My boyfriend is autistic and i need help coping

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My husband doesn't want me to be a stripper but I am sure as hell am allowed to still attend autism groups and munches even though there will be guys there and I am still allowed to chat online.

I think you need to re-read my posts. I am wondering, is English your first language, because you've missed or misunderstood a lot of what I said. I never said I lost my girl. We are still together, after 22 years. How old is your relationship?

We had rough times, I realized I was being a jerk, and I am trying to change. My "girl" calls me on my BS, which is what it sounds like your girl, IF you have one, needs to do with you. We talk it out, and don't try to control each other like some kind of deranged stalker. I'm not talking about going to stripper clubs, I'm saying that we trust each other to do the right thing without constant supervision. THAT'S WHAT MATURE PEOPLE DO.

I think that a successful relationship can get through tough times. I am not a bum. You do not know me, so I think your judgements are little more than insults. If you use this kind of insulting language to talk to your "girl," and demand that she stop seeing her friends, and insult people you don't know, I can see why you are defending the OP's boyfriend's right to treat her like a doormat. I also recall from another post that you describe yourself as "a violent criminal" that was involuntarily locked up in a psych ward. I don't think you've got much grounds to criticize my TWENTY-TWO YEAR MARRIAGE. That is STILL ONGOING.

is your husband allowed to go places with you? if your husband is allowed to see this autism group than your argument defeats itself. there would be nothing wrong with that. if you didnt allow him to go because guys were there than I feel bad for your husband for putting up with you. but i know you arent like that just making a point.

I thought you said you were not together. Well I am glad you are in a happy relationship. And I know you are not a bum and had no intent to insult you at all. My point is you dont ask a bum how to get rich like you dont ask for relationship advice from someone who cant hold a relationship so I did not wish to argue with somebody who did not.
But that is not the case with you. And I agree theres no reason to insult anyone here. Anywho back to the debate at hand.

Ok so tell me how often has your wife left you home alone to go out with a guy that you have never met? And how often do you hang out with girls that may be pretty and leave with them where your wife is not welcome? If you have not done that then how do you think it would feel? Do you really think that is right?

I do not see how being hurt by this is being some over controlling psycho. Honestly I dont now any girls that go out without their husbands that do not cheat on them and I just cant understand why you would let your wife go out with other guys that you dont even know. To me this sounds completely absurd. I dont think hes controlling, I think hes crying and wondering if he should even be with her or to keep trying to wake her up on how a girl in a relationship should act. I mean I know its rough if you cant see a friend cause of who you date and if you arent doing anything, but those kinds of things make bumpy roads and potential disasters later for the relationship. Sometimes friends get drunk and start making out. I mean if my girl hung with a bunch of skeezy guys and I was in highschool no way I would be with her. I just dont think shes good for him. To me it seems like hes the one trying to make it right here.

No my relationships are not perfect, like yours are not perfect. But I have had successful relationships in my life. I dont ask people this in means to insult them, its just that in a place where half the people are virgins I really dont see much need to argue with them about relationships as few here have really been in one. Nothing wrong with that, theres just alot to learn. You know what I mean. And anybody can have a relationship and do things that lead to other things that lead to that accident that ends it. I sure would not want a wife that goes to the club when Im not invited, haha no way I would tell her to take her clothes and toothbrush with her and have fun.

I see others with different opinions so I am not trying to be difficult just trying to understand the mindset cause Im either missing something or really feeling like another species here cause this idea is nuts to me. I dont think this young lady will return to this thread but I still think this is a great debate.

I will bet you $100, literally, that he will not beat her but end up leaving her instead. Then you all cant accuse him of being controlling, cause thats what will happen. Then you can wake up to realize that if your husband is not invited when you are hanging with another guy, theres a reason and whether its the girls reason or the other guys it cant be a good reason. Give me one reason he cant go with her and hang with her guy friends. I mean why would a guy even want to hang out with a girl if he didnt like her. I mean cmon man really, honestly lol guys dont hang with girls like that, this is preschool knowledge.

Last edited by Magi on 10 Jan 2016, 9:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My husband chooses to stay home because he does not like social situations and his feet hurt and our autism group is only for people on the spectrum only.

So hes invited so once again, your argument is irrelevant. You cant say its ok to do something that you yourself wont do cause its wrong. Tell your husband you want to go out with one of the guys next weekend and hes not invited.

At least I have a relationship. She's sitting a few feet away. Yep, 22 years. And we trust each other not to cheat because we don't have the paranoid need to control each other's every moment. Because we are adults.

And I've never been committed to anyplace. Or been arrested for anything. Unlike some people here. Yep, I'm doing pretty good. I am not even slightly intimidated by your make-believe fairy tale Hell, or what some shepherds had to say about it 2000 years ago.

Deal with it. Grow up. Stop having nasty little tantrums. And learn some grammar and punctuation, for the love of God. It might make you sound a bit more like you graduated from grade school.

a person who doesn't want you to have friends is over-jealous and controlling. it has nothing to do with asperger's. he may well turn out to be physically abusive as he's displaying warning signs. run, don't walk, away. if he threatens to kill himself, call 911. stay just until they get there, then cut off ALL contact.

You were reported for calling people names, not for having an opinion. The first report did not come from me, so I guess other people had a problem with it too. You were the one who went on the offensive because you didn't agree with other people's opinions. It was clear from the start that you don't give a damn about helping the 15 year old girl or anybody else. You just want to come in and dump on people to make yourself feel less small. This includes calling an unhappy 15 year old girl a bunch of names when she's already feeling bad. Wow, that is really low.

Resorting to name-calling is always the sign of a weak argument in a debate. It shows that it's the only weapon in your arsenal, and that you have no rational support for the positions you take. That and resorting to calling on an unprovable religious mythology to show how you are right and we are wrong. So there. It's like saying my imaginary pink unicorn says everyone should give me $1,000, because I said so.

News flash: being autistic is not an excuse to be antisocial and rant at people. I'm autistic too, and have the diagnosis. I still haven't heard how long your relationship has lasted, or even if you are in one. You're making a big deal about my age, so I suspect you must be very young, and not very experienced. Just a guess, but that's how you are coming across.

Your reading ability is still sub-par--I never said any of these things you've attributed to me. I said I was in several relationships before the present 22-year one. I've been with the present woman for 22 years. The woman I'm with now has never left me in those 22 years, nor do we date other people. I said our relationship went through rocky times, and it got better. We allow each other to have friends of both genders because we are not paranoid control freaks. It's what people do in mature relationships, whether they be gay or straight.

Last edited by Adamantium on 11 Jan 2016, 2:21 am, edited 1 time in total.: removing quoted language in violation of multiple rules

CherryBomb - You clearly care deeply about him..even though you're 15, the fact that you read about autism to try to further understand him is more emotionally mature than some people will ever be. The same as finding this forum and coming here for help.

I do see what some other posters are saying about the abusive relationship part, but even if you completely dismiss that...it sounds like you've become quite miserable with your life focus being trying to help him get back to the guy you once knew, and help him in general.

The problem is, as others have said, it sounds like he's really not in a place where he has his own sh*t together enough to be in such a relationship. And without him having dealt with parts of him, you can take on the whole load and you'll still only drown.

To me, it also sounds like he has more going on than just autism - be it borderline personality - which does have overlaps, or a lot of hormones, ocd, or other, for the moment, what else, if there is else, doesn't change the fact that there sadly is nothing you can do.

If you stop going out with this friend, the anxiety and focus will pause, and then jump on something else...next, perhaps suspicion that you were looking at some other guy while you both are out, or that you're texting someone behind his back..
When the mind gets in that state, it can spin and keep spinning, making big things out of nothing and even making up things - to the point that every moment, no matter how much you attempt to assure him that you weren't looking at that guy, that you didn't text anyone, that you do love and want to be with him, it will never be enough and it will be All you spend your time doing.

If you're unsure about breaking up, i sense he won't like this, but perhaps you could take two weeks apart? You won't see anyone else during, you just really need time to think and be alone. And during those two weeks...you may get a better sense of where you want to go with this. Getting out of the middle of it may make it clear that this has to end, period. Or that you would like to stay with him, but x and y Must change.. It's hard to make such decisions with conviction when you truly care about the other person and are in the middle of such an emotionally turbulent situation.

If you do end up breaking up, as someone said, it will be hard, but it will have to be done Very clearly. Either way, this is NOT your fault and you are Not doing anything wrong, nor do you have anything to feel guilty about. You clearly care and are clearly trying to make this work and to help and understand him far above what many would.. But you need to take care of yourself too and unfortunately, right now, the relationship is not healthy for either of you.

Yes. The OP is a child. She does not need to be dealing with this sort of thing. Unfortunately too many of our young kids are trying to act way too grown up and the consequences can be very severe. She should be going out for ice cream and holding hands with her boyfriend, not dealing with stuff like this at 15.

Magi, I just reread the OP. I think you have added in a lot of implied things that she has not said herself. You may want to reread it for clarification.

And I am sorry if the professional help is sub par. What I was telling her in my post is that whatever is going on with him, I don't think she is qualified to deal with it and she cannot be the one solely responsible for helping him deal with and overcome his issues.

And they have only been going out for four months. He started placing these demands on her after only the first two months. She is fifteen. This is not a relationship that is healthy for either one of them.

Actually, they're classic behaviours for insecure attachment. Due to higher rates of negative childhood experiences, they may be more common in aspies, but they're not caused by being an aspie, but by having had bad experiences with prior relationships (such as parent-child or peer relationships).

Research has shown that autistic kids raised by NT parents have a higher rate of insecure attachment because some NT parents don't cope well with having a kid who is so different from what they expected, meaning that parents who'd have done fine with an NT child do poorly raising an autistic child.

As for OP, I won't tell you to stay or leave. I'll tell you to take a good look at your own needs. Is this relationship something you feel you are willing to work on, to try to make it work, or is the cost too high for you?