Mind games

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Agreed. Though, I wasnt seeing it as conflict from the start... just a confusing misstep, for lack of a better term.

Well, it's confusing me, anyway. Or I'm confusing myself at this point.

It's over and done with now either way though, so that works out well enough.

Good for you, Misery. (I mean that sincerely).

I think there is a deeper issue here, and a very important one - how do we, as people on the spectrum, deal
with conflict generally? It's deep and huge - it's the elephant in the room (the forum "room", and the rooms of our lives outside of the forum). I sincerely believe we all need to step back and examine this with cool minds and warm hearts.

Generally, members are pretty challenged in agreeing to disagree. That's a first step to wider healing so that the site becomes one that is more genuinely committed to everyone's well-being, emotional safety and healing. We want this to be a safe place, don't we? Don't we? Really?

So I don't get a lollipop?

I'll settle for a hug, instead!

I think so. We're like oil and water, totally different perspectives that just don't mix.

Here's a hug then: (you). And a hug for Dianthus (Dianthus).

One thing I believe strongly at this stage of my life is this: most conflict (not all) is driven by a sense of powerlessness, and that is especially true for people on the spectrum. We have all in some way at some time been victimised in our lives because of our neurodifference, and that has wounded our sense of personal power; and we easily over-compensate at times by attacking one another. But that just leads to more wounds.. our strength is ultimately to be found in unity and mutual respect and support for one another's suffering, and healing, not fighting over scraps..

Another link, about the connection of powerlessness and how it can drive needless conflict:

http://www.breakthrough.ie/articleissue ... ol3no3.htm

Yes and me too. Just look what is happening in this thread. It's tiresome.

I try to avoid the aggressive and manipulative memes too, but when the logic operating in an environment is aggressive in nature, then it is often difficult or impossible to avoid, unless you remove yourself from that environment.

I suppose some people can use their willpower to pretend that they are in another more peaceful environment, but I've never been able to use my imagination like that. I can't really fool my conscious thought by my willpower.

You're not defusing anything, you are just making things worse. Butt out.

The logic operating in my work environment is a new "productivity initiative" the company rolled out awhile back and yep it's very aggressive.

Cultures of workplaces (and forums!) can become toxic beyond repair sometimes unless there is new leadership, (or sometimes any leadership) strong enough to establish a new culture. Where there is no will to do that (because someone's ego is benefiting from maintaining the status quo - often bitterly) - then you have to do what protects yourself; if you have tried to effect positive change and just been more brutalised, then the culture of a place is toxic and sometimes we have to draw that line in the stand and create new options - never easy, I know.
Dianthus, whatever you do or are feeling, don't abandon hope. I sense this is a really dark time for you. I am sad to know that you are suffering now. I hope that you have at least one safe person in your life who "gets you" and listens and hears you. That "just one person" can save a lot of hearts, minds and lives.

Now I'm reflecting on one of the most toxic cultures I ever worked in, and this website analyses it so well:
http://www.innermedpublishing.com/toxic ... place.html

OH I see
what a load of crap.
It was like that during most of my military career. The meme of "do more with less" evolves into "do everything with nothing". I'm not sure how I survived that because you can't always hide from it.

I'm starting to think that our own individual moralities are probably the biggest hinderance to the logic of our current economic structure, and that money is the primary tool used to force us to ignore our moralities.
I know that this is a system that generates increasing internal conflict over time, but I don't know a solution for it.

It seems that most people deal with this either by turning to substance abuse, or abandoning their sense of self. I can't recommend either of those options.
If the aliens come we can hope that they offer to take us with them.

If they arrive while I'm asleep down here Olympiadis please save a seat for me and pick me up on the way!

Yes most of the things on that list apply to my workplace. Especially the chronic high stress (although they constantly tell us we should be having "fun" as if it's a command) unrealistic expectations and poor communication. And immature leadership? how about clueless, mid-20s managers who talk down to their older, more experienced employees as if we are total morons.

Things have been steadily getting worse for about the last 3 years, but recently the s**t has really hit the fan and the company is having to cut jobs. I have another thread where I go on and on about it and I feel like I could just vent non-stop about it all the time so I won't get started here.

Anyway I had a horrible meeting with my supervisors last week and I realized I may never be able to handle situations like that the way I wish I could. I did the best I could, and I prepared ahead of time and wrote out a paper but I still got lost. I can't think or talk the way these people do, and it's not that I would really want to but I just want to be able to hold my own with it and not lose my ability to converse. I shut down and the manager just talked over me with a lot of bizarre company rhetoric.

It just feels like ALL they want is a puppet who will say the things they want to hear, and they think they can just talk and talk until they somehow prompt you to say those things and then somehow all will be well. And I either don't pick up on what they want me to say, or I do and I just don't want to say it, but either way it is mentally exhausting trying to understand the game.

I really appreciate your kind words B19, this is a very stressful time, especially now that I need to be changing jobs, and getting an evaluation for autism is also huge and came up rather unexpectedly. It's a major turning point in my life, and hopefully something good will come out of all this, but it's extremely nerve wracking. Basically trying to figure out how in the world I am going to support myself financially for the rest of my life and trying to find out whether I'm actually capable of doing so.

Yep, that about sums it up. lol

Ye gods. And here I'd actually felt sympathy for you... I see, perhaps, this was a mistake. Maybe I was wrong then, about the type of person you are, seeing how you're treating people in this thread, that came here only to help. I suppose anger replaces that sympathy, then. NOW I'm near my snapping point.... but I havent hit it, just yet. You didnt even TRY to understand either A: what I said, or B: why I did it? Did you? Or consider that maybe I was just trying to help? And yet that's how you act towards those with that intent?

Somehow, I think I can see where the "mind games" being thrown at you might be coming from. Ugh. You may want to consider that, by the way.

Yes, I'll leave, then, lest I go from unpleasant to.... "unpleasant", with quotes. Self control is kinda cracking here, again.

Dont bother speaking to me on any other section of the forum, on the off chance that should happen. You'll get no response. Blocked, by the way.

Anyway, I'm out.

Misery: I do not want, and did not ask for your help.