"Easy" questions

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28 Jan 2016, 4:15 pm

I read a really great explanation of these 'easy' questions a while ago, from reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comm ... explained/

Quote:

This is the human equivalent of the initial pings between two modems:

"Hi, how are you? [Hi, I am a human being and I acknowledge that you seem to be one, too. I suggest that we use SP (Social Protocol) for our further communication.]

Fine, thank you. How are you? [Hi, I am also a human being , and I have a functioning installation of SP and am ready to commence communication. Please verify that we have successfully set up an SC (Social Connection).]

I'm just fine. [SC confirmed. Awaiting further communication.]"

Don't f**k the protocol up, or the SC will start lagging.

As a programmer, this explanation really hit home. While I still don't think it's a great question, I do kinda see the point now.

zkydz
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28 Jan 2016, 4:22 pm

Khamul wrote:

I read a really great explanation of these 'easy' questions a while ago, from reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comm ... explained/

Quote:

As a programmer, this explanation really hit home. While I still don't think it's a great question, I do kinda see the point now.

That is so clear!! LOL

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Campin_Cat
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28 Jan 2016, 5:45 pm

Khamul wrote:

I read a really great explanation of these 'easy' questions a while ago, from reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comm ... explained/

Quote:

As a programmer, this explanation really hit home. While I still don't think it's a great question, I do kinda see the point now.

HA!! As a computer person, myself, I LOVE that!! FABULOUS!!

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dianthus
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28 Jan 2016, 7:02 pm

Campin_Cat wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

I think these questions highlight the superficial nature of neurotypical communication. My psychiatrist recently gave me the example of someone saying, "How are you. I've been thinking about you." He told me that this doesn't mean that the person has actually been thinking about you. It is just something people say to make you feel cared about. I asked him why it would make you feel cared about that someone is lying about having thought about you. He said it is just social pleasantry, like grease to keep the motor running. Doesn't make any sense to me at all.

Oh, NO----that really STINKS, cuz I go out-of-my-way to remember to tell people when they've popped in my head during the day / week / whatever, cuz I think it's a really nice thing to do; but, after all this time, I guess they haven't believed me. I would never even THINK to lie about something like that!

Yeah, if I said it I would really mean it sincerely. It would probably never occur to me to say it otherwise.

Now I wonder how many times other people thought I was just saying something phony when I really meant what I was saying.

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28 Jan 2016, 7:08 pm

dianthus wrote:

Now I wonder how many times other people thought I was just saying something phony when I really meant what I was saying.

My experience is always. I don't think NT's have trouble with fluid honesty and have trouble with direct honesty.

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cavernio
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28 Jan 2016, 7:59 pm

Why is there such concern about the way the question is "supposed" to be answered? This is communication, not "I will try to say what I'm supposed to". The latter proves pointless.

Answering " fine " or "good", short things, are your way out of not having to spread personal information. Longer more truthful answers belong in the category of " this person asked me a question that I -want- them to know the answer to ". It's more than just a ping, it's a " what type of ping will I get back? " if, you know, there could be multiple types of pings.

Well, at least that's the way I see it. One is never under any obligation to share or answer questions. A question is asking for information, to which I choose whether to actually answer it. "Fine" means I'm not sharing, for whatever reason.

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28 Jan 2016, 8:33 pm

meh, just say fine, they dont care if it really wasn't. its just a weird NT ritual thing.

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Yigeren
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28 Jan 2016, 10:29 pm

This entire thread is depressing to me, because I realize there are still things that I didn't know I was doing wrong, or have been misinterpreting.

So I kind of guessed that people don't want a literal answer to "How are you?" but I still tend to answer literally. I didn't realize that if someone asks "How was your weekend?" that they don't really want to know. And I didn't know that if someone says "I was thinking about you," they don't really mean it.

I'm having a bad day and for whatever reason this knowledge is upsetting me. I'm wondering how much else there is that I don't know.

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