How you come across online vs. in real life

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the_phoenix
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28 Dec 2016, 10:00 pm

auntblabby wrote:

the_phoenix wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

but his avatar means well.

and what of a name that includes the word "menace" ?

his bite has more of a menacing bark than a menacing bite, as he hinted at in his reply.

well, his reply says he avoids eye contact
but I say,
"What big eyes you have ... "

auntblabby
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28 Dec 2016, 10:02 pm

the_phoenix wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

the_phoenix wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

but his avatar means well.

and what of a name that includes the word "menace" ?

his bite has more of a menacing bark than a menacing bite, as he hinted at in his reply.

well, his reply says he avoids eye contact
but I say,
"What big eyes you have ... "

IRL I have noticed that the ones who do not make eye contact with you are unpredictable.

the_phoenix
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28 Dec 2016, 10:08 pm

auntblabby wrote:

the_phoenix wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

the_phoenix wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

but his avatar means well.

and what of a name that includes the word "menace" ?

his bite has more of a menacing bark than a menacing bite, as he hinted at in his reply.

well, his reply says he avoids eye contact
but I say,
"What big eyes you have ... "

IRL I have noticed that the ones who do not make eye contact with you are unpredictable.

* grins mischievously *

Okay, more seriously, I can make eye contact pretty well ...
I think there are just times when I don't like if someone is congratulating me on something,
then I'll get all embarrassed and look down ... and miss out on sharing a special moment,
so I wish I could train myself a little better.

* switches serious mode off again *

Okay, but those Great Big EYES ?!?!?!?!

...

blackicmenace
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28 Dec 2016, 10:08 pm

the_phoenix wrote:

blackicmenace wrote:

I am shy and don't talk to people unless I know them and have something relevant to say or if someone asks me something. As to how other people perceive me, not entirely sure. I have a hard time verbalizing what is in my head. I avoid eye contact. Online, how do you perceive me?

Your avatar is scary with the big eyes ...

Is that better?

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the_phoenix
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28 Dec 2016, 10:10 pm

blackicmenace wrote:

the_phoenix wrote:

blackicmenace wrote:

Your avatar is scary with the big eyes ...

Is that better?

Awwwwww, now that's the cutest, sweetest, blackicmenace I ever did see! :heart:

Ashariel
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28 Dec 2016, 10:12 pm

the_phoenix wrote:

People looking for friends like to share what they have in common.
Even if it's as simple as both liking the same color or the same flavor of ice cream.
And if you're silent because of the simple mere fact that you agree ...
people are going to overlook you
and communicate instead with the people who are posting.

Also, if the only time you ever post is to put up an unpopular opinion,
people will wonder if you're doing it on purpose,
either because you're always out of step with everybody else,
or even as a mild form of trolling?

Not that I've ever seen you as trolling.
I've just seen you as pretty quiet
and as someone who hasn't seemed to want to communicate with me before.

...

Those are really helpful points, thank you. I'm seeing here that my problem is I don't approach it as 'looking for friends', simply participating in a group discussion. And yes I can see how only posting if I have a different viewpoint to add could look like deliberate negativity and trolling. I need to work on that!

It doesn't help that I have strong schizoid tendencies, and try very hard not to 'bond' with anyone. This is due to a lifetime of painful failure in that department, so I protect myself by not letting anyone get close to me. And I'm all right with being solitary, with not having 'friends' per se, but I would like to at least be accepted as a 'generally okay' person in a group situation, and not seen as a troublemaker or inherently awful, unlikeable troll.

Good things to think about, and I appreciate your insights! (And sorry I'm not being more helpful with other people's feedback requests - I've been away for a while and don't know everyone well enough to give any input!)

blackicmenace
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28 Dec 2016, 10:13 pm

the_phoenix wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

but his avatar means well.

and what of a name that includes the word "menace" ?

I have used this handle ever since my first email when the internet became available to the public. It is a Shadowrun reference. Black Ice, a menace to deckers.

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blackicmenace
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28 Dec 2016, 10:22 pm

the_phoenix wrote:

blackicmenace wrote:

the_phoenix wrote:

blackicmenace wrote:

Your avatar is scary with the big eyes ...

Is that better?

Awwwwww, now that's the cutest, sweetest, blackicmenace I ever did see! :heart:

Thank you!

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Lockheart
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28 Dec 2016, 10:29 pm

I am more confident and articulate online than I am offline because online I get to communicate in writing. Talking on the spur of the moment is difficult. My thoughts flow much more easily in writing, and it's easy to revise your words if you want to hone your message. I was hugely self-conscious about this disparity when I was younger and had penfriends. Whenever I met one, I was always worried they would be disappointed when they met the "real" me. I'm not sure if they were or not. However, I did get into trouble once for "misrepresenting" myself when I had to describe myself in writing for an exchange program. I ended up getting matched to a very outgoing host family because I sounded like I was outgoing myself. That was pretty disastrous.

blackicmenace
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28 Dec 2016, 10:32 pm

Ashariel wrote:

I also struggle with misunderstanding people's motives, and 'taking things the wrong way'. I think I genuinely suffer from paranoia, and have a tendency to interpret comments as being cruel toward me, when they weren't intended that way. (Or maybe they were? My problem is I honestly don't know, and can't tell the difference!)

This makes any kind of interaction difficult for me, but I'm learning to cope with it by trying to be respectful, fair, and clear in my own communications, regardless of whether other people were intentionally trying to be antagonistic toward me.

Also, 'not adhering to herd mentality' is one thing, but at some point I have to wonder if I'm just this completely horrible, wrong person, for never being able to find acceptance anywhere. (Again, not a complaint, just an examination of my situation!)

In real life these are non-issues, because I just smile and nod and try to fit in. Online, it's more of a problem.

I have a tendency to over analyze the things people say to me IRL which can end with more questions than answers.

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auntblabby
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28 Dec 2016, 10:36 pm

real people in real life f2f usually operate way too fast for me to comprehend in real time.

kdm1984
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28 Dec 2016, 10:45 pm

Oh, I absolutely have similar issues!

I come across as intellectual, well-written, and thorough online. People are amazed at how much better I can express myself online than in everyday life, even if they also perceive it as overly analytic or tactless. In everyday life, I'm like a cipher. I hardly exist. I'm very passive, and people tell me to be more assertive and such. I'm so shy, tiny, and deliberate.

auntblabby
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28 Dec 2016, 10:46 pm

^^^glad you're here at least :wtg:

kdm1984
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28 Dec 2016, 10:49 pm

the_phoenix wrote:

That said, when I don't disclose I'm female on a forum, people can easily get the impression I'm male.
I was once told by a feminist (oh, the irony!) on a forum that I was "too intelligent" to be female.

And it wasn't like I was trying to fool her.

lol I know what that is like.

kdm1984
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28 Dec 2016, 10:49 pm

auntblabby wrote:

^^^glad you're here at least :wtg:

It is helpful to come here occasionally

auntblabby
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28 Dec 2016, 10:53 pm

kdm1984 wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

^^^glad you're here at least :wtg:

It is helpful to come here occasionally

this place saved my life. :heart:

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