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People obsessed with your flaws

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aja675
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28 Jul 2016, 10:14 pm

What made me insecure about the insults of these people was that they had good traits that I didn't have, like good grades and a good work ethic. Their insults made me feel like I was someone with a disfigured face who was being insulted by a supermodel.



aja675
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01 Aug 2016, 9:42 am

Also, their effect in my life is still strong because they were literally the only people I was close to for years.



chaitmanta
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02 Aug 2016, 1:44 am

Oh boy. I'm currently going through a similar issue with a group of people that I care about. Long story short, I recently found out that I've been "discouraging" the entire group simply by being present, through my demeanour or something similar. The entire time I thought I was going well, not saying or doing anything that may make others uncomfortable, since nobody ever took me aside to give me some feedback on my mannerisms.

They didn't want to upset me though, and so chose to not tell me anything at all about this. As far I'm concerned, they were lying (by omission) to me for an entire year.

Naturally, I wanted to improve my social skills, so I go to them for advice. What do I get in response? "Try harder."

Try harder at what? Try harder to not have Asperger's? Try harder to not offend?



Jacoby
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02 Aug 2016, 2:00 am

I'd say I'm more obsessed with my flaws than anyone else is.



aja675
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02 Aug 2016, 9:54 am

aja675 wrote:
Also, their effect in my life is still strong because they were literally the only people I was close to for years.

I'm still waiting for my closure.



aja675
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06 Aug 2016, 3:08 am

Here's what I think I should do to prevent such a situation in the future: 1. I will not blabber constantly about something when someone or some people aren't interested. 2. I will not pretend to be stupid.



aja675
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06 Aug 2016, 3:11 am

SocOfAutism wrote:
Yup, okay. Sounds like they're jealous of you. I still think some of this must have to do with how you look or with someone having romantic feelings for you, or else the word "slut" wouldn't have come out. Which isn't something you can do anything about. But probably most of this is simply academic jealousy. You're doing better than them and are seeming to be on the side of faculty, so they are resulting to petty attacks to make themselves feel less small.

It doesn't sound to me like you've done anything wrong here, just that you have little in common with these people. I'd just try to be cordial, polite, and not expect them to be your friends. I'm sure your friends are more on the same intellectual and class level as you.

As for being called a slut, it was because I grew up online, so I could sometimes have a sexual tactlessness to myself, which contrasts with the conservative Catholic society I live in.



JakeASD
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06 Aug 2016, 3:12 am

I think if anyone is obsessed with my flaws it's me.


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aja675
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06 Aug 2016, 5:12 am

aja675 wrote:
Here's what I think I should do to prevent such a situation in the future: 1. I will not blabber constantly about something when someone or some people aren't interested. 2. I will not pretend to be stupid.

You see, when I first met these people, I acted stupid because I assumed that stupidity equaled popularity.



auntblabby
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06 Aug 2016, 5:19 am

the people who gang up on others due to their flaws need to look in the mirror first and remove the plank from their own eyes before thinking themselves qualified to remove the speck from one's eye. why can't people just live and let live?



aja675
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06 Aug 2016, 5:48 am

auntblabby wrote:
the people who gang up on others due to their flaws need to look in the mirror first and remove the plank from their own eyes before thinking themselves qualified to remove the speck from one's eye. why can't people just live and let live?

Let's face it: the person I pretended to be in front of them was pretty annoying. I may not have deserved it, but a lot of their reactions were misguided ones to the fake person I was in front of them.



auntblabby
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06 Aug 2016, 6:08 am

oh, pretending to be something other than what one naturally is, is a horse of a different color.



aja675
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06 Aug 2016, 6:18 am

auntblabby wrote:
oh, pretending to be something other than what one naturally is, is a horse of a different color.

Here's how it worked: I pretended to be someone else when I was young and um, I wouldn't say stupid, but I had convinced myself that I was. Also, it didn't take long until I had become what I had pretended to be. Being forced to hang out with the people who judged me ensured I couldn't reinvent myself and I couldn't act in any other way than fake.



DemophobicKlingon
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06 Aug 2016, 5:45 pm

I feel like there are specific people who are like this. I usually like to avoid people who can only see my negative qualities when I can. I am not very good with criticism but I know there are people like that it there. I guess personalities can just clash and not everyone takes into consideration that some people are different from others. I sometimes feel like people like this are just judging me for existing but I know that I am far from perfect.


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07 Aug 2016, 12:18 am

Well I'm obviously obsessed with their flaws, but that's only because they have so many. :roll:



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07 Aug 2016, 5:07 am

aja675 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
oh, pretending to be something other than what one naturally is, is a horse of a different color.

Here's how it worked: I pretended to be someone else when I was young and um, I wouldn't say stupid, but I had convinced myself that I was. Also, it didn't take long until I had become what I had pretended to be. Being forced to hang out with the people who judged me ensured I couldn't reinvent myself and I couldn't act in any other way than fake.

that manner of thinking confuses me. :? it is a calculation that is beyond me.