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blazingstar
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16 Mar 2018, 7:02 pm

XenoMind wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
Hope OP is doing better

My physical health is still crumbling, I haven't got any welfare support and can't get any decent job, have no girlfriend and no home, and nobody gives a s**t about my problems. But I'm still struggling.


I've only been on this forum since November last year, but it is pretty clear to me that there are a lot of people on this forum who do care what happens to you. I certainly care. It sounds like you are in GB, and I don't know the services there. Over the years I have found several tricks that help me pull myself out, no matter how bad it is, but they aren't necessarily things that would work for you. Unfortunately, in my experience, when things are really bad, it is difficult if not impossible to see that things could get better. And whatever may alleviate the pain or problems takes care of such a tiny bit it is barely noticeable and therefore seems hopeless. I only know that I have crawled out of that pit enough times now that I can tell myself - just keep going - just do today - just do one more thing. Fortunately now, I do have work that directly benefits others. So I can make myself get up and do the work because without the work, others will suffer and I don't want that.

I hope you continue to post here and seek what help you can find.


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SaveFerris
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16 Mar 2018, 7:14 pm

blazingstar wrote:
XenoMind wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
Hope OP is doing better

My physical health is still crumbling, I haven't got any welfare support and can't get any decent job, have no girlfriend and no home, and nobody gives a s**t about my problems. But I'm still struggling.


I've only been on this forum since November last year, but it is pretty clear to me that there are a lot of people on this forum who do care what happens to you.


^This


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XenoMind
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16 Mar 2018, 11:40 pm

blazingstar wrote:
but it is pretty clear to me that there are a lot of people on this forum who do care what happens to you.

I understand what you're doing and appreciate this, but one of the most important lessons in my life was to never fool myself.

blazingstar wrote:
It sounds like you are in GB

Hmmm I wonder what does GB mean.



blooiejagwa
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17 Mar 2018, 7:03 pm

I hope you find support and ease and solutions for these issues


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Kiprobalhato
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17 Mar 2018, 7:59 pm

XenoMind wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
It sounds like you are in GB

Hmmm I wonder what does GB mean.


guess: great britain


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XenoMind
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17 Mar 2018, 10:44 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
guess: great britain

Well... if I were a citizen of a first world country, that would have made my life much much much simpler.



XenoMind
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24 Feb 2019, 11:41 pm

Suicidal thoughts again and a feeling of hatred to all the damned world... :?



auntblabby
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24 Feb 2019, 11:45 pm

where this nation is headed.



blooiejagwa
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24 Feb 2019, 11:51 pm

Hi XenoMind i’m in a similar state of mind and unfortunately it had become the norm. I am forcing myself to indulge in Movies or movie clips of Jim Carrey, whose comedy I recently acquired a taste for . I also make myself call ppl. I dont know many ppl besides family so i call them.

I hope you have someone in real life who can be a safe person to talk to. Sometimes my brain tricks me into staying away from people. anticipating the worst, even if I need it to escape or at least share the pain n get help

. If u think u are like that too (anticipation of rejection, judgment, uncaring attitudes or cannot make the effort) try to push past it.

Financially there has to be some level that pride takes second place to the priority of survival n mental n physical wellbeing. We all have to help each other out and that is part of life. Sometimes you are the helper, sometimes you are the one being helped. So please make sure to reach out. If i was in any way able to, I wd try to send u some to tide you over through paypal. However I am in a very bad place in that regard, myself.

Essentially all I can do is encourage you to what I have found helps , and let you know I sincerely understand n care as do most ppl here, definitely


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XenoMind
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29 Sep 2019, 11:55 am

blooiejagwa wrote:
Hi XenoMind i’m in a similar state of mind and unfortunately it had become the norm. I am forcing myself to indulge in Movies or movie clips of Jim Carrey, whose comedy I recently acquired a taste for . I also make myself call ppl. I dont know many ppl besides family so i call them.

I hope you have someone in real life who can be a safe person to talk to. Sometimes my brain tricks me into staying away from people. anticipating the worst, even if I need it to escape or at least share the pain n get help

. If u think u are like that too (anticipation of rejection, judgment, uncaring attitudes or cannot make the effort) try to push past it.

Financially there has to be some level that pride takes second place to the priority of survival n mental n physical wellbeing. We all have to help each other out and that is part of life. Sometimes you are the helper, sometimes you are the one being helped. So please make sure to reach out. If i was in any way able to, I wd try to send u some to tide you over through paypal. However I am in a very bad place in that regard, myself.

Essentially all I can do is encourage you to what I have found helps , and let you know I sincerely understand n care as do most ppl here, definitely


Thanks for kind words. I'm taking anti-depressant and anti-convulsant meds now, they seem to help a bit.
I wonder where are you from?



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29 Sep 2019, 3:38 pm

XenoMind wrote:
I recently caught myself thinking that suicide isn't such a stupid idea, after all. Scared s**t out of me. :?
I have suicidal thoughts all the time. Been like that for 43 years. I had to learn that this is just my normal and it's ok because the things that I have to live through to survive on a day to day basis are so intense and difficult. But after going through this a million and twelve times, it no longer feels scary or even like a big deal. It just comes when it comes and as easily as it comes, it goes. Because daily life is so traumatic for me, it is only natural that the suicide trigger would be activated so often and so regularly. So I just think of it as normal like PMS or something and it doesn't really bother me.


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