Does Our Depression Come From Feeling Unloved / Shame ?

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I would have to say that depression does come from feeling(being) unloved and shame. but I also think that it come from knowing that your different and knowing that we constantly fail in social situation, which also adds to feeling depress. A lot of us blame asperger's for it, when it's more of the indirect effect of NT culture that causes the depression.

Makes sense.

I like me, but others don't. Even if I normally have a playful outlook and find a lot of things fun, eventually I get dragged down by wondering what ugliness in me others can see that I can't again.

Well, I have way too many bad experiences with people, more bad experiences just make me to want to stay away from anything related to people, or remind of it....I do not know how I do it, but almost (I do not want to generalise) everybody takes me the wrong way, for some reason. I am trying to learn some social things, to understand better how people work...So, I can handle these things better, but it is not easy....Anyway, from my experience I figured it out, that if there is no positive interaction, that it is better to stay away, or it can get even worse. It is the only thing I can think of, because I cannot predict the behaviors of others...If I knew better their patterns of reaction, how they are like, but I find this to be mainly an individual thing, because even if others can be similar are not the same....So, since I cannot predict it, if such situation arises, better to stay away...I still have to learn about these things.

Being always taken the wrong way, being misunderstood...It just makes me want to retreat and avoid anything people related. I know that what happened, was not that much, but it reminds me how bad is to be misunderstood....After all I cannot do anything about it. Well....I could just try to limit myself to giving advice if someone asks about it....But, even then, I think I would be taken the wrong way, even if I meant well....I have to think about this...

In other words, this little thing reminded me of how misunderstood I am...

Thank you again for writing.

Last edited by Sherry221B on 12 Mar 2015, 9:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

I wish I could say otherwise: but life is full of misunderstandings. And that includes everybody, even neurotypicals.

I wish I knew you in person, so I could offer better advice.

But I hope you don't give up on people because there are some "bad apples." There are "good apples" out there, too. I find that it is better to interact with others than it is to keep yourself isolated. You have ideas. Ideas get better, I believe, if you live in the world, rather than isolate yourself.

You have a philosophical mindset. People frequently feel their "philosophy" is the best philosophy--to the point where they can get quite stubborn. Sometimes, when people get "stubborn," they could also get mean. In these instances, the person is trying to gain the advantage on you.

What I would do in these instances is "stick to my guns." You know what you feel, and you know what's "right." Who is to say you're "wrong" (unless your philosophical outlook is wrong, in an objective sense, morally).

What I'm saying, basically, is that you are a viable human being, and you should never let anybody, or any thing, interfere with you enjoying your life.

I know it's "easier said than done"--but I believe "saying it" is better than "not saying it."

kraftiekortie:

Yes, I have realised about the huge misunderstandings that can happen, that life is full of misunderstandings. My ideal interaction is like in the book of the Little Prince, when he is with the fox.



No one thinks like them, though. I do not think that the philosphy someone has is necessarly the best; I think that finding the one that suits you better, and even adapting other philosophies to suit your own needs, that is better. That is the best philosophy.

I have gotten advatange of too many times as well....Well, at least I have remembered again about the fox from this book.

I got distracted by thinking about this part of the Little Prince, which made me think about many other things, that I forgot about the last part. Things are more complicated than that (for me), unfortunately, but that is not something interesting.

I get what you mean. Sometimes, one must acquire and convey wisdom in a patient manner, rather than be bombastic about it. One must remain in the background, and just listen.

We spoke, at length, at least once before. Have I mentioned Plato's "Allegory of a Cave?"

The background- That part has reminded me of something else. No, you have not mentioned it to me before. Why? Do you like it?

I enjoy it very much.

Basically, it acknowledges that people who have been "in the dark" for a long time have to be introduced to the "light" gradually, not suddenly.

I recommend you read it, if you feel like it.

Ok. I will re read Plato. Thank you for your recommendation. I actually like being recommended new or old readings.

I hope you have a lovely day today.

I agree about the meds.
I can see the meds being of value for short term treatment of very severe conditions, but it seems that in the long term they often make the problems worse and harder to overcome.
I really hope they come up with some new types of meds that work in different ways.

Perhaps shame and resulting depression are a natural way to cull those who are of no value to the group. Maybe suicide is right. Maybe it is best for the success of the group.

I have thought about this.
From a natural selection point of view, the rejection of those who are different, such as with "the uncanny valley" effect and social misfits, is to protect the group or system intelligence, - survival of the organized group.
If there are also effects that change the behaviors of the rejected individuals, then the efficiency of this rejection mechanism goes up.

For example, a rejected member that becomes depressed will have less contact with the group, be less likely to reproduce, will consume less resources, and may self-terminate.

It's awful to think about, but it seems efficient from the view of natural selection in environments favoring group behaviors.

it is increasingly odd to be me that suicide is frowned upon. The world rejects you, but for you to reject it - abhorrent. No, no, we're going to keep rejecting you, but we want you to keep playing the game. We will keep rejecting you and you will continue to try to win our love. Like a dog who wants to please by being liked. I'm smarter than I dog and I can figure out when it's time to leave.

You have a valid point, but it's also possible for people to work themselves out of their hole and find a happier place for existence in this life.
Obviously, getting yourself in the right environment, and/or around the right people is critical.

One of our problems that is a hinderance to us is that we don't like to change things like our environment because basically it's scary to do, = anxiety.
I admit that changing things scares me.

^^^^
This. There is better out there; I would hate for you to give up the hope of finding it.

On that note...

I have been saying, literally for YEARS (if not a couple of decades now), that I am sad and frightened because of all the energy I must expend simply to not be me if I wish to be accepted.

I can't seem to get anyone to listen.

In other words, YES. Yes, I do think that a lifetime of shame and rejection can cause a depression that medication cannot "fix." Yes, I do think that a lifetime of being told that your personality is broken will make you sad, scared, and angry-- and if medication takes it away, it is "flattening of affect," not a remission in the depression. Yes, I think that growing up with the understanding that your feelings, your interests, your personality, your very way of being in the world, is a "disease" that you must attend therapy for and work very hard to correct and compensate for will make you sad, and scared, and angry, and either self-hating or misanthropic.

And also very, very tired.

YES. I keep trying to explain that this is why I'm still sad and scared and always will be. Good luck getting anyone to listen.