave her body over so they could find the leak and learn from it. This was a pretty brutal experience, as we normally dont let them suffer so much. We always try to avoid situations like this as much as possible

Why is it okay to not cry or be upset when family members die but yet when someone posts about not crying over a dying animal and not being all emotional about it, she gets called horrid, cold, a monster and gets other negative responses?

Sorry OP but I don't get you at all.

I cried my eyes out when our pets died, and the terrible loss is like an open sore years after they died. Old age means nothing to me when it comes to the loss, the grief and how dreadfully much I miss them. Losing my turtles and my dog is the worst emotional pain I have ever experienced, and the loss of two of them over two years caused my only bout of depression ever.

To me it sounds indifferent, even cold, to type that message on here instead of being with your dog her last minutes. I could never do that. Indeed, I would need time before I would even feel like going back to forums and posting. I'm speaking from personal experience. I avoided forums for a while because everyone got on my nerve and annoyed the crap out of me for a while, and the interaction meant nothing for me at the time, everything everyone said just seemed empty and flippant. Only later when deep sorrow developed to depression did it mean anything for me to go back to some of the forums.

I am so sorry to hear that, B19! Beloved pets are as much part of a family as its human members.

I agree with the second part too.

It's a support forum. People come here when they need help working through things. Holy Crap, the judgmental attitudes in this thread are discouraging.

My doggie, Shane died on August 16 of this year. It was one of the saddest days of my life.

"If dogs don't go to heaven then when I die I want to go wherever it is that they do go," - Will Rogers

When a family member dies, the aspie is seen as cold hearted and horrid and lacking empathy because they didn't feel too sad or act all emotional and didn't grieve and I see aspies complain about people feeling that way about them. A pet dies, an aspie doesn't feel too sad and doesn't grieve, she gets the same reaction an aspie would get from NTs about a dying loved one. The irony is killing me. Why is it okay to feel that way about a family member but not for a pet?

*leaves thread* Can't take it anymore.

What is confusing to me is that GWA never said that she was not upset that the dog died. She actually said she was upset. What she also said is that she was even more upset that the family did not seem to want to help the dog relieve her suffering and that is what she could not understand and had a real problem with. She also later explained that her time line for feeling grief is often delayed which is a very common issue for many of us. But nothing about what she said makes her a monster or cold and uncaring.

I have no idea where people are getting the idea that she is cold and horrid and unfeeling and uncaring and monster like. Yet she is being attacked and accused of these feelings when she never said that she did not care or feel for the dog. All she said is that she did not understand her family's expressions of grief and why they did not want to help the dog transition in less pain. And she also said that her family accused her of feelings that she was not feeling which is what some of the posters have done here as well.

^What she said^