Thesis on aspergers:

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I don't know what you had, maybe some milder form of issues but I agree with this post. Glad that it's going well for you. Good luck

Ok.
Your post was right below mine so I assumed you were replying to me. It is easy when there is multiple replies to lose track of of all the "[/quote]"'s

If you did not have repetitive and restrictive behavoirs be they verbal, physical, or special interests of atypical intensity perhaps you were or you had what is labled Social (Pragmatic) Communication Disorder in the new DSM diagnostic manual.

There is the controversial hypothesis and at least one peered reviewed study that seems to confirm that autistics can lose their diagnosis meaning the Autistic traits are no longer impairing enough to meet the diagnostic criteria.

Of course I can not undiagnose you based on a few posts.

I checked that link out and I fit every description of it. Even though I talked a lot, as I mentioned I was acting. When I changed, it surprised my whole family. My sister came up and told me and said "wow you're not shouting anymore" as in, my tone was apparently use to be unstable. I was speaking too quietly, or too loudly and my tone of voice never matched the conversation except once in a while. When it came to family dinner events like christmas, my family would hold structured conversations while I was funny, I chucked in one lines or said something funny.

I'd do things like if I circle my hands, then I'd have to circle it back to make me feel like everything was in order. Of course I grew out of it when I was 16, but it still made me realize that it wasn't normal. I remember back in school, I' play by myself because I was lost in my world. I was like some dragonball Z character fighting bad guys or something for example. Also light and sound use to make me feel irritated to the point like it was dizzying, or made me feel very dissociative or out of body. I don't have a problem with that now since 23, especially when I started going to parties and clubs, I never had any problems.

I think it's most likely social problematic, but the thing was, I was labelled as having asperger's and symptoms were far too similar as well.

Okay.




Sounds like this fits you from the article: "Some children may have forms of autism that are more likely to subside with treatment or maturation."

Perhaps so and because I'm old enough and aware of every intricate changes in my body, I'm able to communicate the changes what I felt during before and after these changes. The thing I kept noticing was the pressure or the top front whole of my head grew a pressure. Whether I did it manually or it just happened, it remains to be known. The first time I got it, my whole head had a rush of endorphins and it felt so good and relaxing, then a day later I had a strain or almost like a headache in the front part and around my forehead which I never had before. Ever since that day, It now feels like I'm thinking from the front part of my brain and not the back is the best way to describe it. The feeling of wholeness is still there but I'm use to it now that I don't even notice it, but ever since that feeling is there, I am now able to communicate on a normal level, if not better since my language was very verbose. This could potentially be a reason why it's impossible to ask NT's how they feel in their heads when they think/communicate.

Here's what's interesting. Noticeable changes for me was this:

-I use to fear group settings, events or certain people (mute selection) even though I knew there was nothing to fear but my body made the fear. After the changes, it's as if a small amount of endorphins is constantly running through my head, as if there's nothing to fear in any of these settings. Infact I seek them out which was never done before as in I talk to girls like they're people and not so mystifying. As if I understood what to do or as if my brain filled in the gaps. Perhaps fear may be chemical based? Because before the changes, I knew there was nothing to be scared of or fear, and I knew that rationally, yet my body and mind made me want to shut off from these things and people, then all of suddenly after the changes- with the same state of mind, my body allowed me to do it without a problem.

-Communication with people was slow, off-tone and lacking, if not uncomfortable all the time. I wasn't able to express emotions easily. For example when an argument break-out, I could only stand there and go "what" or struggle to explain. After the changes, I'm able to intellectually defend myself in an argument to the point that I usually win the argument with the help of expressing my displeasure. I was acting and playing the part when it came to socialising. Now I can communicate to anyone in a clear precise manner. I also lacked confidence and had to ask for something several times but now I'm able to ask once and without conviction with a powerful voice.

-My voice changed to be more deeper, powerfuller and confident. Perhaps due to knowing what and how to talk.

-Topics flow easy for me and I never run out of things to say compared to before the changes, I always ran out of things to say or could never think of anything to say. I can also initiate now compared to waiting for people to start a conversation with me.

-Everyone seemed to know what was going on or do things without being told. Whenever I did something such as shoveling or even walking, I've been told I look awkward. I've been always he last one to find out (perhaps due to not talking) but since the changes I'm in the "know".

-Conversations are synced now, like I'm in sync with everyone and everything. When you're not in sync, people can somehow instinctively tell there's something wrong with you. best way I can do it is NT conversation reply speed to each other might be 0.35 of a microsecond but if you're around 0.50 they pick it up because it disrupts the flow of their normal sync that they're use too with people, along with the lack use of proper facial expression. Before the changes when I go to a room, people would look at me and not say anything as if there's nothing to say. almost a social blockage. I was the one that had to try hard to keep the conversation going. After these changes, I walk into a room, people are more receptive. Perhaps it's due to my body composition, open body language and correct natural facial expressions. If I go silent for a split second in a conversation, they're the ones that find a way to keep it going instead of me trying so hard like I use too. Even non-verbal communication such as typing, writing and texting have become very clear, precise and abundant to the point I wouldn't have been able to type this much except for one liners or a single paragraph.


-My body composition changed and my posture became more natural. Instead of rigid all the time, I would display open body language without trying or thinking.

-I don't get tired from socialising anymore.

-I notice I can stay up much later than usual and go through the day without power naps like I use too. More alert.

-I get bored of doing same thing or routine and seek out new and stimulating things, events or people. Planning for the future is much more easier.

-I'm not depressed or suffering any social anxiety anymore.

Thats why "waking up" felt like a dream. It was something I was dreaming to become the whole time but thought of it as impossible. When it happened, I found it hard to believe, which therefore felt like a dream. Especially when I had my first conversation which flowed so perfectly and flawlessly that it lasted 3 hours without me knowing. It felt natural but weird because I wasn't use to it. I was use to thinking of something then saying it, or I had to plan ahead.

Hm well, I can get a mix of adrenaline and endorphins flowing during hard intervals in my training (at the start of them, before the going gets tough), and that can cause weird sensations like that around my head. I think it doesn't really mean much otherwise, it does not really say anything about your brain's functioning beyond that. Pressure could also result from you tensing muscles.




You're still verbose Not that I mind. Just saying it as a fact.

And no, again, I don't think you can sense where you think in your brain. Actually, the frontal lobe is where most conscious processing happens (executive functioning) and maybe the cingulate cortex, not sure on that one (it's a bit speculative IMO - not my theory btw). So you always had your frontal lobe active when thinking before, too.




Okay yes, your emotional attitudes changed like I said before. The endorphin thingy indicates you have a very positive attitude now. This is good. If you also feel mentally strong enough to handle difficulties - that most definitely will crop up dealing with people, just as they do for anyone else, life is just like that! - then that's cool, too. Don't let yourself withdraw again if there is a problem with people or in a relationship, just see it as an opportunity to learn, understand the issues, find solutions if possible or find closure if needed, and keep moving forward.




Do people tell you that you communicate in a clearer way?




Again, result of emotional attitude change.




Result of paying more direct and more continuous attention to your surroundings and people in it. (Like in your focal exercises, I suppose.)




Yeah, again the result of you tuning into the environment more and picking up the sync with it and with people as part of the environment. It's actually one of the reasons why I don't see myself as being on the spectrum, since I have access to the sync naturally. I didn't have it when I had some social anxiety and other things going on that made me very closed. But I didn't forget what the sync is like, just for a long time I withdrew from people.




Oh yeah, it's probably a more open body language. This is where I feel similarities with you, since when I was going around in very a closed off state, I had people not look at me much etc., blockage like that. Then with a shift in internal attitude, I was able to look more open again. It does almost seem magical when I do that, lol. Since I'm not very consciously aware of what changes in my body language and expressions (though I can try and observe my body language a bit, I don't bother with that much).

The last line of yours here I don't get, you said you used to be too verbose, now you say you used to do one liners? I'm not following that part.




Yeah same comments as above. The endorphins, they do sound like almost hypomania for you but as long as you function fine, and your thinking is normally functioning as well (instead of racing thoughts, etc), I don't think this is hypomania, just returning to a good baseline of positivity. A bit more extraversion, as well. Hope your plans for the future are being executed neatly and consistently (again, if consistently done, this isn't hypomania).




It certainly is possible. I was around the same age you are when something similar happened to me - though I did take a much longer time to figure it out (long story, and it would be too off topic here).

I'm curious, can you say how this exactly started, do you remember the exact moment where the change happened or started to happen? What was that moment like? Did you start your focal exercises after that, or what made you start on them?

Indeed I am but even before I was still verbose but it was one sided conversations. I thought if I could sound elegant then that's how you talk. I didn't know people use to listen to me for the sake of listening. That's why I couldn't sustain a proper conversation because once you realize that conversations are when a person replies back while maintaining the topic. Now it's different, it feels like a dance. Even if there's a pause the other person would think of something to say compared to a funny look and a smile, or awkward statements from them.



That's the thing though, I've always had the exact same state of mind. The way I can put it is even before the changes, when I tried to change my emotional attitude like "I'm going to be happy or be positive" and do my best at it, but the results would still be negative. I would still be awkward or shut off to certain people, then continue to analyse why I felt like that inside or why it went wrong. It's after the changes that it seemed that my positive emotional attitude seemed available for everyone to pick up on. Of course I don't intend to withdraw. I'm making friends that was beyond my capabilities, like for example, I paid for something at a check-out in a small shop and I ended up chatting with him for 15 minutes straight like it was nothing. That elusive ability of how I use to wonder how people can just be friends and chat with anyone anytime, and I ended up doing it. It's a good feeling and I don't want to lose it.



That's what I'm thinking. That's why I believe there's some certain awareness that NT people can do which has nothing to do spiritually but chemically. For example, when you tell an ADHD kid to focus on his work- how will he do it? Does staring at the work and looking at the letters count as focusing? The best way to put it is this. I know that ADHD people can't focus but what if it boils down to that he doesn't know how to focus, let alone feel the focus the whole time? Even if he discovered to focus like NT, he'd still need to practice it and self-discipline but it should make it easier to build up focus with the ground to work on.

That's what I lacked though but in mainly the social ques part and the way I lived my life. That's why I had intense focus on games or subjects about spiders without breaking focus. In Fact that's how I kind of figured it out. What if I applied that same amount of intense focus, that feeling but in small doses in everyday life and my surroundings, and it helped.




Ahh I should clarify. The one liners relates to the last bit of my paragraph of non-verbal communication. In forums or text messages, it wouldn't be paragraphs or detailed things that I wanted to say. Pretty much, I was just some dude post funny comments on posts. In saying that though, I'd crack one-liners at family dinners ad group conversation. I couldn't lead them. Now I start the group conversations. It's fascinating.

It's true about the body language. You see, even when I use to study social cues and body language and apply them before these changes happened to my body, I would have to manually make an open body language, yet it seemed people could pick up something was off. After the changes, the body language was so natural and second nature. I'd be chatting to someone and because I'm aware of what I'm doing, I catch myself realising that I'm resting my elbow on a bookshelf while chatting casually. Something I would've never done before, in fact, the old me would try hard to have an open body language. Like I would face my body towards them and give them my undivided attention and try to show an interest facial expression. Basically I had to manually do all these before the changes that happened and it was hard and draining. In other words I was acting and perhaps people can see it.



Interesting indeed. I researched on hypomania but I don't think I fit that description. Hypnomania seem to suffer grand delusion, but as for me, if I'm wrong, I can admit it. I don't shovel my beliefs down people's throats except to share and discuss. Maybe I was a closeted extrovert the whole time?This rush of endorphins is perhaps what extroverted NT's feel? The same reason why these extroverts can talk to crowds of people without feeling anything wrong while feeling good and invincible. Because that's what it feels like for me. I can talk to groups of people and not feel anything wrong at all compared to before, I would avoid groups and also the fear of being left out all the time like I use too. It'd make sense that too much endorphins can make one feel too invincible and lead them into a grandiosity. Though I do feel grand sometimes but how do I know it's not the testosterone talking lol. I monitor my moods, and yes I get good and bad moods, but the endorphin is still there. I'm assuming if it peaks up and down or disappears it could relate to bipolar but thank goodness it seems to be stable.



Honestly it took alot for me to crack. You know when you've been living life and from your own point of view, it's normal? That's what it was like, but everyone knew I wasn't normal. When people didn't feel like talking to me, I just thought they had somewhere to be. When people use to give that avoidant look, I just thought I wouldn't "connect" with that person. It all started when I realized a few weeks after my birthday. I'm still at home with mum and dad, and my youngest sister who was getting married at 21. My siblings are all married but me. Then it occurred to me logically that I'm going to die alone. I didn't share any memories with anyone.

So I talked to my very few friends I could trust and talked me into online dating sites. The thing is, I found girls attractive and desirable and wanted to sleep with them but when it came down to the crunch, I found it repulsive. I knew kissing would feel good but the thought of the saliva would be disgusting. I knew sex would feel good but the body odour and among other things was too unappealing. After I changed and when I started talking to girls, I discovered the feeling of "connection". Before the change, I lead the illusion that I felt connection with people only because it made me feel good when I talked at them, but it changed when I felt the real connection. I remember when I became friends with a girl and this applied with any other friends I made there-after. The connection felt like an invisible but physical feeling. It made me want to be around her and other people because of that. It allowed me to get to know them and knowing them, along with powerful new emotions, made me realize it would make me look past what the human body repulsed me with.

I digress. It happened when I "snapped" so I realized I wasn't normal. It's like everyone knew but me this whole time and didn't want to tell me. It scared me. So for that year I practiced advance social cues, reading people and open body language. Problem was it worked but for short bursts. I was only acting and not DEVELOPING with people. Even when I talked with my family, they knew I was trying to change but it didn't work. Because I could only hold conversations for close to an hour while they can spend the whole day talking to each other/

So I had to figure out the problems. I remember I started off by clearing my overthinking mind. I would go to sleep and make sure my mind was completely blank. Next day it made me feel good as I read articles that over thinking can be bad for the body as well as adding unnecessary stress to it. Then I would do things like go for walks and practice paying attention and focusing hard. One day I felt I was able to express emotions while feeling energetic, and remembering how sharp my memory had become, but it wasn't enough to convince me. It wasn't until I had a conversation with my boss. It wasn't just any ordinary conversation. I was obviously giving my boss eye contact, but I decided to apply that focus I was practicing, then all of suddenly, the person's face became sharper. He showed facial expressions to which I reciprocated so easily without a problem. The conversation flowed so perfectly. So I thought to myself, What the hell was that. That was too good to be true. So I caught up with a friend and did the same thing and lo" and behold the same thing happened again! It felt good yet so weird. Then that's when I got bold and ate at the dinner with the family. They were shocked in disbelief that I was talking to them in a way that made them feel comfortable.

So that's the best way I can sum it up.

Eh, the focus thing means you no longer have the exact same state of mind. The openness and endorphins mean you don't have the same emotional attitude. This is all I meant And with you analyzing so much what you felt or why it went wrong, again a different state of mind.

I don't think talking 15 minutes to the shop guy means you are friends with him. Just a friendly acquaintance. Friends are a longer term thing.

I'm sure you won't lose the ability to be friendly and connect on that level easily




Awareness: yeah possibly. I don't think it's as simple as that though. Your focal exercises don't explain how to focus better than just focus at the letters, for example. You already had the ability for that part.




Interesting.




Yes, people can see that.




You don't sound extraverted, you still naturally analyze a lot lol.

Only full-blown mania would come with those grand delusions etc. Hypomania is a lot less extreme. If your mood stays and feels like a normal baseline then it's not hypomania tho'.




Makes sense.




Lol I would not want to spend the whole day talking to people. Not everyone does that.




Wow ok, that's interesting. Was your attention not quite on the person before you tried this focus thingy? Like you were half inside your mind or something? That's not an entirely familiar state to me though when I was very closed, I was a little bit "away" from the focus on people, "blocking" it out a bit so I did ignore their body language etc. But it was just due to being closed. I did not need to practice any new focus to come back to the open mode, I guess I didn't forget it entirely.

For you this is an entirely new focus? You didn't have it as a kid either? I did have it until I developed social anxiety at age 13 for a while.




OK my version was a bit different. But I think I understand what you're talking about.

One more thing. What does "mute selection" mean? I googled the term and found nothing other than the two mentions of it in this thread .