What if we had children or teens acting as therapists?

Post Reply New Topic

That's very, very questionable. If anything, children today have less power than at any other time in history. In distant past, parents could beat the living daylights out of their kids, and it was completely legal. But kids could also run away from home, and as soon they left their immediate village or town, they could pretty much disappear into the crowd or the wilderness, where parents can't find them. Teens could even stow away on a freight train to New York, Chicago, or San Francisco, and scrounge out a living. Get a factory job, eat on the cheap from food carts, sleep in a park in the summer and in a train station in the winter, and ride around on public transit for fun.

Now, all this requires strong social skills and may not be possible for most aspies, but the idea is still nice. There was a system of checks and balances between parents and kids, like in the US government, at least in theory. Parents could do whatever they wanted, but kids could also easily escape their situation and live on their own, without being arrested for doing so and brought back home.

300, 200, and even 100 years ago, kids could have real jobs. Not makework, like tedious chores created by parents and pointless homework given by brainwashed teachers, but real, tangible jobs where they earn money. They could give some to their parents to contribute to feeding the family, and pocket the rest. The jobs consisting of taking care of farm animals, sweeping the floors in a shop, caring for elderly persons, making deliveries on city streets, selling newspapers, assembling cardboard boxes, etc. As recently as 1980's, kids could leave home in the morning, stash a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in their backpack, and play outside all day until streetlights came on. In northern latitudes in the summer, that could be after 10:00 PM.

Look at our society today! Kids' lives are planned out to the tiniest detail: from school, to endless homework, soccer practice, to music lessons, to playdates. Kids don't have a single free minute to just be. Not to mention the GPS chips monitoring the kids' locations at all times. If I were a child today, rather than in 80's and 90's, there'd be Ghost of Aspie1 posting this 20 years from now.

That much I rather agree with you on. For most of history anyone older than 14 was seen as an adult anyway and had far more freedom even younger than some people get before age 21 today. But, it was a give and take. Kids were more often in dangerous situations as well.

There is too much stupidity in this post to even list.

But I will ask one thing. Why do you classify "having a curfew" to be a "problem"?

A kid may not like it, but the kid not liking it does not make it a problem.

Normal parental stuff like setting bedtimes and making you do your homework per se are not "problems" (in fact they are solutions).

Its non normal stuff that parents do that are "problems" like abuse, molestation, neglect, or NOT setting limits, and curfews, that are "problems".

And what does any of this have to do with autism?

In my childhood and adolescence my same age peers were all my enemies, and the grown ups in my life (like teachers) were neutral or possible allies. I am trying to imagine myself as a child going into a shrink's office, and finding another kid my own age as my therapist, instead of a grown up. That would have alienated me from therapy. Not made me comfortable with it. Why would I open up to some a**hole kid my own age who would probably be ganging up against me on the school playground if we were schoolmates?

And there IS such a thing as "group therapy". A small group of patients the same age in the office coaching each other under the supervision of a qualified therapist. That's an accepted treatment. And it IS pretty close to what you're talking about.I was put in group therapy with other teens when I was a teen. It was ok. And it had some of the features you're looking for (input from peers) without the dumb aspects of what you're proposing.

Of course children have less power insofar as EVERYBODY does; we live in a society where the moronic mass of men literally BEG the government to take away their oh-so-burdensome freedoms (and everybody else's in the process, of course), that's why the great unwashed will agree in the future to forcible RFID chip implants, as you mentioned, without making a fuss, though I think you're being premature in assuming that it's already happening on any large scale. My point was that children's freedoms have increased RELATIVE to those of the adult population; everyone knows ABSOLUTE freedoms have been utterly evaporated.

My enemies were both peers and adults, albeit for different reasons. It was like living a war on two fronts: at school and at home. Still, I'd have an easier time trust someone from the Peer Team than from the Adult Team. Back in the day, I told my therapist how my parents constantly yelled at me, put me down, called me names, and randomly barged into my room screaming at me, when another adult ratted me out to them behind my back. I hoped she'd teach me some verbal self-defense tactics or something similar. Instead, she just tilted her head, looked at me with a pitying expression on her face, cooed at me, and/or said "awww".

Now, how is THAT supposed to be helpful? If that's all a therapist will do, might as well have a child do it. Because a patient like me will have an easier time trusting someone their age. Plus, the therapist will be from "my" team, and callous reactions like this feel less insulting when coming from a child than from an educated adult. In fact, I'm pretty sure a child therapist would tell me something tangible (or at least say "sorry, I got nothing"), rather than mock me like my therapist did. Because another child actually understands what it's like to be yelled at by a parent. Which would make therapy more, well... therapeutic.

I never had a curfew, because I never went anywhere as a teenager except to school. I didn't drive until I was 48, which limited my life a great deal. Even today, I still don't have a dating life, but I hope that changes in the near future. I would have welcomed such things as a teenager if I had anywhere to go, friends to do things with or the transportation to get me to events. I have all of these things now, but very late in my life. I think I appreciate them more because they came so late, but I do notice the differences between myself and my peers. I may be able to hold my own, and sometimes perhaps even take the initiative, in intellectual discussions but, in terms of emotional discussions, I have little to contribute. Again, I hope this changes.

I am aware that many WP folks were "bullied" by teachers as well as by students. But many autistic children I have read about are outright "terrified" of other children because of how badly they are treated by other children. That's closer to my experience. However my parents did ceaselessly remind me how everything was wrong with me. And one of the things was that I "didn't make friends". So my mission in life as a child was to "make friends", and to make friends out of the very population (school mates) who all hated my guts. So in a different kinda way I got it from both sides. But I cant relate to having other kids being my "team mates".

I have a range of therapists from very compentant to very incompetent, but never had a therapist mock me like that.

I'm still very suspicious of children. I don't trust them.

I sometimes look at a group of little girls and think, "hmm you're the types that would have bullied me."

Adults can talk to children. Take Mr Rogers for example and his Fredish speak.

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/06/mr-rogers-neighborhood-talking-to-kids/562352/

Exactly.

The original post has no relevance to children on the autism spectrum.

If you're 12 years old and are already complaining about having a "curfew" then you must already be a popular social butterfly with tons of friends who invite you out to party all of the time. If that's the case then almost by definition you cant be on the autism spectrum. I never went out at night until I was in college (when I was living away from mom and dad anyway). So the kind of kids the OP is talking about don't even overlap with the kinda of kids that WP members were.

I get it. I was bullied too. But even so, I had an easier time trusting other kids than adults. Come to think of it, it's why bullying was doubly hurtful: I was being mistreated by people from "my team". I actually had friends as a child (but not between age 10 to 16), which further convinced me of the idea that other kids were on "my team", while all adults were either overt enemies or wolves in sheep's clothing.

Speaking of adults, I viewed their actions as par for the course: bossing me around, yelling at me, and making me do homework and chores were just ways my they enjoyed their power as adults. To add insults to the injury, my parents sometimes berated me at home after seeing me get picked on on the playground and such. So that's why I think a child therapist---provided he/she is properly trained---could be helpful for kids like me. Kids who will feel more at ease with someone "on their team", bullying nonewithstanding. No matter how good an adult therapist is, he/she is still an adult, and is therefore "the enemy".


Mr. Rogers was a rare, rare exception. He was brilliant! He knew how to combine kindness and understanding with authority and wisdom. Notice how he always dressed formally, and went by "Mr. Rogers" (like a teacher), not "Fred" (like a friend). His spiritual successor, Daniel Tiger, is a bad joke in comparison.

I had a fear of people age 13 to 18 for a few years after graduating high school, and went as far as crossing the street when seeing a group of them walking, and avoiding diners and shopping malls near high schools. Today, high school kids see me as "some old dude they couldn't care less about" (I'm 35) and usually just ignore me (unless they plan to rob me or something). When I was on a cruise at age 29, I had passing interactions with high school kids, like getting past a group of them blocking a buffet. They were respectful to me. I guess I already looked old (in their eyes) by then.

I used a curfew as an example. It can easily be something more relevant to aspie 12-year-olds, like watching TV or playing computer games. An adult therapist will have no idea what it's like to have a power-hungry parent forbid you to watch TV, because they haven't lived with parents since college. At best, they'll spew out useless platitudes about parents "caring"; at worst, they'll mock the patient like my therapist did. A child therapist, on other hand, will be sympathetic and helpful, because they experience the same situations as the patient every day.

Also don't forget, an adult therapist's first loyalty will be the parents, not the child. Especially if their specialty is "family" therapist. So it's a given that an adult won't teach a child to be more assertive in the face of power-hungry parents; it goes against their loyalty. A child therapist will be less compelled to automatically side with the parents and more willing to actually help the child, using examples from their personal life. Even an NT child can help. NT kids know how to use emotional appeal tactics on their parents, and can possibly teach it to an aspie patient.

I associated mainly with adults (parents, trusted teachers) because they actually knew things and I could talk to them. I was always out of my element with the other kids.

What if we had fifth-graders performing brain surgery?

I associated with adults too---like had intelligent conversations with them, asked them for help if I knew they won't yell at me for asking, and such. They had their place in my life.

But underneath all that, they were still enemies, and therefore were not to be trusted. For instance, they enjoyed bossing me around and imposing arbitrary limits. Not to mention all of them siding with each other against me. Which consisted of laughing at me when my parents yelled at me, ratting me out to each other, mocking me during therapy, and not believing me when I told them how I was treated at home.

So, a child should have someone from Team Child running therapy. There's at least a possibility of that therapist being on the child's side. An adult therapist will always automatically side with the parents, due to closeness in age.