Is it for a family to "not accept" their ASD child?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not officially diagnosed, but my family at best looks down on me and at worst pretends I don't exist (like not inviting me to family events, activities, or holidays for years). They do these in response to my traits that are congruent with ASD traits.
So yeah, you could say it happens. I have gone through a range over the years. From being mocked and teased or the butt of jokes, to being excluded, to being yelled at for being me. It is frustrating. It has made me cry. Since another holiday has passed, another example yet again is there. I get treated as less than an adult, but more than a child. My opinions are disregarded with a pause/headshake/eyeroll, and they move on in conversation like I hadn't said anything. This is from my sisters, of which I am older than all of them.

:Shrug: What can you do? If you ignore them, they do the same thing. If you correct them, they do the same thing. One of them, since she is more educated regarding childhood development than the others, tends to be more accepting and will put some effort into understanding what I am saying (which is always very roundabout). But the rest don't, for the most part.

Actually my parents never made a fuss over my 'peculiarities'. They allowed me to be myself, i.e. read books instead of socializing, they never spoke to me as if I was a child, never made me accept the 'because I said so' bs, encouraged my curiosity and stimulated critical thinking. So I was tremendously lucky.

Aunts & uncles, nieces and nephews: nope. They are so 'normal' (mediocre) that they can't understand anything I do. E.g. "Why go for a PhD? Are you that afraid of working?" As if it's not a job (yes we get paid and yes it's hard work). E.g. "Why aren't you married with kids yet?" E.g. (when I worked at a law firm) "Why do you work such long hours? You'll never find a man if you keep this up." Oh and my favorite: "Why did you get your IQ tested [the last time it was mandatory during my aspergers diagnosis tests] again? You are just stuck up and weird. You think you're better [never ever even looked/talked down or said anthing of the sorts] because you like learning, books, science, and all that stupid nerdy stuff. Can't you be normal and into football like us?" Etc.

Their idea of life is: go to high school (maybe college but not uni) - marry - make babies- don't stand out - don't make waves.

I've tried opening myself up to them time and time again, but they always break me down for no apparent reason. Maybe it doesn't help that I grew up on a different continent.

My half-peoples (dad's 1st wife - 2 sisters - 1 brother) are mostly accepting. One is a psychopath though and one is a leach. The rest are amazing and kind.

Like many of you I too wasn't accepted for who I am either. My parents never abandoned me in terms of getting rid of me but more or less put up with me as if it's some sort of duty of care. Although i'm grateful for that and I always will be, it doesn't stop the fact that they resent me because of my learning difficulties and my dad especially didn't want anything to do with me because of it.

Like many of you I wasn't accepted at home or at school when I was a kid so I can relate.
If it wasn't for the community of fellow aspies that I've befriended I'd be completely on my own and alone.
If people can't accept us, all we can do is try to accept ourselves and each other.

I've been working on accepting myself as I am over the past 3 months. If my family isn't going to do it, than I will. I accept everything about me that the NTs in my family resent. I've been making peace with myself. It's been difficult at times when someone got in the way, but I kept on plugging at it. I've found myself as I originally was before I had to go through that puberty crap. Proud to be Canadian, lover of Germany and German things, avid hockey fan, drawer of Mounties and avid watcher of The Dukes of Hazard and Hogan's Heroes and a lover of all types of music - old and new. I'll be keeping that between all of you, my two closest friends and myself. My family doesn't need to know right away.

While my immediate family accepts me (but I learned not to talk about Autism, Aspergers, etc around them) the same can't be said for my extended family. My cousin was visiting my city recently and after I told her mother through my mother I am not going to give up my home and bed for the weekend for them to stay in it (no doubt for free), she never made any attempt to contact me out of spite. My own mother got angry at me for daring to think that I was "selfish" for not putting my life on hold for a spoiled, lazy cousin who only wants to see me when I can get something out of it. I also had another cousin visit my city and was literally working TWO DOORS away from my home and he never once tried to contact me! Even the cousin who married (and divorced) a weirdo who looked like an obvious pedophile (he was later tried and convicted on child porn charges), has declared bankruptcy twice, can't hold down stable employment and is weird with a capital W gets more acceptance than I do!

We sent out our wedding invitations a while ago. Almost all her family is coming from all over Canada and even a few from Europe. With my side, NOT ONE person has even bother to respond to my invitation either way like I didn't even send it. This is after I sent them all a gift when they all got married! Other than my Grandmothers, it's like I literally don't exist in their eyes. I will spend my entire life trying to understand why: I was not perfect but was always a sweet and kind child. On the plus side, her side seems to treat me well accept me: I have learned a few of her cousin's children have been diagnosed with Autism so at least one side of my our family 'gets' me

My family dislike me for my non-NT traits.