Should I involve my as bf in my social life?

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Why can no one know?

I let others know as much as they need to. His whole family knows but still don't understand because they don't take the time to know what it really means and how it effects us. I still am trying to understand and I have put years into this. Just too much for most, they don't care to deal with what they don't know. Like life isn't hard enough, who wants to deal with others problems right? Its a lonely world for both him and I in many ways, his by choice. In the end I am happy to have him!

The level his controlling is worries me, as that's a very dangerous sign. Paranoia, probably stemmed from anxiety, can cause people to do stupid and dangerous things and I'm worried for you. I've seen violence come of this in other people and the partner stayed only because of the kids, not realizing the effect it was having on them. They notice a lot more than people give them credit.
Be careful, and be safe.

When you say "they notice a lot more than people give them credit." Who is THEY?

This is pretty simple IMO.
even though he is autistic, he is still trying to please you.
he is trying to please you by pretending he wants to go to the social things,
which obviously he cannot handle. and for whatever reason, he continues to not realize that he can't handle it. which is the opposite of me, I know I don't like being around people, & I don't go to social gatherings. I know my limits, & I stay away from the danger zones.

what seems to be going on here, from what I have read ,
is that you keep giving in to his requests to attend your social gatherings.
while at the same time he doesn't want to go, or maybe he really wants to go, I really don't know, and ends up bumming out the social gathering.

so in my opinion, the thing to do, is,

tell him to stay home, and don't acquiesce to his requests.

if he doesn't understand, then explain it to him.
and also it is important to make sure that you communicate to him that you truly have good intentions. that goes a long way with autistic people, and NTs as well.

I'm sure he likes to be social to some extent,
however he has to find the right venue for his social interaction.

and he will thank you for convincing him to stay home.

eventually.

Oh sorry, I have a really bad habit with not being clear... Kids notice a lot more than we realize. My own kids are showing me this constantly...

I agree the surveillance alone is rather worrying, but I think there's a difference between controlling somebody and just watching their movements, though the two very often happen together. You don't seem to have said much about how the actual controlling thing happens - except that you've cut down your socialising rather a lot because he prefers it that way, and that people are noticing his strange behaviour and therefore not inviting you to come to gatherings as much as they used to. Would you say that he actively applies pressure to stop you socialising with others, or is it more like he just openly admits he doesn't like it but accepts that the choice is ultimately yours?

This isn't a website for autistic people per say. It is more of an autism community, meaning most people have autism but some people can be autism activists, parents of kids with autism, neurotypicals experiencing difficulties with their partner that has AS and of course those who suffer from the disorder.

This community is probably the friendliest community I'm a part of. The mathematics community is really helpful but on Math SE people can be harsh and sarcastic which makes me confused at times. I don't even bother with thecrim hostile Linux community, I find that the people on it have nothing better to do them rant about how open source things are far superior to closed source software, as it were.

The cyber security community is really harsh as well but I'd say it's a bit better than Math SE. But basically the Security SE community is a bunch of criminals discussing ways to hide their illicit activities with a few exceptions.

Well he doesn't say I can't do things and doesn't say he doesn't like it. He just says things like "why do you want to hang out with that b*tch or, oh, you are you and your fa***t friend have a date". Then he usually won't talk to me for a couple of days. Or accuses me of rediculous things and starts a fight where I have to defend myself. He deletes people he doesn't like off of my phone and Facebook. Then gets mad when I put them back on. Also has sent mean messages to people from my account. He didn't like my job, which I loved, because he was jealous of my boss (whom i had a fling with, not inside our realtionship though) so he insisted I quit when he found out. So basically he doesn't say anything he just makes me pay for it by being mean. None of my friends have names to him, he just gives them a mean title fitting how he feels about them. As long as I am doing things his way or with him then we get along great. And really has a lot of wonderful qualities. This is just one small aspect of him that is not good and hurtful.

I want to make it clear that while these are some serious issues, there is a lot more to our relationship that I am very happy with. I feel like I am painting a bad picture of him and that was not my intention. I love all of the insight I am getting here, it is very therapeutic. But the discussion is about one problem that I am focusing on trying to remedy it doesn't define our whole relationship. I am far from perfect and know if we focused on any one of my many flaws I might look pretty awful. He is a good man with some flaws, minor and major at times.

It sounds like he has an anxiety issue/disorder, which can often be concurrent with, and may be exacerbated by AS/Autism.

Is there any medical history or prescribed medication for this?

I know what you're saying, OP.....but he still shouldn't seek to control your every move and every utterance.

And he shouldn't try to isolate you, either
by going into your account and deleting friends, giving you the silent treatment if you've seen certain people... those are huge breaches of privacy to me, as if you're not your own person and that his paranoia and curiosity is more important than your autonomy.

Kamiyu910 put it quite well.

You have to make sure he stops the extreme stuff---otherwise, it will get more extreme.

I don't like the part that he thinks you're trying to meet other guys - he doesn't trust you. Just because you guys are opposites doesn't mean you can't be together. Aspies need alone time and NTs need social time. You should be able to go to all of your social functions and not feel bad about it. If he wants to go and then leave before you do, the he can take a taxi back home. That way neither of you is dependent on the other for staying at the social function. He also should never be made to feel guilty for not wanting to go out and instead staying at home. NTs and Aspies have very different needs, but just need to understand where the other is coming from, respect the way that they are and both should be able to be together.

What is this? Big red flag - I don't care how long you've been with him. There are big trust issues that I wouldn't put up with. Reminds me of my freaking father. It's hard to change anyone who is controlling and that will probably be what kills the relationship. I'm very open with my information, but someone hacking into my stuff? I have Lifelock for that. He'd be gone so fast his head would spin. No excuse for that kind of behavior.