How much do you suffer?

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It's hard for me to put a number on this, but today, it's pretty low. As a kid I felt pretty helpless but I'm an adult now and have been for some time. I don't enjoy my sensory stuff, but I have learned ways to manage it. And I'm uncomfortable that people realize I'm weird, but OTOH, do I want to be friends with people who don't accept my weirdness? I'd say time (and control of my own life) have changed things dramatically and for the better. I really don't consider myself as suffering on a day-to-day basis. Realizing that I'm NOT "just" weird was a huge factor in that too, it has been a tremendous relief and I accept myself so much more now.

I do get quite exhausted making sure I'm doing social interactions "right" but I'm not sure I consider that suffering. I'm not saying everyone should feel this way, just that I don't consider it so.

I think you're cool, because you're named after the feminine version of a Beatles' song.

My "suffering" varies. Right now, I'm sort of neutral, leaning towards sad. Maybe a 3 or so.

I am not in a war zone like Syria, I am not a Jew in Nazi Europe so pretty fortunate.

from 5th grade though 9th grade and the first two years of college I rate it a 9 because of bullying and lack of perspective that others have it a lot worse. Last two years of college into my early 30's .5 as I had a good job a lot of people I interacted with liked me. From my early 30's to my mid 50's gradual increase to 5 as Autistic burnout career decline took hold. The year after my diagnosis .5, this year due to serious health issues and the sensory overload/forced to deal with a lot of strangers that accompanies hospital and rehab facilities 6 or 7.

Overall a 3

To put a number on it, I don't know, probably pretty high. Sometimes its okay when my mind is occupied with something but I operate at such a high anxiety level most of the time to ever really stray too far from my situation. It is a stressful time for me, there isn't a lot of security or purpose in my life. You hope things get better and I have made a lot of strides in the last year or two but coming out of a shell kind of snaps you out of the illusion, all your issues are in your face all the time and it starts making sense why I withdrew as much as I did. In terms of relationships, school, work, life experience, I would say it is up until this point been a total disability. I've worked so hard to do things that I am embarrassed to even tell I struggle with, it's hard. I think I thinks its kind of sink or swim at this point, either I get better and some comfort in whatever or it'll just compound to the point I can't take it anymore, it's in my nature to withdraw and I don't want to end up like that. I don't have a lot of people in my life except my immediate family and some support workers, it always seems that the good in life in fleeting. I wish I had a time machine to make things right or to of been born earlier or later in a different place to different circumstances so maybe my current situation would be but I guess everybody does and it's a totally pointless thought. I guess I need to be more interesting, I don't know, I guess that's my problem.

0-3: 2? (cant remember)
4-7: 6 (bullying started)
7-8: 8 (peak of early bulling)
8-9: 2 (having special interest, not paying attention to people)
9-11: 4 (some issues and bullying, but explainable by being "new" in class)
11-14: 9 (peak of 2nd bullying period)
14-15: 10->1 (give up on reality, escape in imaginary world)
15-19: 2 (small school, being accepted)
19-24: 4 (raise in expectations, but doing well in college and having hope for future)
24-26: 2 (starting course for IT specialist, doing well, hoping for future)
Past a few months: 9 (failing at the course thanks to a teacher, further raise of expectations and nagging from my family)
Now: 7,5. Getting better, I expect it to stop at 6 unless something good happens. (End of lessons with the damn teacher, recovering from depression, finishing diagnosis process, regaining hope for future)

around 7 or 8 i guess

I put 7 but it spikes higher on a regular basis. A few years ago it was at 10 because I was in complete crisis in actual practical terms.

Most of the time I feel pretty screwed up, because I've screwed up in life. I don't see much of a future ahead either time-wise or in figurative terms of new things happening or that are able to be achieved. I feel like my life is over and I wasted it. Everything I tried to do in my life came to nothing. And trust me, I tried. I had motivation and I really pushed myself in so many things. But everything failed in the end. I've made really stupid, stoopid mistakes and I can't even pass advice along because nobody freaking LISTENS or values what I've learned and what I would do differently. I'm burned out. I just get up every morning and go through the motions. Any happiness is just temporary stuff I'm only happy in while that activity lasts.

Aristophanes, thank you for that kind offer, I'm moved by that. Thanks.

Aristophanes is cool; he believes in the women running the treasury

No, not at all!

I was referring to Lysistrata, one of my favorite characters of all time.

She wanted to stop wars, so she counseled withholding sex.

I'd say overall, about a 6.5 since I was bullied in elementary and the first year of middle school, and that only stopped because we moved to the neighboring city and I was able to find my niche among the other band geeks in high school. As an adult, I've had a difficult time getting jobs because my Asperger's makes it practically impossible to get through the interview process, and when I've managed to get a job, I've been among the first to be laid off.