15 Jul 2015, 12:05 pm
fluffyfluff wrote:
I understand were your coming from hollowmoon - not concerning the part in which people ask you why your not smiling though, but concerning the fact that you don't smile much, me neither, when i'm alone that is. When i'm with people i become bubbly and smiling (so long as i'm comfortable with them and know them well enough), and on occasion i do smile at strangers i walk by on the street, though it feels extremely weird, regardless that i know i do it just randomly and to be nice. But in general when i walk about, i don't smile, i guess you can say i have a blank expression when i walk, though sometimes i find myself thinking, what if i just think i appear to others to walk about with this innocent looking blank expression, but in reality my face wears a expression that says "This person is ticked off, keep at distance", and then sometimes i mentally panic with this theory in mind, because that's not how i am as a person nor how i want to be perceived by other, so then i sometimes try force out a cheerful smile/ attitude instead, and suddenly you get to the part were you think, omg what this doesn't look like normal smiling, and in actuality my shot at being more smiley comes through like this:
haha me too
when i was younger i had problem with smiling, i just know that smile means happy and when i don't know how to respond, i just smiling. I don't know how to smile in an uncertain mood. by observing people, i knew that i have to smile when i talk to people. but that kind of smile (fake-smile) always makes me worry about how do i look, what if i look stupid, scary, etc.
but i don't really care anymore, if i look stupid, then i'm stupid indeed, i'm stupid anyway, i'm just different, i'm fine with that.
when somebody asks why i'm not smiling, i just reply with smiling
31 Jul 2015, 10:39 am
ZenDen wrote:
TheCoolStoryBro wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
TheCoolStoryBro wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
When I speak with others I believe most people think I "over smile." I think this is caused by my (un-dying I'm afraid) belief I'm going to have a very pleasurable engagement with the other person (although it may not turn out that way...Hope can cause pain.). I don't think this is most people's approach.
I hope against hope.
I want to be 100% hopeless, and not 99.999999999% hopeless.
"Never give up ... Never surrender!"
The following is what I said in another forum recently:
"In order to help seekers find a way to eliminate suffering we must offer, if not concrete solutions (which disappoints so many), then hope. And, yes, I've found hope can cause pain, but when understood the pain is a sweet understanding that it is part of a spectacular journey."
It took a while before I understood this, but it's what I believe in now.
I just don't know where I'm supposed to go, or what I'm supposed to do to get a woman's attention.
Outside is for food and exercise, and the women out there have no link with me for these objectives.
I feel like I need a legitimate reason other than wanting a relationship in order to talk to somebody.
Several days ago, I asked a woman for the time because it was getting late.
A few days ago I asked a woman if she could spare me some water because I needed it, and she did.
They both seemed very friendly, but I could not come up with anything else to say.
I can't just walk up to a woman who is smiling at me, say hello, tell her she looks nice, and ask for her number.
I'll do it wrong somehow through my non-verbal language, or even my verbal language.
If they approach me, and if they are persistent, I could see that working out, maybe.
In my opinion, I am good looking, and I've had women tell me I am very good looking before.
That was years ago, before I became uninterested in the outside world and rarely left the house for about 12 years.
There were also women online that thought I was attractive, about 6 years ago.
In my opinion, I look even better now than I ever did because I started exercising about a year ago.
I understand that this painful isolation is like saving up happiness for later when I'm no longer alone,
but it seems like that time will never come unless the right buttons are pushed, and I can't find the right buttons.
No one will give me any useful advice. I've been talking with therapists for most of my life, and they never help me.
Medication makes me far worse, and I've been on more than twenty different ones.
I don't know what to do, and I'm extremely scared of trial and error.
Better to just try to ignore reality by playing video games.
It seems "trial and error" is what human interaction is all about. It's a bummer when you keep getting NO (or no definite indication either way), but you just have to consider that experience just one more step and move on to the next opportunity and consider this part of your learning experience.
Have you hung out in the "Love and Dating" forum to pickup any tips? It's been about two generations and no doubt two "Sexual Revolutions" since I've been where you are now but there seem to be experienced people there with good ideas. I just poked my nose over there and read a post by Fnord which reminded me you need to take a reasoned approach to meeting women. His approach was to make yourself visible (he talked about a skating rink) and frequent it often enough to be recognized (a major tenet in any kind of advertising) so interested women can approach you. I guess I'm saying: If at first you don't succeed, try and try again, using different approaches until one matches your personae.
Sorry I can't be more practically helpful. Just remember you are on the most incredible journey of your life....how exciting it will be for you.
I was thinking the same thing as Fnord. I think I read that post... I probably got the idea from Fnord.
But, I can't think of anything effective in my own context.
A few weeks ago, I tried asking a woman what time it was when I was going for a walk as it was getting dark out.
She gave me the time, and she smiled, and I walked away after thanking her.
I just wanted an excuse to talk to her because she was good looking, but it went nowhere.
And, there was another time a few weeks ago that I needed water after exercising in a park, and I asked a woman if she could spare a little water since I had a long walk ahead of me to get home. She gave me about a cup of water, and she smiled. That water probably prevented me from having a foot cramp on the way home. I had a lot of anxiety when I was trying to get myself to approach her.
However... I started wondering just who's water I just drank? I mean, I don't know her at all. She gave me water out of a bottle that she was drinking from. I could have just gone to the store nearby to get water. She was cute and I just wanted some excuse to talk to her, but it went nowhere.
31 Jul 2015, 3:25 pm
