Is it ethical for us to have children?

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I personally can't imagine my own children suffering in the same ways I did growing up. I don't know if my genetics make it a lock that my children will be born with some sort of autism. It's not something I've had to worry about and probably won't any time soon, but, the thought's there.

It's certainly ethical even if it were guaranteed they'd have a form of autism, but I'd prefer my children be born privilaged rather than not. I don't see the shame in saying that.

Nobody in my family has an ASD - only I do.

I'm also the mother of two NT children.

My own mother warned me about having kids - not that I would pass on my Autistic traits, but the fact I wouldn't be able to be there emotionally for them if I did.

I didn't listen to her and I had two daughters - they are both in their mid 20's now and very successful...however, my mum was right because they have both accused me of being an 'unfit mother' and neither of them have spoken to me for about 10 years now.

I regret having children, sadly.

^^^ pretty much what happened.

I remember reading once about a whole autistic family who would have times where they would all scream together or jump on a big trampoline in their yard. I actually thought that sounded wonderful and sometimes I'm a little disappointed I'm not marrying an autistic woman just because it means that won't be my family. The daughter I already have is probably at least slightly autistic though, even though she's never been diagnosed. It's not as severe a case as mine according to my mother but she does show traits.

You would, yes, just as some neurotypicals would think it would be difficult for autistic people to be parents.
It's definitely not the same for everyone and once you know what's going on, you can be better at your new, life-long job. The same can't be said for people who simply don't care. How are you supposed to know whether or not your next-door neighbor won't just drop their newborn off at the nearest dumpster? Which reminds me, they recently uncovered a pretty massive case here, one involving an employed, seemingly normal family woman having killed her babies and stashed them away. Five of them, all born separately.

Yeah, let's just ban having children in general.
This is all fine and dandy as a thought excercise, but I hope you realize what kind of a shitstorm it would cause if we started cherry-picking who can and can not have children. Overpopulation is definitely a problem, but I don't understand what we could realistically do about it. I guess bombing whole countries back to the stone age would do the trick, in the sense that it would be a bit too late to get butt-hurt over it after the fact. But just as with choosing who gets to be a parent, there is one very big, very obvious problem; the people in charge tend to have an agenda of their own.

There seems to be no data on risks for autistic parents?

According to Stanford Uni Genetics dept
If you have one child with autism, the risk for the next child is only 2-6%. If autism were due to a single gene, we might expect numbers like 25% or 50%.

And then, if you have two children with autism, the chances that the third will be autistic are around 35%. This is usually interpreted as meaning that lots of different genes are involved

So there is a higher risk if one child has ASD, but it's not overwhelming...

Last edited by cyberdad on 23 Jan 2015, 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh, you don't have to bomb anywhere. How about use a condom? Pop a BC pill? Have a headache some evenings? Get an operation to prevent pregnancy (I mean both men and women for that one). Go to Planned Parenthood for family planning? Find some other way to entertain yourself besides having sex?

Also, I have autism and I can see how other people with an ASD can find it difficult to raise children.

Spontaneous alterations can happen whether the parents are on the spectrum or not:


The large number of autistic individuals with unaffected family members may result from copy number variations (CNVs)—spontaneous alterations in the genetic material during meiosis that delete or duplicate genetic material. Sporadic (non-inherited) cases have been examined to identify candidate genetic loci involved in autism. A substantial fraction of autism may be highly heritable but not inherited: that is, the mutation that causes the autism is not present in the parental genome.

...Well...........

Even if a child is born with Autism or Asperger's, you don't know that they'll face the same struggles as you. They might have a great time making friends, or not be able to make any. They might have a special interest that brings them a fantastic income and a secure lifestyle, or it might be something they struggle to use. They might have horrible struggles, but still be happy. Saying that it's unethical isn't really any more sensible than assuming the children of two people of average intelligence who struggle to make ends meet will all be average, struggle with money, and be miserable and therefore are children who should never have been born - after all, there are beautiful, smart, rich people out there with an advantage.

That's the parents' view of their potential and the parents' misery, not a child's.

If they have good support, attentive parents, and a healthy environment, they're already starting with an advantage.

I had a hard time growing up because of my AS. I didn't know I had it at the time, so I didn't know that there was anything making me like that except just "weirdness" so with a lot of work and help from a small group of friends who actually liked me anyway, around the time I was 13 or so I started learning how to act differently. It was hard, it was scary, and it took a hell of a lot of work and determination and courage to try it on my part. If I had known I was fighting against a genetic predisposition and my quirks were part of that, then I doubt I would have tried or at least persevered.

I still have trouble because of the AS, but I've learned to deal with it mostly. Since learning in middle age what I had and what it does, it's helped me deal with my problems even better. I now know that my meltdows due to overwhelming stress are because of the AS, not just because I'm a b***h that wants my way and wants everything easy. That helped me a lot. It helped me find out what was causing them and to now avoid them by taking either physical or mental time out for myself when I'm feeling overly stressed, and honey I have a pretty stress filled life, I tell you.

I just have mild AS and it's no walk in the park so I could only partly imagine how difficult it is for someone with more severe AS or moderate to severe autism. Knowing that it's passed genetically, I might very well have opted to adopt so that my kids wouldn't have the difficulties I had, or worse. My first for real boyfriend had epilepsy. He hadn't had a seizure in years and was on meds, but he was always terrified of having one and he hated having it. When he married (someone else, years later - we do keep in touch and he's a family friend now) he and his wife opted to adopt because he didn't want to pass on his epilepsy. They adopted two Chinese girls. They are all a very happy family.

He wasn't saying that he didn't want a kid with epilepsy because there was no guarantee that an adopted one wouldn't have it. I wouldn't have been saying that I wouldn't want my kid if he were autistic cause again, no guarantee. The chances are smaller though, that the child you adopt and raise will have the same problem that you had. I don't see a problem when people choose not to have kids so they don't pass on a genetic disorder that has caused them problems. They aren't saying that the child would be less than, they are saying they don't want their child to have to deal with what they had to deal with. It's not like aborting for it, it's simply never having to think about that. It's giving a home and love to a child who is already there and needs it. Nothing wrong with that.

I think it's ethical for us to have kids. Even those of us with more severe problems from the ASD, who some people say shouldn't have kids because of the chance of passing it on. They have the same chance of passing it on as I do, or other undiagnosed people do. Not everyone is diagnosed and not everyone is severe or even noticible. The only variable is how severe a child will have it, if he does get it. Having two parents with it increases the odds, but two parents with more severe AS could have a child without it or with mild AS. Nobody knows. I actually think autism is genetic and that because nobody really thought about AS and the mild end of the spectrum until recently that nobody really knew that all the parents of autistic children probably have someone in their lineage who has it, even if it's very mild and not known about.

I don't think it's ethical to have kids if we choose to have them simply to show others that autism is great or should be considered mainstream and just a diversity. Having kids just to prove a point about an issue is unethical no matter what the issue is. You should have a kid because you want to have a kid, whether you got pregnant on purpose or not. Having the child to prove a point just makes the child something you used, no matter how much you end up loving him, the reason for his existence will always be to show others that they are wrong. A spite child is never happy.

Im not going to deny the fact that there are absolutely people out there with Aspergers who are mentaly handicaped, and have a bigger challenge than someone else with AS. Aspergers is so different in everyone.
Denying this fact of difference, woud be very little humble and quite delusional. You won't change my opinion on that

So my answer is therefore: some people with AS should not get kids/woud be unsuitable for parenting. And some people woud be capable of parenting. But then again, im not a psychiatrist

i think it's ok for an aspie to have kids. so you'll have a little aspie, so what? it doesnt mean he'd be miserable or anything. he won't necessarily be in pain or anything like that. many aspies can live a good and happy life, and some people actually enjoy the mixed blessing of asperger, so feel free to pass on your genes to them.

so your kid might be autistic, but many aspies get married and have kids, many go to college, and many are happy in their lives and wont have it any other way.

If my kids had Aspergers, that would be okay. Sure theres challenges to having Aspergers but at least the long term prognosis isn't that bad. Plus I know what it's like having it so that would help. I would be more worried if my kids had low-functioning autism. But I think the chances of that are still pretty low.

I could care less if my kids had high-functioning autism. For low functioning, I would be more worried.

I anticipated ASD children when I chose to reproduce. I was pretty cavalier about it back in 2001. "I gather I have an 80% chance of having an autistic child. OK. Didn't kill me. We'll deal. If we get the other 20%, a "normal" child might be foreign to me, but we'll deal with that too."

So far, unless my son is misdiagnosed (and he isn't-- ADHD fits like a custom sugar-powered perpetual-motion rocket ship), I'm 0 for 4.

Obviously it could, probably will, still crop up in my grandkids.

The thought of my grandkids BEING AUTISTIC doesn't bother me. I've had struggles. They have been painful. Life is struggle. Such is the way. I have had joys, as well. The mere thought of autistic grandchildren, even if they should turn out to be non-speaking, doesn't bother me.

What DOES bother me, and what I've started telling my oldest she has to consider before having kids, is how an autistic grandchild of mine might be TREATED. Will they be subject to the same laws as "normal" people, or will there be another, much harsher and more restrictive set, for "non-normals?" Will they have the same rights? Will they be allowed access to medical care? Will they be subject to mandatory sterilization (for that matter, will my kids)?

I got bullied, I got rejected, I got HURT-- but I got to grow up in the belief that I was, in fact, a normal human being and could expect to become a normal human being. Would an autistic child of mine have the same benefit?? Will an autistic grandchild??

That's the ONLY (extra) point of contention I see on whether or not it's ethical to bring a child into the world knowing it carries autism code and might be autistic.

As for the whole Malthusian argument...

He was wrong in 1790-something; my personal opinion is that he's wrong now too. It gets a lot of airplay because it makes academics who didn't want to be bothered with kids feel justified and smug about not having any (and, for the record, they shouldn't have to justify-- "I don't want to have kids" should be reason enough-- parenting is a difficult, taxing, all-consuming job and I think that "I don't want to do it" is THE BEST reason in the world to NOT DO IT). It gets a lot of airplay because it's a simple theory. It gets a lot of airplay in the developed world because "Seven billion is too many" is easier to accept than "The West consumes too much."

I find that sick and shocking. It disgusts me that people find it easier to say, "Only certain people should be allowed to reproduce" or even "Certain people should be eliminated" than to say, "Wow, I think we might need to re-evaluate our consumption pattern. Maybe I don't need that SUV. Maybe our house doesn't need to have 500 centrally heated, centrally air conditioned square feet per person. Maybe I don't need fresh strawberries in January and citrus in July. Maybe I don't need ALL that meat. Maybe we can eat more beans. Maybe we could plant a big garden. Maybe I could can produce while it's local and in season. Maybe I could shower every other day, and wash my armpits and genitals in between. Maybe we can swap things or share things. Maybe seven changes of clothes are enough. Maybe kids can share a room. Maybe the single nuclear family household isn't the only way to go. Maybe..."

That so many people can value the convenience of a thermostat, a conventionally built McMansion, and meat with every meal more than a generic human life is profoundly disturbing to me.