12 Aug 2017, 6:05 am
will@rd wrote:
bb400guy wrote:
Maybe I can offer some information that may help (or not). My son is now 5 years old, he said a few words at around 16 months and then stopped. I've only heard a few words since then. None of these words have ever been directed at me or other people, rather they seem to be his own internal speech (thoughts) spoken out loud. For example:
@ 16 Months: waiting at the front door to leave our house - "Go. I go".
@ 3 Years: at daycare he fell backwards onto a toy and hurt himself, the daycare staff said he clearly cried - "Mommy, mommy".
@ 4 years: at the table in front of a birthday cake - "cake".
@ 4-5 years: and a rare occasion when he's upset about something he'll say - "nah, nah, nah", he clearly means "no".
These few times I've heard his voice demonstrates that he has not discovered or developed an understanding that he is a separate person from other people, that we all have individual minds and this is why we communicate to each other. From what I can tell (and have learned thru RDI), he sees me (people) on an instrumental level or as an object - he knows I'm daddy vs. a stranger, but only on a visual level.
A child cannot just start at speech, but rather communication must develop first, and the initial stage is a baby slowly developing this awareness of self from others typical between 6-9 months. As it develops, they first become aware of their parents emotions and are drawn to looking at them for their emotions and often "borrow" them (parents smile, baby smile etc). In RDI this called Emotional-Sharing-Communication and its targeted in therapy first, before speech. It must develop before speech, otherwise a child misses this developmental step and may learn to speak (attain words) but not the ability to communicate so they don't talk to people or their speech is limited to asking for things rather than taking an interest in another person mind/emotions.
After learning this and becoming really aware of it, I'm often consciously thinking about just how much my and other NT minds (I don't have ASD) take in and respond to while people are in conversation with each other. Speech or language is a very small part or end result of all the other things our NT minds subconsciously do.
Another way of trying to explain this - I would not hold a coffee cup in my hand and talk to it/look for emotions from it - why? Because my mind knows there is no other mind to talk to or give emotions in the coffee cup. Although this may sound silly (or even unintentionally offensive to some) this separate mindful awareness is exactly what's in effect with my son, but just in an relationally opposite way as he only sees me like I see the coffee cup, as an object. Our emotional sharing communication isn't there because this separate mindful awareness is absent in my son's mind. This is why my son is unaware/shows no response when I pretend to cry in front of him or after giving him tickles/scratches (which he loves) does not give them to me when I ask him.
When a child's mind doesn't discover the above or their therapy neglects to actively develop this, they go on thru life without all the interactive everyday situations with other people that shapes their mind to have the ability to commutate with other people. This leaves them with altered or atypical neurological development which in turn impedes their ability to communicate. Over a lifetime this can be devastating.
Ezra S, you can sing, but singing is not communicating with other people, and this may be why you can't talk to other people. Or maybe this is not it at all, and yet another ASD therapy is wrong, but this is the best explanation I've come across to explain what I'm experiencing with my son at home and it might help you. Maybe you could try to go thru all the online RDI material on their website, it takes a while (2 years for me!), but it really helped explain ASD at its core. Self-awareness is never a bad thing.
On a personal note, Ezra S, as I became aware of my son and his ASD I read thru many of your post and they gave me a deeper understanding of how ASD impacts a person (your profile seems to match my sons). From what I've read about you and your thoughts and how you can communicate thru this forum, you've given me a lot of positive hope for my son and that one day we too can communicate with each other. Talk/text/gestures doesn't really matter to me, anyway we can do it is good with me. And even if this never happens, my son will always be good with me.
-BB400GUY
@ 16 Months: waiting at the front door to leave our house - "Go. I go".
@ 3 Years: at daycare he fell backwards onto a toy and hurt himself, the daycare staff said he clearly cried - "Mommy, mommy".
@ 4 years: at the table in front of a birthday cake - "cake".
@ 4-5 years: and a rare occasion when he's upset about something he'll say - "nah, nah, nah", he clearly means "no".
These few times I've heard his voice demonstrates that he has not discovered or developed an understanding that he is a separate person from other people, that we all have individual minds and this is why we communicate to each other. From what I can tell (and have learned thru RDI), he sees me (people) on an instrumental level or as an object - he knows I'm daddy vs. a stranger, but only on a visual level.
A child cannot just start at speech, but rather communication must develop first, and the initial stage is a baby slowly developing this awareness of self from others typical between 6-9 months. As it develops, they first become aware of their parents emotions and are drawn to looking at them for their emotions and often "borrow" them (parents smile, baby smile etc). In RDI this called Emotional-Sharing-Communication and its targeted in therapy first, before speech. It must develop before speech, otherwise a child misses this developmental step and may learn to speak (attain words) but not the ability to communicate so they don't talk to people or their speech is limited to asking for things rather than taking an interest in another person mind/emotions.
After learning this and becoming really aware of it, I'm often consciously thinking about just how much my and other NT minds (I don't have ASD) take in and respond to while people are in conversation with each other. Speech or language is a very small part or end result of all the other things our NT minds subconsciously do.
Another way of trying to explain this - I would not hold a coffee cup in my hand and talk to it/look for emotions from it - why? Because my mind knows there is no other mind to talk to or give emotions in the coffee cup. Although this may sound silly (or even unintentionally offensive to some) this separate mindful awareness is exactly what's in effect with my son, but just in an relationally opposite way as he only sees me like I see the coffee cup, as an object. Our emotional sharing communication isn't there because this separate mindful awareness is absent in my son's mind. This is why my son is unaware/shows no response when I pretend to cry in front of him or after giving him tickles/scratches (which he loves) does not give them to me when I ask him.
When a child's mind doesn't discover the above or their therapy neglects to actively develop this, they go on thru life without all the interactive everyday situations with other people that shapes their mind to have the ability to commutate with other people. This leaves them with altered or atypical neurological development which in turn impedes their ability to communicate. Over a lifetime this can be devastating.
Ezra S, you can sing, but singing is not communicating with other people, and this may be why you can't talk to other people. Or maybe this is not it at all, and yet another ASD therapy is wrong, but this is the best explanation I've come across to explain what I'm experiencing with my son at home and it might help you. Maybe you could try to go thru all the online RDI material on their website, it takes a while (2 years for me!), but it really helped explain ASD at its core. Self-awareness is never a bad thing.
On a personal note, Ezra S, as I became aware of my son and his ASD I read thru many of your post and they gave me a deeper understanding of how ASD impacts a person (your profile seems to match my sons). From what I've read about you and your thoughts and how you can communicate thru this forum, you've given me a lot of positive hope for my son and that one day we too can communicate with each other. Talk/text/gestures doesn't really matter to me, anyway we can do it is good with me. And even if this never happens, my son will always be good with me.
-BB400GUY
Fascinating.
I do sometimes think of people as not much more than coffee cups - or CG characters. Intellectually, I have learned this is not the case, and yet...
This explains so much about my inability to connect with other human beings in long-term, or fulfilling emotional relationships.
It's difficult when you get the idea of what it's supposed to be like but just don't make the connection. CG characters is a good analogy. Or people programs in the Matrix. Sometimes I feel kinda guilty about it. Like cold hearted.
12 Aug 2017, 10:32 am
I used to have a stutter and a stammer when I was younger, but after some speech therapy I managed to overcome this. These days I don't have any vocal issues. I do enjoy singing, there's something almost freeing about singing, even if it's just in the shower. 
I'll admit I don't have much of a personal style when it comes to singing though, I usually just try to impersonate the singer when singing a song. For some songs this works (pretty good at singing "Lay all your love on me", "Dancing queen" and "Titanium" but song like "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley I tend to miserably fail at). I got an A- in school for singing in music, so I suppose I'm alright. Still definite room for improvement though.
I've been meaning to look into singing more really, learn a bit more about different vocal ranges and notes. Unlike some of my friends, I kind of have a thing for musicals, haha. 
12 Aug 2017, 2:58 pm
My speaking ability is a mess but I like singing too. I have about 4 songs that I will sing on repeat for hours. I actually do communicate in singing sometimes too. Tend to make little songs about everything like how I love cornflakes and how my cat is the cutest cat.
EzraS wrote:
will@rd wrote:
bb400guy wrote:
Maybe I can offer some information that may help (or not). My son is now 5 years old, he said a few words at around 16 months and then stopped. I've only heard a few words since then. None of these words have ever been directed at me or other people, rather they seem to be his own internal speech (thoughts) spoken out loud. For example:
@ 16 Months: waiting at the front door to leave our house - "Go. I go".
@ 3 Years: at daycare he fell backwards onto a toy and hurt himself, the daycare staff said he clearly cried - "Mommy, mommy".
@ 4 years: at the table in front of a birthday cake - "cake".
@ 4-5 years: and a rare occasion when he's upset about something he'll say - "nah, nah, nah", he clearly means "no".
These few times I've heard his voice demonstrates that he has not discovered or developed an understanding that he is a separate person from other people, that we all have individual minds and this is why we communicate to each other. From what I can tell (and have learned thru RDI), he sees me (people) on an instrumental level or as an object - he knows I'm daddy vs. a stranger, but only on a visual level.
A child cannot just start at speech, but rather communication must develop first, and the initial stage is a baby slowly developing this awareness of self from others typical between 6-9 months. As it develops, they first become aware of their parents emotions and are drawn to looking at them for their emotions and often "borrow" them (parents smile, baby smile etc). In RDI this called Emotional-Sharing-Communication and its targeted in therapy first, before speech. It must develop before speech, otherwise a child misses this developmental step and may learn to speak (attain words) but not the ability to communicate so they don't talk to people or their speech is limited to asking for things rather than taking an interest in another person mind/emotions.
After learning this and becoming really aware of it, I'm often consciously thinking about just how much my and other NT minds (I don't have ASD) take in and respond to while people are in conversation with each other. Speech or language is a very small part or end result of all the other things our NT minds subconsciously do.
Another way of trying to explain this - I would not hold a coffee cup in my hand and talk to it/look for emotions from it - why? Because my mind knows there is no other mind to talk to or give emotions in the coffee cup. Although this may sound silly (or even unintentionally offensive to some) this separate mindful awareness is exactly what's in effect with my son, but just in an relationally opposite way as he only sees me like I see the coffee cup, as an object. Our emotional sharing communication isn't there because this separate mindful awareness is absent in my son's mind. This is why my son is unaware/shows no response when I pretend to cry in front of him or after giving him tickles/scratches (which he loves) does not give them to me when I ask him.
When a child's mind doesn't discover the above or their therapy neglects to actively develop this, they go on thru life without all the interactive everyday situations with other people that shapes their mind to have the ability to commutate with other people. This leaves them with altered or atypical neurological development which in turn impedes their ability to communicate. Over a lifetime this can be devastating.
Ezra S, you can sing, but singing is not communicating with other people, and this may be why you can't talk to other people. Or maybe this is not it at all, and yet another ASD therapy is wrong, but this is the best explanation I've come across to explain what I'm experiencing with my son at home and it might help you. Maybe you could try to go thru all the online RDI material on their website, it takes a while (2 years for me!), but it really helped explain ASD at its core. Self-awareness is never a bad thing.
On a personal note, Ezra S, as I became aware of my son and his ASD I read thru many of your post and they gave me a deeper understanding of how ASD impacts a person (your profile seems to match my sons). From what I've read about you and your thoughts and how you can communicate thru this forum, you've given me a lot of positive hope for my son and that one day we too can communicate with each other. Talk/text/gestures doesn't really matter to me, anyway we can do it is good with me. And even if this never happens, my son will always be good with me.
-BB400GUY
@ 16 Months: waiting at the front door to leave our house - "Go. I go".
@ 3 Years: at daycare he fell backwards onto a toy and hurt himself, the daycare staff said he clearly cried - "Mommy, mommy".
@ 4 years: at the table in front of a birthday cake - "cake".
@ 4-5 years: and a rare occasion when he's upset about something he'll say - "nah, nah, nah", he clearly means "no".
These few times I've heard his voice demonstrates that he has not discovered or developed an understanding that he is a separate person from other people, that we all have individual minds and this is why we communicate to each other. From what I can tell (and have learned thru RDI), he sees me (people) on an instrumental level or as an object - he knows I'm daddy vs. a stranger, but only on a visual level.
A child cannot just start at speech, but rather communication must develop first, and the initial stage is a baby slowly developing this awareness of self from others typical between 6-9 months. As it develops, they first become aware of their parents emotions and are drawn to looking at them for their emotions and often "borrow" them (parents smile, baby smile etc). In RDI this called Emotional-Sharing-Communication and its targeted in therapy first, before speech. It must develop before speech, otherwise a child misses this developmental step and may learn to speak (attain words) but not the ability to communicate so they don't talk to people or their speech is limited to asking for things rather than taking an interest in another person mind/emotions.
After learning this and becoming really aware of it, I'm often consciously thinking about just how much my and other NT minds (I don't have ASD) take in and respond to while people are in conversation with each other. Speech or language is a very small part or end result of all the other things our NT minds subconsciously do.
Another way of trying to explain this - I would not hold a coffee cup in my hand and talk to it/look for emotions from it - why? Because my mind knows there is no other mind to talk to or give emotions in the coffee cup. Although this may sound silly (or even unintentionally offensive to some) this separate mindful awareness is exactly what's in effect with my son, but just in an relationally opposite way as he only sees me like I see the coffee cup, as an object. Our emotional sharing communication isn't there because this separate mindful awareness is absent in my son's mind. This is why my son is unaware/shows no response when I pretend to cry in front of him or after giving him tickles/scratches (which he loves) does not give them to me when I ask him.
When a child's mind doesn't discover the above or their therapy neglects to actively develop this, they go on thru life without all the interactive everyday situations with other people that shapes their mind to have the ability to commutate with other people. This leaves them with altered or atypical neurological development which in turn impedes their ability to communicate. Over a lifetime this can be devastating.
Ezra S, you can sing, but singing is not communicating with other people, and this may be why you can't talk to other people. Or maybe this is not it at all, and yet another ASD therapy is wrong, but this is the best explanation I've come across to explain what I'm experiencing with my son at home and it might help you. Maybe you could try to go thru all the online RDI material on their website, it takes a while (2 years for me!), but it really helped explain ASD at its core. Self-awareness is never a bad thing.
On a personal note, Ezra S, as I became aware of my son and his ASD I read thru many of your post and they gave me a deeper understanding of how ASD impacts a person (your profile seems to match my sons). From what I've read about you and your thoughts and how you can communicate thru this forum, you've given me a lot of positive hope for my son and that one day we too can communicate with each other. Talk/text/gestures doesn't really matter to me, anyway we can do it is good with me. And even if this never happens, my son will always be good with me.
-BB400GUY
Fascinating.
I do sometimes think of people as not much more than coffee cups - or CG characters. Intellectually, I have learned this is not the case, and yet...
This explains so much about my inability to connect with other human beings in long-term, or fulfilling emotional relationships.
It's difficult when you get the idea of what it's supposed to be like but just don't make the connection. CG characters is a good analogy. Or people programs in the Matrix. Sometimes I feel kinda guilty about it. Like cold hearted.
I feel the same way.
