SerinaSings
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 11 Oct 2016
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 66
Location: USA
05 Nov 2016, 4:17 pm
skibum wrote:
Yes, it is very important to distinguish between being appropriate and being normal. We can be appropriate without sacrificing who we are and how we function. We don't need to pretend to be NTs all the time in order to be appropriate. Being appropriate is very important and something we can actually learn to do. Being NT is not.
YES YES YES!! ! Couldn't have put it better myself.
I have spent my life trying to pretend to be NT, and in my experience I can manage it for about three years on average before I get a big burnout and have to take time off and completely switch gears/plans/careers. I'm in a burnout period now, which makes all the autistic traits come out much stronger, and this time it led to a diagnosis. Huge relief to finally know what is causing this pattern. And now I can make another set of plans that include accepting myself for who I am, so hopefully I won't train wreck in three years again.
Yes, being appropriate in society is what holds society together: we all have to do this, NTs and NDs. But pretending to be something I am not doesn't last for long and has huge consequences.
05 Nov 2016, 4:24 pm
That is fantastic that you got a diagnosis Serina. I think that will be really helpful to you. Burnouts are very brutal. Take really good care to be gentle on yourself and to allow yourself time to recover the best you can. I am also still trying to get stable again from my massive burnout last year. I don't know if full recovery will ever happen from it. Right now I am still just trying to get some kind of stability and trying to prevent another massive burnout. It can take lots of time to get back on your feet from a big one. I wish you the very best.
Skibum
05 Nov 2016, 4:27 pm
05 Nov 2016, 4:33 pm
05 Nov 2016, 4:37 pm
skibum wrote:
Claradoon wrote:
Please - make I ask you, if you want to quote, to click the Quote box (top right of message you are answering). Then it'll give you a box and you type your answer. Then Send. It shouldn't block out the previous post.
Are you addressing this post to someone specific? I am sorry, I am confused.
To everybody, really. Sometimes an answer completely blots out the post it's answering, which is hard on my eyes.
Clicking the Quote box at top right of previous message quotes it without blocking stuff.
Sorry, do I sound crabby? No, please - it's much to hear from you than to worry about formatting! Maybe I need a nap.
05 Nov 2016, 4:38 pm
05 Nov 2016, 4:43 pm
05 Nov 2016, 4:45 pm
05 Nov 2016, 4:48 pm
Claradoon wrote:
That's very kind, Skibum, thank you!
You are very welcome my friend.
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 118,420
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
05 Nov 2016, 6:12 pm
05 Nov 2016, 6:22 pm
League_Girl wrote:
FandomConnection wrote:
Lonarabaran wrote:
I think we must learn
1- To always be cognizant of the fact that we are different.
2- That our way is not the only way
3- to learn tricks not to get stuck in our head when we need to be present.
4- to become accepting of situations we don't like rather than expecting others to accommodate us. ( this one is very important!)
5- To stop trying to do the right thing or say the right thing when it is not our place or required. It always back fires!!
" sometimes people with Aspergers take actions without realizing their effect on other people"
6- to learn to be appropriate in public. Not normal because normal is fluid and hard to grasp. To be appropriate and pleasant
1- To always be cognizant of the fact that we are different.
2- That our way is not the only way
3- to learn tricks not to get stuck in our head when we need to be present.
4- to become accepting of situations we don't like rather than expecting others to accommodate us. ( this one is very important!)
5- To stop trying to do the right thing or say the right thing when it is not our place or required. It always back fires!!
" sometimes people with Aspergers take actions without realizing their effect on other people"
6- to learn to be appropriate in public. Not normal because normal is fluid and hard to grasp. To be appropriate and pleasant
As nobody (but two other people my age, not counting my mother, who does not believe it) knows that I suspect I have ASD, nobody accommodates me and my unusual preferences (no bright lights/loud noises/strong displays of affection etc.), so I think I'm alright on that one. I am not inappropriate in public (my friend - who knows - told me that she sees that if I don't know what to do/say I don't do anything, so I don't act inappropriately).
I guess that I cope (and have coped without assistance all through my life), only it seems harsh for my mother to tell me that I can't expect people to accept me as I am. If she thinks there's something wrong with me, why doesn't she give me help instead of denying it and berating my character?
She might not realize you have a condition. Because you look normal, she assumes you're normal so she is treating you as such. She thinks you can change and sees your symptoms as behavior or habits. Another thing, it could be denial. Some people seem to think that if they ignore a problem, it's not there and it will go away.
And in reality, not everyone is going to accept you and that is true for NTs too.
We can't accept everyone.I do suspect she's in denial. She kept me down in preschool for lack of social skills and fine motor control. She refused to let me skip grades for the same reason. She is a doctor, and I've discussed my suspicions with her, but she said to 'stop being stupid' and that I'm 'not like that'.
SerinaSings
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 11 Oct 2016
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 66
Location: USA
05 Nov 2016, 6:45 pm
FandomConnection wrote:
She is a doctor, and I've discussed my suspicions with her, but she said to 'stop being stupid' and that I'm 'not like that'.
Ouch.
My grandmother used to tell my dad and his sisters, whenever they did something dumb, "The older you get, the stupider you get." He grew up hearing that and it hurt him a lot for a long time, and he didn't want to pass that on to me. He and my mom consciously decided to raise me differently and did a good job of it.
Your mom might need some time to accept you, or may never be able to for whatever reason inside her. However, whatever her decisions, you can make other choices in your life.
It still hurts. Big hugs.
05 Nov 2016, 8:13 pm
05 Nov 2016, 9:30 pm
SerinaSings wrote:
FandomConnection wrote:
She is a doctor, and I've discussed my suspicions with her, but she said to 'stop being stupid' and that I'm 'not like that'.
Ouch.
My grandmother used to tell my dad and his sisters, whenever they did something dumb, "The older you get, the stupider you get." He grew up hearing that and it hurt him a lot for a long time, and he didn't want to pass that on to me. He and my mom consciously decided to raise me differently and did a good job of it.
Your mom might need some time to accept you, or may never be able to for whatever reason inside her. However, whatever her decisions, you can make other choices in your life.
It still hurts. Big hugs.
Thanks for the advice. Thanks for the textual hugs. They're much more enjoyable than physical hugs!
05 Nov 2016, 9:32 pm
CockneyRebel wrote:
I'd rather be happy than normal. There are times that I need to be appropriate are when I'm at work and around my parents. The rest of the time I can wear a German helmet and be as young as I feel, having fun.
True.
Why the German helmet?
05 Nov 2016, 9:46 pm
