The Aspie Poseur

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Please, would someone enlighten me as to what 'emo' means? And PSOT as well?

Humor an old Aspie, would ya?

Merle

Hard to say but here is a thread on emo

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... hlight=emo

I was diagnosed at age 40, largely based on my 12 typed pages listing quirks and developmental difficulties I'd had since I could remember, and I remember back to age 3. My parents and grandmother confirmed them and added more! Yet I'd grown up playing the NT game so well, that now only my husband, parents/grandmother, and very close friends & co-workers would notice. I'm told that the hard stare is the only physical appearance I still have that's a little "different." Since AS is a developmental delay, it's hard to be diagnosed correctly as an adult without confirmed objective information about your childhood difficulties. I would say that if someone is wondering whether or not they really do have aspergers, they might try attending an adult aspergers support group and see whether they feel comfortable in a room full of aspies face-to-face. Talking online is different from coming face-to-face with a roomful of us and actually recognizing yourself! I personally don't think I run into too many aspies day-to-day. Whenever I do, I sense something is different. It's like the air around us is a little different, a little more still. It's a very surreal feeling, not emotional but definitely powerful and a little eerie.

This is probably the single biggest thing that keeps me from pushing for the "official" dx. At this point the three "doctors," who aren't actually doctors and look at only subjective "hearsay" to make the dx, who are recommended by the local Autism/AS group aren't even covered by my insurance and charge $750-1500 to do the diagnosis. They are 40 min to an hour and a half away. I can have the A/a group go through the list of 101 providers my insurance does cover to find one who knows about adult AS (the group will do that for me). But, then I ask myself how much I will believe that dx anyway since it's subjective, they don't even look at the brain because right now they don't know what they are looking for and any three of them could be using different diagnostic tools. I've come to this conclusion from reading and reading about AS.

Look at this old Volkmar paper and many still use Volkmar with other diagnostic tools. You can see how he talks about how many different things they can look at and that they may or may not apply and even then in varying degrees. http://www.med.yale.edu/chldstdy/autism ... nosis.html

I look at all kinds of diagnositc tools and studies like this where it says, shows at least 2 of the following or one of the following. Or it says, may or may not exhibit the following. So, basically you could have a preponderance of symptoms or very few and those could be pronounced or barely perceptable. I guess that's why it's a spectrum right now.

I'll feel better about going through the hoopla of finding a covered physician (and I do mean real physician and not a psuedo doctor) or spending my own money when they come up with a way to tell me for sure what is happening in my brain. Until then, I could stick diagnosis in a hat and probably have just as much diagnostic consistency as going to these three so-called experts. Even the A/a place told me they had varying degrees of expertise and success. That isn't exactly confidence inspiring.


Until then, I can look at all the criteria myself and do, present it blind to my friends (and have) and see what I think and they think. Common sense should say if it's a signficant wiring issue (and yes I believe it must be to present so many different symptoms), you are probably going to present with many in varying degrees. I have no vested interested in showing up like this since I've found a way to get along either way. It would be nice to know when they find a way to tell me for sure. I can't imagine why anyone would want to not be able to read eyes to the point that they couldn't perceive danger to themselves or tell what people think about what they are saying in interviews or meetings. I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to say they can't recognize faces of people they should know when most people (as in the so-called NTs) can do this most of the time with no problem. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be so oversensitive to touch that they would jump and freeze or worse scream and cry when a stranger or a friend touches them. I can't imagine anyone willingly choosing to get violently ill after a trip to Lowe's or Home Depot because the smells in there feel like a sensory assault. Throwing up and getting a migraine just doesn't seem like something anyone would do if they didn't have to. I can't imagine anyone wanting to not be able to go to amusement parks or film openings because they know that in a crowd they will hyperventilate then faint because they start to become too aware of all the bodies and voices and smells until it absolutely overwhelms them. I could go on, but that's really enough.

I know that there are a subset of people who read about things like cutting (nice catch to bring up A Slipping Down Life by the way) and copy it, but I don't think it's epidemic. I also think that school Psychologists go crazy over diagnosing things to find reasons for kids who don't fit. I remember this happening with ADD and ADHD where they had tons of kids on Ritalin who didn't even have the problem just so they wouldn't talk in class or goof off (we used to call these class clowns not drug them). We could have just as many of those. I just have a hard time thinking that many people would willingly take on this label when it can cost them relationships, insurance, children, jobs, etc. There can be fallout to this. I keep thinking that even if someday they have a concrete test, should I do it? I can't really pass for NT and never have been able to (I'm consistently called on it when I try which is pretty damn disheartening considering how many classes I've taken to try to learn these things), but I can function well enough in my very limited world that they leave me alone and don't go after me with a vengence. I keep thinking if I step out there and get an official dx when they someday have a concrete way to do it, what will happen then? Will I step outside this safe little world I have work so hard to build and where I am happy only to be slapped around by all the things I worked so hard to avoid for so long? What would I gain in the end? Lost insurance if I have to contract for awhile? People thinking I'm a mental case instead of just completely strange beyond words? A broken marriage?

I look at the adults who have gotten the so-called official dx and what has happened as a result. It's a pretty scary thing. I can only think they went because they felt they had to and whether I believe in the current diagnostic process or not, I will support them because it can cost so much and I am no one to judge them. And if people come on here and pretend, I might encourage them to do some self examination to help them discover themselves, but I doubt I would attack them (unless I thought they were doing it to publish hurtful things about the posters) because I'd think there was some issue there that caused them to want to do that in the first place. They might not be AS, but they certainly aren't the run of the mill NT either. I'd hate to think that those of us who have lived in such isolation for years would suddenly become the people who turn on others who are different. I don't want to be part of that group whether I ever get an "official" dx or not. That is one thing I know for certain. It might be the only thing, but there you have it.

Last edited by ZanneMarie on 20 Mar 2007, 10:23 am, edited 2 times in total.

I know exactly what you mean! I can't describe it any better than you have though!

If a person says they have AS but say they always had alot of friends, never felt they didn't fit in, never had any trouble with bullies. I would think they didn't really have AS. I mean really, even NT kids have trouble with bullies sometimes. Maybe they like hanging around an AS site because they would not be as popular at an NT site.

well i have an official diagnosis. even if i didnt this is still a message board for people with pdd-adhd, and some other disorders if i'm not mistaken. these topics pop up like every so often claiming there are people faking aspergers, Or, who do you think on this site doesnt have aspergers. knock it off already

i'm self-DX

what i don't like about this argument is that it's always nontherapist/nonpsychologist-type ("unprofessional") people who can miraculously spot the FAKE ASPIE... but they won't accept anything less than a top-o-the-line "proffessional" DX to prove anyone's ASPIENESS.

there is a loophole in that logic.


w/e at my point, i doubt a DX would be beneficial for me.

That resonates with me strongly, as over the last 7 years or so, I seem to only have really noticed others who I suspect to have Aspergers or who have stated they have it...my ex, for one. There is definitely something you recognise at some indescribable level...but also, maybe it is like looking in a mirror and seeing something of ourselves there...hence that odd recognition. Hmm, maybe a high level of mental energy also 'feels' very different to that balance of emotional and mental energy etc etc.

I think it's something in the eyes, some kind of heaviness in the stare. I've always had a heavy sort of feeling behind my eyes that I can't describe. I see that same look in my mom's eyes, along with most of her siblings and a lot of my 17 cousins. I can't describe it, but I've begun to recognize it in others. I think the eyes and vocal characteristics are usually the giveaway! I always smile when I see or hear them in someone else! Reminds me that I'm not alone!

What about the people that are only 50% faking it?

Age is important.
I think if you are mid-thirties or older, then you have a lot more life-experience and more self-awareness.
Moreover AS wasnt known about when in childhood/adolescence, so a self-diagnosis makes more sense.

But anyone in their early-twenties or younger making self-diagnoses could just be a 'geek' or someone with identity crisis.
I would advise such people to get a diagnosis.
It's a waste of youth to go through it thinking you are autistic when you aren't.

I agree that an AS diagnosis is not something to covet, and maybe some young people who think they have AS really are just depressed or feeling like a social outcast at the moment. AS is a lifelong neurological, not psychological, diagnosis. The core symptoms are those that involve neurological difficulties like coordination, cognitive problem-solving, judging physical space, holding a conversation, reading other people's intent, making eye contact, etc. Emotional difficulties like anxiety and social paranoia aren't caused by Aspergers; they're caused by LIVING with Aspergers! Haha, I would have never thought that this way of life would ever be coveted by anyone! But I do think it makes us stronger people for having walked a different path in life, even if it's one we didn't necessarily choose.

They are AS half the time and half the time they are faking it?

Someone once attacked me on this site because I had myself designated self-dx. My dx is HFA, but I believe that AS is more accurate (particularly since AS wasn't a recognized dx when I was dx'ed HFA). Anyway, I changed my designation to Autistic-other because of the ammount of distrust that sometimes exists for self-dx'ed around here.

I'm being facetious. There are aspies that approach(and aim for) the NT side, and there are aspies that adopt the cause, and become more autistic than they really are. Where does one draw the line between faking it, and really having it? How much of any disfunction is due to mindset? Which type is the bigger faker?

If an aspie were told "learn body language or die of starvation", what percentage of the WP population would die?