Skibz888 wrote:
LoveNotHate wrote:
I lived with this too.
Observations:
1. The flashbacks are regarding perceived negative events.
2. They seem to purposely remind me of an event to scream to me "You are a loser" or "You are a failure" or "You were stupid" or "what's wrong with you".
3. They are regarding times when I was very mentally ill and could not act as I would today.
4. I use to say nonsensical words when they would happen to block them from my mind.
5. I am haunted by "is there atonement for what did when I was severely mentally ill?". Though, I never really did anything tragic.
6. Finally, as I got better, they came less often.
How did you deal with it? What course of treatment did you take? Most of these describe me to an uncannily eerie tee.
1. At first, I ignored the problem, and the thoughts overtook me.
I developed and was diagnosed with "ideas of reference" in which those negative thoughts are triggered by other people doing ordinary things. "Ideas of reference" caused me to place blame on other people for secretly trying to send me hidden messages that "I am a loser", or "I am a failure". If a random person laughed on a bus, then it was because they thought I was a failure.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ideas_of_ ... _reference2. I went to doctors. The doctors put me on Resperdal, and then Zyprexa. Neither worked for me.
3. Counseling did not help. One doctor even said, "Just think happy thoughts".
4. I would talk to myself when the intrusive thoughts happened. Sometimes I would try to block them out with nonsensical words, other times, when the thoughts overpowered me, I would end the thoughts with, "I know I should kill myself". Later, I would end the thoughts with, "It's not my fault!".
5. What finally worked for me was to move in with my mom, and rarely go outside. After five years of relatively low stress, I just started to mend. The thoughts occurred less.