Un-learning Asperger

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JCJC777
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13 May 2007, 5:09 am

RadiationHazard wrote:

I suppose if you were aware of it early on in life(early childhood) you could head it off at the pass and learn around it, but many of us have had to deal with it so long in our lives that change of this magnitude is so dramatic that it would be impossible(or at least I think so.)

This is a really interesting comment. You don't need to be this defeatist! I just want to encourage you sometime to think positive, and believe it may be possible for you to go down a different and better and happier way.

My 'preparations for entry' include

1.
Change your expectations and attitudes:
(a) Lower your expectations.
I believe AS tendency people are often very perfectionist and demanding of perfect, optimum outcomes, in all areas of their lives. A key first step is to junk this attitude, relax, and expect much, much less. 'Just an average nice time would be fine'.
(Be aware too that AS tendency people often think there is a lot more ‘going on’ in NT conversations and social situations than there actually is. There may actually not be a lot going on - and if you do miss some nuance, it won't be the end of the world. )
(b) Do not expect NT's to follow systems, to be logical, or to be 'tight'.
(c) Do not expect to control conversations, or other people. Let that go.

2.
Recognise that you hyper-systemise;
'Step back' and observe your own brain in action; do you see it...
- active, watching, checking, analysing, working out, all the time?
- referring to past examples, to rules and to logic?
- in a conversation, watching the other person very intently and then thinking 'what does his/her expression mean?' and 'what is it appropriate to now do or say?' (as opposed to 'feeling' what he/she is feeling, and 'feeling' where the conversation is going?)

All the best

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schleppenheimer
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14 May 2007, 8:33 am

I think you are really on to something here.

I especially like the comment you made about a jackhammer being a wonderful tool for breaking up rocks, but you wouldn't want to use it when oil painting. That pretty much sums everything up!

Kris

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14 May 2007, 8:36 am

How do you unlearn something you didn't learn in the first place? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say 'learn to be like an NT'?

agentcyclosarin
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14 May 2007, 8:36 am

beautifulspam wrote:

Unless you are absolutely brilliant in your field and incredibly good looking it's going to be hard to get along in life without some social skills.

If you want to learn NT skills, go to a psychologist and tell him you want social skills training or cognitive therapy. I'm seeing a shrink twice a month for cog therapy and it's really helping me change my behavior.

Good luck to you!

That isn't going to make you unlearn Aspergers its going to help you with your social skills.

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Mitch8817
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14 May 2007, 9:08 am

Sopho wrote:

How do you unlearn something you didn't learn in the first place? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say 'learn to be like an NT'?

Seeing as we're pure logic and possessing no instinct in regards to social matters, everything would have to be learned wouldn't it?

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Sopho
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14 May 2007, 9:09 am

Mitch8817 wrote:

Sopho wrote:

How do you unlearn something you didn't learn in the first place? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say 'learn to be like an NT'?

Seeing as we're pure logic and possessing no instinct in regards to social matters, everything would have to be learned wouldn't it?

But you couldn't unlearn something you haven't already learned. You would have to learn to be NT, rather than unlearn Aspergers. Aspergers isn't something that is learned, therefore I don't see how you can unlearn it.

Mitch8817
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14 May 2007, 9:30 am

Sopho wrote:

Mitch8817 wrote:

Sopho wrote:

How do you unlearn something you didn't learn in the first place? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say 'learn to be like an NT'?

Seeing as we're pure logic and possessing no instinct in regards to social matters, everything would have to be learned wouldn't it?

Ah yeah, I get you. Maybe the way he uses the term means something else? I'm too tired to think

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Sopho
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14 May 2007, 9:31 am

Yeah, me too. I need to stop staying up on WP till 5am.

Mitch8817
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14 May 2007, 9:32 am

Sopho wrote:

Yeah, me too. I need to stop staying up on WP till 5am.

But...it's just so hard to resist. People need to post faster dammit! I'm sick of having to refresh so many times

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agentcyclosarin
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14 May 2007, 9:33 am

Sopho wrote:

Mitch8817 wrote:

Sopho wrote:

How do you unlearn something you didn't learn in the first place? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say 'learn to be like an NT'?

Seeing as we're pure logic and possessing no instinct in regards to social matters, everything would have to be learned wouldn't it?

Or learn how to unlearn these behavioral traits when in fact, its much more feasible and progressive to learn how to communicate better and some good social skills, how to fit in to the social life thats true to YOU because not EVERYONE socializes the same way. Easier said than done for sure but why UNlearn something, AS gives you a lot of advantage but as they say you have to give AND take and this is why we LEARN social skills not UNlearn our brains infrastructure [ because thats surely going to happen ].

Not ALL NT's are as polished and clean with their social skills as we think they are. There are many NT's that have JUST as much trouble in this field it is simply human nature that when focused on the bad things in life to filter out all the positive and find evidence in the bad thus validating yourself. Its like and I say from experience, negative self image. Looking for validity you go out and see only the people that are "better looking", "more fit" ect and completely ignore the rest of the population.

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Mitch8817
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14 May 2007, 9:35 am

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the entire idea of trying to 'unlearn' Aspergers is really negative...like we have to erase our characteristics and uniqueness in order to fit into the pre-existing NT mould.

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Danielismyname
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14 May 2007, 9:35 am

Beware
Social Walkers are everywhere
see me better than me they see
I only wish to reside beside the sandy sea
socializing is one grain in the brain’s manual
logic cannot calculate this conundrum
so I’ll find meaning in that single granule
whilst you beat your cured drum
I’ll swim in the sand that's everywhere
aware

Sopho
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14 May 2007, 9:36 am

Mitch8817 wrote:

That is exactly how I see it.
Why should we have to do that?

agentcyclosarin
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14 May 2007, 9:37 am

Mitch8817 wrote:

Agreed, some people however are SO set in their ideals of what is and what is not that they dismiss any alternative methods or possibilities.

Danielismyname wrote:

You should write more poetry.

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Mitch8817
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14 May 2007, 9:40 am

Sopho wrote:

Mitch8817 wrote:

That is exactly how I see it.
Why should we have to do that?

I assume because we're a minority, and a misunderstood one at that. They want to 'normalise' us so we can conform to the more dominant aspects of society and what they dictate as important (social interaction etc.).

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madscientist
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14 May 2007, 9:42 am

I agree completely. One can no more "unlearn" AS than one can "unlearn" to have blue eyes. JC's suggestions are spot-on, it's an adjustment of expectation and learned social skills to compensate for the difficulties that AS can bring which are essential. Keep in mind that AS provides some definite advantages as well, ones which I for one would find impossible to live without.

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