Report about successes for getting rid of ASD problems

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It's easier to do something that takes a lot of time if you enjoy it. Your real strengths are mostly the things that you really enjoy. The other side mostly not even realizes the gap because they don't expect that it's a gap for you. And for this they mostly do not undestand if you are unable to get over the gap.

Why do you think so? I would think all you need for this is a smile and a little more self-confidence. As far as I could read you don't even know your own problems. Maybe you could ask a girl friend what she thinks that it is strange on you. You need to know your problems first to handle them right.

I’m a late diagnosed guy.

My counselor who diagnosed me (level1)said I had learned many adaptations over the years.

During my 40 year career it seemed as if my filter worked better on the job.

In the 85 days since I have to slow down before speaking or talking.

I still don’t get jokes that a group laughs at even though I give laugh & music. workshops.

I’ve mentioned before in other threads that theatre helped me starting in college.
First back stage and then on stage.
Writing ventriloquist scripts based on real situations helps in both the sharing and writing process.


Still too old to know it all.

I have tried everytging n keep trying to learn
But there is a level n its the ceiling of my ability cannot go higher

n i dont connect to anyone naturally so tht both of us are at ease - even if they are from my strained efforts, I am not as i am fighting my natural way of being


The only person i connected to socially (i thought) was XH but i guess i was wrong on that too

Could u possibly explain what you mean by ventriloquist scripts? Do u mean u write scripts fr puppets n then perform ?

Exactly.

My wife and others say I become more confident on stage.
I also write impromptu blues songs that get extended later.
An example is The Walmart Long Line Blues, with harmonica riffs between lines.

I first started shopping with music and ear plugs.
Then one day I didn’t have my phone but did have a harmonica.
I play Beethoven to the Beatles.

I have a very different kind of problem with eye contact. I have extreme difficulty multitasking between the conversation itself and paying any attention at all to any visual stimuli. I can make brief eye contact at the very beginning of a conversation, but then, once the conversation gets going, I have no idea what my eyes might appear to be looking at; I might as well be blind. For that same reason, it is extremely difficult for me to pay any attention at all to body language.

That's certainly not how I connect to people. I make connections (with the very few compatible people I can find) on the basis of having in-depth conversations about topics of shared intense interest. How "self-confident" the other person is, or how often they smile, is largely irrelevant from my point of view, at least initially. And some of my deepest and longest-lasting friendships were made at times when I was not feeling happy or self-confident at all. (Alas, most of these friends are no longer living.)

Many years ago, one of these same friends of mine observed that I have a need to connect with people on an intellectual level before I can connect on an emotional level. To her this was odd but okay.

How most people connect is still a mystery to me.

However, even among most NT's, I would expect that "a smile and ... self-confidence" would be at most the first step in making a connection. Surely there's more to it than just that? If not, then most NT's are even more superficial than I thought.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 24 Oct 2018, 12:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I would be interested to see your list of what you consider to be the five main groups of problems.


I would guess that many of the people on this board are already in therapy attempting to "cure" whatever problems they can, and come here for support regarding those problems that can't be "cured".


In my own case I think there are some things I can improve and other things I can't improve (at least not without causing myself other, worse problems).

I checked myself once for eyecontact. On distances of few meters I spot the point between the eyes first. (upper end of the nose) This way I'm able to read the expression of both eyes at once and doing so I recognise the mood of the people and especially how they are towards me.
The opposite does the same and I know that he tries to read my mind towards him to. It's the fastest way to recognise agression and aversion towards yourself because you recognise them within parts of seconds. For this you should always try to do it in a good mood, be open and try to like him because then opposite reads you and the way that you are too and it causes him or her to feel positive or negative towards you.
Later once I talk to somebody I spot mostly the left eye (his or her right eye) but every 1-2 seconds I shortly check the other eye for a half of a second. That causes me not to stare in to one eye over a long time and looking more attentive because I check the other eye too. If I wan't to check the feelings again about something that I have just said I shortly spot the point between the eyes again well knowing that he or she knows that I do check his or her feelings. Once the communication becomes less direct and converts in to smalltalk I reduce eye contact check the shoulders and body as well half the time and also the envirenment more often. If it comes to men the things are a little bit different.
Except for checking the mood at the beginning eye contact is less important for men. Instead they care about the environment and the hands of other men. While women check each others faces and use lots of mimic and their eyes for communication man use much more gestic in a way that many women don't even recognize. Because of this most men use a different and slower and more noticeable kind of gestic towards women and small children. I think it's a relict of communication of men during hunting in stone age.

I'm glad that this has worked for you and other people. I have had lots of different types of therapy over many years - none of it has helped me at all. But it won't work for everyone - but I am glad that it does help some people.

Would you think lots of different types of therapy would improve your skills in math or Russian? You have to learn the right things to improve. The problem is to find the best way to learn the right things and not how to mask your problems only.

I don't see how this makes sense - CBT is supposed to help you find new ways to overcome obstacles, for example. All I get from it is a patronising person trying to tell me what to do and how to live my life. It's not helpful in the slightest, none of it has been, and you have to realise that what works for some people won't work for all people, especially the further along the spectrum you go.

That's what I sayd. They teaches how to handle the results of your problems and not how to get rid of your problems. I try a sample. You have problems to understand the nonverbal things in language correctly. CBT can't help with this because you are permanently misunderstanding others and then don't even know that you did. Because you don't even know that you got something wrong you are totally unable to handle it and any teaching how to handle this isn't worth the time effort. It can't really help you.
The main problem with the nonverbals in language is that it is hard to learn for anybody except for small children that are not even five or six years old. But your brain is able to improve if you try to learn it even if you are much elder. But instead of a CBT you need a cognitive training for hearing nonverbal stuff in the speech because you don't only need to understand the words that are sayd but you also need to hear the way something is sayd to get the intention of the one who speeks. You are for instance unable to understand irony and sarcasm if you don't recognize that the speaker just says something because he thinks it is so absurd that nobody may ever believe in it and for this he makes a joke of saying it just to show others how absurd it is. But that he is joking if he says something and that he doesn't ever believe in it is also a thing in the way he speaks and NT people are able to hear and to recognize it. But I'm sure that most people that have problems to understand the nonverbal stuff are able to improve after the right training.

Here is my secret.


I smoke weed and it helps me get through the day, It is a pretty simple secret but there it is.

I don't want to risk it as a cure, even though it's legal here now, because someone I know very closely, used it heavily and went crazy (eg stole from work, paranoia out of control, imagined all kinds of things, crashed car - hit and run - got addicted to other drugs after that, and had to go to rehab etc)
and her psychologist and doctors said that it can trigger Bipolar and psychotic episodes in those who are genetically susceptible, but the only way to know if u are susceptible, is if u actually try it. And that's a big risk.