Feeling ashamed about past social blunders
When i was 12 years old, i could make this extremely high pitched/screaming sound and thought it was funny. Did the same on vacation when i was 15/16 in south france in a group with some very friendly guys and beautiful woman i just met. I could've had the hottest woman of the group that summer if i had not done that. She would later tell my parents that she thinks i was mentally ret*d. I kind if fell out of the group after that. I had many blunders like that;Talking about slipknot in a school bus on the way to a ski vacation and getting becoming a bit enthusiastic, which me 'singing' their fantastic songs loud and clear.. man, i didnt get many friends on that trip.
I was also in my own fantasy world more or less during high school.. frequently getting asked by woman if i could 'act normal', never understood what they meant or why they would often hit my hard on my back that gave me some bruises. It took many years and my brother's diagnosis to learn about autism and understand where some of the epic failures came from.
So yeah, now i have fantastic boring night shifts with me driving in a car alone all night and sometimes i get these flashbacks too, which makes me feel really uncomfortable and my face turns red from the shame.
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