Handflapping as an adult

Post Reply New Topic

I actually don't know. My husband thinks in a similar way and often asks me similar questions. I think that if someone actually insisted me to change my stim or stop, I would leave. I have never had someone insist but I have gotten plenty of weird looks from people. I have had people point it out to me and ask me politely to stop but in those situations I have just told them that I need to do it and that I can't stop and they have understood. I think that in those situations it was about appearance and that is all it was about. I am pretty sure of that because they were not actually affected, they just thought it was strange and wanted for me to look normal when I was with them.

But because of how I grew up and the insecurities I had because of my Autism and Misophonia and how I was treated because of them, I always grew up thinking that in any situation, I was the one who was wrong. So if I was bothered by something someone else did, like if I was affected by a sound or something, I was wrong and I had to change what I was doing because what they were doing should not bother me. And I was also made to believe that if other people were offended or bothered by what I was doing, I was wrong and had to change what I was doing to make them comfortable. And sometimes I would be punished as well for these things. So a lot of my behavior patterns stem from that. But after I found out that I was Autistic and Misophonic a couple of years ago and after the huge burnouts, I had to make some changes for survival and the ones that made the most sense to me were to stim when I need to even if others are superficially bothered and to remove myself from a situation that bothers me.

The other part of it is that if I am overwhelmed by someone or if I am stimming, I might not have the actual ability to communicate in a negotiation. I might be too overwhelmed to do that and just not mentally able so the quickest and most effective thing is to leave the situation.

I have never had this come up in a work environment because I only work in environments that I can work in without getting overstimulated like that. If the environment is not right for me, I will not last in it. And I have never worked with another person who stimmed in an invasive way. I have met or seen some when I was out and about but never in a work environment or in a school environment so that has never really come up. The closest I can get to that is people who pop and snap gum. I cannot tolerate that at all, not even a little bit. I have missed many classes in college from having to walk out of them and had to walk away from many meetings and situations because of it. I have even left groceries sitting in the aisle at the register because I could not tolerate the cashier's gum noises. Sometimes if I politely ask people not to do that they are happy to spit the gum out or not do it. But many, many times, I have just been told that I am rude for asking and that i need to just get over it and that it should not bother me because it does not bother anyone else and I need to just tune it out. Of course, being Autistic and Misophonic, it is physically impossible for me to tune it out and not be bothered so the only solution I have left is to leave.

I suck at Yoga but I continue to try to learn. Right now yoga can even stress me because I am so bad at it! Water is amazing for me on so many levels. Whether I am just casually looking at it or staring at in in at stim or hearing it, smelling it when it is clean and fresh, feeling it on my skin, kayaking/boating in it or swimming, it is always wonderful. Rain, streams, creeks, babbling brooks, rivers, waterfalls, lakes, oceans, I love it all. Even snow and ice! I find it extremely therapeutic, calming and soothing. I really connect with it. From what understand, many Autistics are attracted to water and are soothed by it.

That's cool. I like the water in the sense of swimming, walking/moving, or being on a boat or beach. I also have one of those water sounds apps that I use on my phone now and then.

As for the yoga, I don't really care how good or bad I am at it, not all that much anyway. That's not really the point of yoga for me. The instructors also say that as long as you are breathing and moving, you're getting something out of it. I try to keep that in mind when I have trouble with a move.

There are two reasons when I flap: I'm either conducting a music group, or, if I've been on the computer too long and my hands go numb.

I am so glad you said that. Now I don't feel so bad about my lack of talent and ability in that skill and I will continue to keep trying to learn.

I just had a hilarious visual of a hand flapping music conductor. That would be a great comedy sketch.

Your post made me cry. Happy tears, that the world is changing - that we autistics are changing - so much that we can now take a sort of of ownership-pride in stimming. And know that by doing so as adults, we are sending a message to the next generation that they are okay. Thank you.

Not the way my disability attorney put it. Even though the conducting is in a definite pattern, my attorney still considered it hand flapping, especially when you don't have a baton.

Wow! Thanks. Your response makes me very happy. I'm glad someone was moved by what I said.

I am confused. Even without a baton, how is conducting considered the same as hand flapping for stimming purposes?

As far as the attorney that handled my disability appeal for SSDI was concerned, legally it is considered to be hand flapping. Besides, when my hands go numb, I'll flap to get any kind of sensation back in the hand. I was doing plenty of it this morning during Sunday School and Church, since my right hand was doing nothing but cramp up on me from when I walked in the vestibule at 9:00 AM this morning until services were finished at 1:45.

Oh, I see. Well it's good that your attorney is looking at every possibility to get help for you.

Actually, his part is finished, since I was awarded SSDI 4 years ago, after he was successful in winning my appeal, much to the chagrin of my brothers, who consider me to be a worthless bum who doesn't deserve to live. When I started threatening suicide, they handed me a rope and told me to do the deed, right then and there, so they could laugh and p!ss on my grave.

I flap my hands a lot. My mom yells at me when I do it. I tend to do it most when I am really excited or really nervous.

I bounce/shake my leg when nervous too... my husband tried to stop me, which makes me more agitated... I tend to rock when excited/happy

I've only just realized recently that I tend to flap when I'm excited. It must have been subconscious for quite some time, because as I looked over my life I realized I do it all the time when I'm alone, as if my subconscious already knew that people would give me odd looks if I did it in public. Whether I'm walking to the kitchen to grab a soda or sitting in a seat and see something funny or exciting on Youtube, I'll flap around for a few seconds without any noise. It's relieving to me. I've only just now opened up to doing this in front of my wife, who simply looks at me curiously and goes, "What the heck are you doing?" I just tell her I do it because it feels good, and it does.