My shrink quit me!

Post Reply New Topic

It seems to me as if everyone on here is a fantastic communicator, maybe just not verbally. Sometimes I just think my brain goes to fast for my mouth & people can't keep up, so I get frustrated & don't articulate myself properly because I have to phrase things in such a way for people to understand. ]

I am an excellent writer; however, if we were to talk in person you would clearly see a difference. I simply can't communicate as well orally and really dont know why. It became apparent to me in high school. I was always a quiet child and people attributed it to me being shy and now I am clearly aware I stutter,repeat words and stammer, but it isn't anxiety. Too bad only now is anyone noticing that I've been mislabeled as shy she I really have a communication problem.

Also the tattoo thing sounds really interesting.

And yes it is extremely difficult to find help as an adult if you flew under the radar. I have been to many doctors who could not explain my "sensitivities" as I know now. Then people see my academic record and hear me talk about my interests and respond with things like you have no disability you are so intelligent!
Yet I clearly dont understand people. I dress comfortable not to impress. That is just stupid to me. I dont follow tabloids because what benefit is it to me to know that Ben Affleck bought a mansion? I probably would get mad at them for wasting money! Lol

I tried to be a cashier once,but my senses were bombarded constantly and I started having panic attacks. Noises literally make me want to attack whatever is making it and nobody can tell me why or I'm just left feeling invalidated.

[ No one cares that I can compare and contrast all the religions & mythologies of antiquity because they are all the same gods with different names & it is fascinating to no one but me.]

Hey now that's not true! I like noticing things like that myself. And by no means am I trying to offend, but religion scares me. It scares me because throught history it has been a tool used by those in power to keep people deemed inferior in servitude. I have philosophies and moral on life, but they are not in just one religious text.

[ Maybe we should just follow Widespread Panic around in tents for the rest of our lives, except I have a heightened sense of smell & hippies smell like nag champa covering BO & it makes me gag. ha.]

I have thought off going off grid,but it would be too hard for me. Ha

[ My son has a pair of chromosomes deleted on one strand, but to make up for it, has a duplicated set on another strand. So, the exact same numbers as a normal person, just rearranged. ]

That sounds like the chromosomes did not split properly during mitosis, can't remember the term for it, it's been a while since biology class! That would have occurred when "Your" sex cells were formed, aka in the womb which leads back to the whole hormonal / gene regulation in the womb. Once acquired this mutation can easily stay within your family's bloodline. So even if it wasn't formed in your cells, you very well could have inherited it. And this could have been inherited many many generations ago! It clearly can't be a detrimental mutation, nature simply doesn't work that way. Society could beg to differ though. Makes me wonder if we are the type of people who will help humanity progress for the better.

Unfortunately the Adderall is not working as intended. It wears off too fast and shocks my system giving me adrenaline induced panic attacks, just like I had as a cashier a few years back. She in my system I feel calm and can think, but the side effects are too much. I was doing a little research and found I may need something that affects that neurotransmitter that begins with an n, I can't remember how to spell it. I was on Effexor a while ago, which also affects it, and it helped with my over sensitivity, but the serotonin part killed my motivation and made me emotionally numb. Another reason SSRIs did nothing but make me worse. I might try Strattera and see how that works. And yes I agree many are addicts because we can't find relief. Many in my family are alcoholics.

Fluorescent lights also make me sick. It could be because they oscillate rapidly and our brains are sensitive to it. Most people are not aware of the flickering until the bulb is about to burn out and we can actually see it flicker.

I will look into that book. Could be helpful.

Not sure if I mentioned it, but I went to high school for visual arts. Did a year of art college but it wasn't for me so I switched to biology. I love drawing animals and plants anyway! I am trying to get into natural homemade soaps, cleaners, foraging, salvaging, etc. And the big companies don't want you to know most of the "good stuff" is naturally derived, cheap and may even be in your garden or home already! If I ever get my soap making going, try looking me up if you are interested

I am ambidextrous to a point. I only use my right hand for writing/ drawing and the left for just about everything else, but switch if I get tired. I can't play instruments because I can't use both hands simultaneously which is also a reason I can not drive because it affects my feet as well. Meaning, I can only focus on one limb at a time and my switching speed is slow.

[And doctors are Trebeks. They can suck it long & suck it hard. Haha. Did I just say that out loud? I can here

I find it worrying

queensnicklefritz, CryosHypnoAeon and Niko_Oeyes all agree with each other and seem to get each other

However, none of them are diagnosed autistic.

But because they all agree they think "we fit in here" and therefore queen and Cryos think "we are autistic" (not sure if Niko has said it, but I know queen and cryos have from their other posts as well as here). It leads to them all becoming sure of their self diagnosis so much they start speaking as though they are sure they are autistic.

I hated to burst their bubble earlier, but now you've started it I might as well.

I honestly think you are NT hypochondriacs. They keep rejecting you for a reason; they see no problem. They help people with problems.

As self-diagnosis provides exactly zero of the external benefits of professional diagnosis, the only other purpose it can serve is internal: People self-diagnose because their personalities compel them to do so.

I know there is no perfect comparison to this whole diagnostic drama. The closest thing I can think of is if someone said, I'm Christian, or I'm Hindu, or whatever, and people told them, "No you're not! You don't act exactly like us!" Or, more accurate for the comparison, "Nuh uh! The minister doesn't think you are so you're not!"

Which works well enough just because how often things like that legitimately happen. Tons of believers of one faith or another attack the members of their own congregation. There is so much judgment among people who should be comforting and supporting each other.

I remember once the minister of my old church told me that in his eyes most of the kids that attended service weren't real Christians. Just because their lifestyles didn't perfectly match his vision of how they should be. In the religious sense, he'd probably be considered an expert, but experts can be biased and flat out wrong.

Look, we all do it now and then. Maybe someone handles things better socially, or they don't have a lot of negative side affects, and we doubt them being autistic. Just like how Christians judge each other based on stuff like how often they go to church and other nonsense.

The thing that we should do is recognize that it is in fact nonsense. I mean, what's the worst case scenario? That someone has enough symptoms that they're convinced they're autistic? That their life is similar to the point that they relate to us, but they're brain is technically NT?

Oh, how terrible! We should kick them out of our club! They need to be cast out!

They'll be fine. Surely they're not lonely and in need of someone like us to give them company. It's not like they came to us because talking to NTs still left a void that maybe we could fill.

And clearly we'd never benefit from them. Sure, they relate to us and are kind, but like... we'd never be good friends. It just wouldn't work out. For reasons I can't explain, but trust me, they exist, because I said so.

So I went to the head dr today. I told him I think I am an Aspie. All my symptoms, family history, etc. He just types & quit scheduling me. He referred me to another dr. Every single doc I have ever been to sends me to another doctor or quits scheduling me. This is a waste of my time, money, and energy. I have decided to stop going to doctors. What is the point? I double majored in psychology. My IQ is 140. I can Pavlov myself. They just want to give you a pill to cover it up. I am manic, but i am not depressive. I don't need an antidepressant. I am hyper & I can't focus with my eyes, but I do not have ADHD. Aderall just makes me loose stuff faster. I do not have a personality disorder, I just have a personality. No one can give me a diagnosis. I have been in finishing school my entire life & have learned to fall under the radar by massive effort. I think it is easier for women, honestly. I was a cheerleader, but only because I am loud & like to jump. I hung out with the nerds. I can mimic body language. This is the only thing that has allowed me to exist. I have no idea what other people are feeling, nor do I honestly give a s**t. I can tell what they are thinking before they think it though, & it is always so mundane & shallow, it makes me want to vomit. Handbags & shoes! Barf. Like this is what matters in life! I go to the country club, but I find the facade of the entire experience exhausting & I want to tell everyone to go f**k themselves. I just want to sit alone in my room and read about mollusks, is all I can think as I eat escargot. I wish I could hide in a shell. When I was a kid, I played with turtles instead of other children. Now I have 3 children. Children love me. They think I am old mother hubbard. They are loud & want to touch me all the time & I want to go into the fetal position. I am getting my third divorce because I can't reciprocate emotions. Ok. Just had to vent to anyone who understands. My house looks like a tornado came through it & I am sick of being talked down to about it like I am stupid. Why do people think they are better than everyone else just because they can match socks? Socks make my teeth itch. I wore flip flops all Winter & my toes froze, not theirs. Why do they care? Then I start talking about Eastern Philosophy & they stare at me with blank faces (they all look blank) & I want to take my flip flop off and throw it at their head. Am I the only one who feels this way? The End.

Personality is ALWAYS the reason because self-diagnosis is fundamentally nothing more than a state of mind. There is literally NOTHING external to the self that can compel one to self-diagnose because there is nothing external to the self that can compel one to adopt any particular state of mind. External circumstances may provide a context for the decision, but they are never the core reason. Barring severe brain damage and the like, the individual retains control over her state of mind no matter what happens to or around her; she, not her circumstances, is therefore the ultimate arbiter of whether or not to self-diagnose.

Personality is at most one reason, but the others could be core reasons also. Without the difficulties obtaining diagnosis or problems getting or lack of need of benefits I do not think most of the people we are discussing (mature adults) would stop at self diagnosis, but you have to ask them to be sure.

I still stutter, stammer and trip over my words even when I'm not anxious.

Your self diagnosis with such little basis doesn't mean you are autistic. Only a professional can decide that. You are not autistic until then.

Personality is at most one reason, but the others could be core reasons also. Without the difficulties obtaining diagnosis or problems getting or lack of need of benefits I do not think most of the people we are discussing (mature adults) would stop at self diagnosis, but you have to ask them to be sure.

It is as if you have not even read the comment to which you have responded. I do not see the purpose of quoting my post just to repeat a point with which I have disagreed without addressing the reasoning behind the disagreement.

Mainly what I come up with is that they can't diagnose me with anything. I have never gotten any sort of diagnosis. And I tell them I don't want to take pills. I am thinking about going to a homeopathic doctor. I told my doctor I wanted some sort of cognitive-behavioral therapy because I had gotten off my pills and felt fantastic. I just need to learn some communication skills and how to interact in the world. Psychiatrists are in the business of writing prescriptions. Psychologists don't know what to do with me because they can't pin me with anything. I think they are a little taken aback by my self-awareness & knowledge of psychology in general. Trust me, after years and years of going to these people, they don't like to have patients other than mindless drones. And I am a jovial person. I laugh a lot and make jokes. I loose my temper some, but I am not depressed. I think they are only used to seeing depressed people.