Do Aspiens Have Unfair Expectations of NTs?

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The last time, I tried to get it from the library, there was a waiting list of six months, but that was when EVERYBODY stormed the theatre to see the play. Perhaps it´s easier to get hold of now.

The british series, "Doc. Martin" is very spot on, - actually both funny and moving.

There has been discussion on WP in the past about whether the main character in 'Doc Martin' has Asperger's or not, and opinion was divided. The subject was raised in an early episode, but because of the context it proved somewhat inconclusive. Personally I've always thought that the producers were trying to portray someone with ASD, and doing a pretty unsubtle job of it. Doc Martin certainly has zero social skills, no empathy to speak of and a very literal worldview, but if that's what highly-paid TV executives think Asperger's syndrome consists of then no wonder there's so much public ignorance about the condition. There are other, more understated roles in various British programmes that are far more accurate and realistic.

That´s right. Martin is exaggerated, but he´s not unempathic. He´s just confused:-)

Truth. Every job I've had in the NT world, I've been told sooner or later that I "seem to have trouble following the chain of command."

Um, that's because I can't see the chain of command. I try to suss it out and form a picture (kind of like a flowchart, or a hierarchy like what you can get Word to create for you by using "Smart Art" which I kind of love except when it doesn't work the way I pictured it) and keep it in mind. But it seems I often put some people in the wrong place in my hierarchy picture, or am confused about what exactly a person is in charge of.

Most recent I think was a situation where I thought a certain person was about four rungs up the ladder from myself, and another was the rung up from her. Turns out, if anything they were pretty much equal but in charge of different things. So I really offended one by going to the other, because she thought I was trying to bypass her.

There was also the fact that I got along better with the other--now she's gone, and the one I accidentally offended is left in charge of almost everything. And she doesn't like me. She's the one who told me I "seem to have trouble following the chain of command."

But NT's seem to instinctively understand the chain of command, like within two or three days of working in a place, max.

So--maybe it's unfair or at least unrealistic for Aspies to expect NT's to spell things like that out for them, because to them, it's a "no-brainer" (I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate the phrase "it's a no-brainer"). If it could be "brained," I would understand it. My brain seems to work pretty good most of the time. It's intuition I lack.

By reading here, I slowly discover, that I´m oblivious to the ranking game. I speak to everyone as equals - unless I´m plainly afraid of them.
I have taken a good beating once in a while because of it, - but I must admit, that the thought of that rank system makes me furious, because it isn´t logical!
A leader is there to lead and has to be listened to, if things are supposed to work, - but otherwise I see no reason for the need to "outrank" somebody on a daily basis. I have my pride too, but I don´t need to suppress anyone to make it clear.
Cooperation must be the keyword over them all.

Yeah, I can't lead and I can't follow. That's the problem. But I'm learning how to fake it. I think it's dumb I have to fake it, though. And what's dumbest of all is that when I teach I class or lead a group I have to act like an "authority" -- students/employees get actually angry when I just focus on the main point -- the lesson, the tasks -- instead of waggling my finger and looking like a big shot. I have learned to ape those things, but I really don't see the point. Working as a group effectively and getting everyone to feel comfortable to speak up with their ideas (or in a class, learn) is the point, not reinforcing hierarchical structures. Sure, you need someone to keep order and keep things moving but...that's it.

For example, I told one class, where I was teaching how to use some software at my job: Don't do the exercise if you already understand the lesson. Feel free to ignore the class and skip ahead if you want. That's how I learn, and I have to lead the class to the slowest learner, so my pace may be slower than some people want. But students were angry at me for giving them freedom: they wanted me to talk like a teacher and make them do things. What nonsense. These are adults in a required class, some of whom are computer whizzes and some of whom are 50 and can barely work the mouse. In the end, they all just pretended to follow along and actually just read the news when they got bored.

Sorry for the rant. Done now.

Are you suggesting Aspies are not capable of social hierarchy??

Sometimes, yes.

There are many instances where NTs are intolerant but there are also ways that autistics may hold unrealistic perspectives about NTs/non-autistics.

Sometimes, it happens that autistics become so wrapped up in what they need that they forget that other people have needs too. For example, they may dislike socialising or social events and assume that NTs don't need that kind of input too.

Similarly, they may feel that their need for routine trumps an NT's need for variation. NTs can and do suffer when socially isolated or stuck in a rut of the same thing again and again. They can also have suffering from mental or physical illness, or bullying and other life circumstances that are every bit as real as the problems for those on the autistic spectrum. Sometimes an NT who isn't understanding can be every bit as burnt out as an autistic in the wrong setting.

Or they may want the setting to be altered in a way that is reasonable for them but unreasonable for others. For example, there might be someone who hates it when people talk loudly but a hard of hearing person might require it to be that way.

Also, the "intuition" is happening in their brains - your brain just isn't making the same connections.

Aspies are not naturally inclined toward "social hierarchy." They frequently don't lack the ability to discern it, though. It's somewhat the same thing as empathy. For some NT's, the ability to empathize in ingrained in them; in many Aspies, though, empathy has to be "learned."