"You need to make a contribution" (I know, I wish I could).
"You need to learn to deal with situations better, instead of going into a big panic" (I know, but I can't).
"You need to come up with a better system for not forgetting things" (I have tried, they never work).
Basically anything where the other person is confirming the frustrations I already have about myself. They're saying "you need to change this thing. If you change this thing, you will be happier." And I know this already! But it isn't possible to just change the thing - if it was then of course I would do it.
EzraS wrote:
I have trouble relating to this as an NT thing because most of those who have criticized me, teased me and put me down were aspies.
Often I don't think people are trying to criticize, tease or put down - at least not in the examples I just used. Sometimes people just don't understand and don't know the right things to say, which isn't their fault. I am absolutely sure I have said the wrong thing to people who are suffering from something I don't understand. So no I don't think it's an NT thing, it's a thing that happens when people don't understand what someone is suffering from and they just don't know what to say to help.
There are people who really want to know what to say (or what not to say) to help, so putting together a list could be useful.