If you could tell NTs to stop saying something...

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ladyelaine
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09 Dec 2017, 1:02 pm

"You're too quiet"
"You need to talk more"
"You're not trying hard enough"
"You're hard to get to know"
I would talk more if NTs actually made the effort to listen and not hog up the conversation. I don't always have something to say. I speak when I think it is necessary. How can anyone judge my efforts if they have never been in my shoes? I could share more about myself if NTs would quit making all the conversations about themselves and not be judgemental when I do share something about myself.
"You talk weird"
Kids have said this to me many times. I wish their parents would teach them some manners and respect. You shouldn't speak that way to anyone especially not an adult.



fruitloop42
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09 Dec 2017, 2:19 pm

"You need to make a contribution" (I know, I wish I could).
"You need to learn to deal with situations better, instead of going into a big panic" (I know, but I can't).
"You need to come up with a better system for not forgetting things" (I have tried, they never work).

Basically anything where the other person is confirming the frustrations I already have about myself. They're saying "you need to change this thing. If you change this thing, you will be happier." And I know this already! But it isn't possible to just change the thing - if it was then of course I would do it.

EzraS wrote:
I have trouble relating to this as an NT thing because most of those who have criticized me, teased me and put me down were aspies.


Often I don't think people are trying to criticize, tease or put down - at least not in the examples I just used. Sometimes people just don't understand and don't know the right things to say, which isn't their fault. I am absolutely sure I have said the wrong thing to people who are suffering from something I don't understand. So no I don't think it's an NT thing, it's a thing that happens when people don't understand what someone is suffering from and they just don't know what to say to help.

There are people who really want to know what to say (or what not to say) to help, so putting together a list could be useful.



TheSilentOne
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09 Dec 2017, 3:02 pm

"Why don't you try to dress nice?" or "You'd be pretty if you wore makeup"
"Stop flapping your arms/hands!"
"Look in my eyes when you are talking to me!"
"You're too old to like (insert thing here) or "Why can't you act your age?"
"Stop talking about (insert special interest here)!"
"Stop rocking!"
and last, but certainly not least...

"Why can't you be more like (insert NT's name here)?"


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CockneyRebel
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09 Dec 2017, 6:03 pm

It's all in your mind.
I never did that to you.
It's like you've jumped from one fantasy to another.
You're not going to obsess this time.
I don't like to see you making a fool of myself.
Don't know, don't care.
I just want you to be normal.
Don't give me that.
That's not healthy.
You go too far.
You can't do whatever you want.
So what now? We don't be a family?
I don't think you get what I'm trying to tell you.
Put yourself in that person's shoes. As though I have zero empathy.
You're like Rain Man, aren't you?
Asking me the same questions over again if I drive, have sex or do drugs as though I'm ret*d.


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bunnyb
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09 Dec 2017, 6:15 pm

Embla wrote:
bunnyb wrote:
'Oh Autism, you mean like Rain Man.' :roll:


I thought of this one too.

The ones that bother me is:
"So what's your super-power?" (thinking that autism equals savantism)

And:
"But you look perfectly normal!"

The most bothering thing about these are that they're always said by people who mean really well, and thinks they're just being friendly or even giving a compliment. I want to be polite and explain things to them, but I'm all out of politeness and by now I can only think of rude and snappy answers. Which isn't helping anyone at all.


I agree. Most of the time people just don't understand what autism is and don't know how to behave around autistic people. It's like my need to be left alone when hurt. Non autistic people see someone in pain and want to rush in and comfort them. That's the absolute last thing I want. I understand they want to help, they just don't know how. I think educating people about autism is great.


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kazanscube
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10 Dec 2017, 8:40 am

Oh, I kind stand the terms of endearment being honey or dear, uh, that just gets on my nerves as,I'm not a little kid and have great disdain for such analogies or references.


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HistoryGal
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10 Dec 2017, 9:16 am

Stop talking and listen when I say one of you is overbearing. Do not talk over me. Accept that I have no interest in your life outside the workplace. I don't expect anyone to have interest in mine either. Assuredly nobody does which is fine. I don't like talking just to fill empty silences.



Octoman
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10 Dec 2017, 9:40 am

Why are you so quiet?



Tawaki
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10 Dec 2017, 11:13 am

Temple Grandin/Sheldon Cooper is not the measuring stick for all people with Autism.



kazanscube
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10 Dec 2017, 11:16 am

Tawaki wrote:
Temple Grandin/Sheldon Cooper is not the measuring stick for all people with Autism.



I agree with that as there are many variantions within the autistic community as a whole


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ladyelaine
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10 Dec 2017, 1:45 pm

TheSilentOne wrote:
"Why don't you try to dress nice?" or "You'd be pretty if you wore makeup"
"Stop flapping your arms/hands!"
"Look in my eyes when you are talking to me!"
"You're too old to like (insert thing here) or "Why can't you act your age?"
"Stop talking about (insert special interest here)!"
"Stop rocking!"
and last, but certainly not least...

"Why can't you be more like (insert NT's name here)?"


Last year, my boss said I should be more like my co worker. Guess who still works there? Me. My co worker quit three months ago.



HistoryGal
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10 Dec 2017, 7:35 pm

Elaine, your boss was being inappropriate. What happened to your coworker?



ladyelaine
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10 Dec 2017, 7:42 pm

We got a new department head and my co worker didn't get along with her. My co worker missed the social dynamics she had with the old department head.



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10 Dec 2017, 7:55 pm

"Shadow is not real"

"He doesn't love you because he's not real"


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HistoryGal
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11 Dec 2017, 7:58 am

See how foolish NTs can be? I separate work from personal. Your co-worker probably regrets her choice if she hasn't found a new job by now.



thewho7
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11 Dec 2017, 11:17 am

Variations of "You're quiet".