How Does Masking Work?

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I didn't think of that as masking. I used to do that often. Pretend that everything was rosey and nice.. But then I had a telling off for doing it and I became quiet ad withdrawn. I was using the pretence to connect with people and to make myself feel happy when I was internally not feeling happy.

It's basically pretending to be "normal" aka like most other people. Easier for some than others.

For me it meant pretending to enjoy social companionship: smiling at people, greeting them with enthusiasm, and pretending to look at them or listen to them when my mind was too busy or self-occupied to pay attention. It meant double checking my posture, my body language, my vocabulary, my facial expressions, and even how many times I blinked (so I wouldn't be staring, or looking away). It meant speaking when I didn't want to, purposely asking questions when I didn't care about the answers, purposely answering questions when I didn't care about the questions, trying to show empathy when I didn't know how or why, making plans I had no intention to keep, pretending to like the clothing and hairstyles my peers chose, emulating people's mannerisms, ruminating after every encounter, and feeling like a failure no matter what I did.

Geez that's crazy, I can't imagine anyone wanting to have autism because it's "cool" or "different", I've gotten used to being who I am, but if I had a choice, I wouldn't have chosen to be autistic!

Masking sounds like a lot of pain and effort done for the comfort and benefit of others. Unless I'm in a situation where I think it would be advantageous to me (like a job interview or similar) I don't think I'll bother!

That’s about the size of it!

I get the impression that NTs confirm and ASDs "mask" --- which have similar results but the technique (intuitive vs cognitive) and level of effort (less vs more) is the differentiator.

In ASD I see externalization (for example: flailing arms - rage on the outside) versus internalization (for example: flat affect - rage on the inside).

I decided to lessen the "mask" of a meltdown a couple days ago. As usual there were a lot of stressors leading to it, and a mild trigger spurred a huge emotional response. I am capable of repressing my feelings (full "mask" - imagine first responder during crisis), I don't know how to moderate them (need more tools or practice?), so I crawled into bed, got into fetal position, pulled the covers over my head and fell asleep. So I "controlled" it. I would like to moderate my responses of course, but I preferred this "partial" meltdown to full suppression "masking" (which has long-term effects).

Putting autism aside, I do sense a real longing amongst the new generations to want to be individual and different, and I really believe this is due to them being taught within the confines of boxes, where they really want to break out.
Therefore when they learn that autism in a sense is to be different, they find it is attractive to them... Because their education has been along the lines of "You are all individuals as long as you fit within the confines of what you are being taught".
In the past in school education one would gain extra marks for thinking outside the box. Today many individuals are finding they actually risk lose marks for doing this. (Speaking in reference to modern UK GCSE exams).

I fully understand where they are coming from here. Yes, only a few may actually be on the spectrum, but I actually encourage them to be individual and think outside of the box for their future, be they on the spectrum or not... As Britain (As well as any other country) needs this in a world which increasingly tries to confine people into "Group thinking mentality brainwashing methods".

(And ok. I also think autism may need a bit more explaining to those individuals so they can understand a bit more, and if they find they are not on the spectrum, for them to be encouraged in their desire to be different without them feeling guilt for having the desire to be different. Yes, one can be different without being autistic! And I feel that learning to be different and specializing in their individual fields as a huge bearing on the future strengths of our country. So we should certainly not prevent people from desiring to be different. They just need to have more of an understanding about autism and what it means to be autistic... And actually, this can only be a good thing, as the more allistic people who can understand and comprehend those who are on the spectrum, the more understanding and support autistic people will have to draw on when they need a little support).

^^I like what you have to say, because you're right.

When asked “How are you?”, my primary reply is to take my pulse and say either “Alive.” or “Still alive the last time I checked.” with a typical Igor voice. The people I work with have basically given up asking me now. I am fine with that, as they are very superficial people who are only concerned about themselves based upon observing their behaviors.

One thing that I wanted to add about masking from my own experiences: If you do it too much, you can lose a part of your identity to it. It requires energy to maintain and that can be at the expense of how you really feel. When I am forced to mask in social situations, I feel disconnected with the world, even more than I normally am. It is almost like being a ghost within your own body. I run through a set of preprogrammed responses to social stimuli and it is like I am watching part of a show that I cannot control. It saps my energy at an incredible rate and is hard to maintain over a prolonged period of time. For every hour I fully mask, it takes me two to three hours to recover. It is best to know your limits and to stay within them if you can. Growing up I thought everyone naturally did this. It was not until much later in life did I realize that was not the case.

Yes, that's what I've found. When I was a kid, I would try extra hard to mimic the behaviors of my NT peers and it was so exhausting and I'd meltdown and feel immediately exhausted the second I got home. I also believe that people saw through the "mask" and knew that I was Autistic even if I didn't want them to then. I've read many articles and books about females on the spectrum also having similar experiences with "masking" and then it leading to meltdowns or burnout because of it being difficult and tiring. It's why I rarely "mask" anymore. I feel better and I meltdown much less since I gave masking up pretty much.

During the last burnout I ended up in a fragile state where I was slipping in and out of masking. It is like I was glitching between the two and I had no control over it.
During the times when the glitching took place where the masking completely fell off I felt vunerable and exposed... But at the same time I felt like a child and free?
And the issue I was having was that I became very noticeable to security staff in large retail stores. A few stores I can no longer go to. I have not stolen anything from those stores, but somehow, they assume I have.
So life in this respect is.. Well. Put it this way. I feel I may as well be a criminal as then at least I have goodies to make it worth being made not welcome in certain stores! Ok, I won't do that. I have principles and standards. But it is how it makes me feel, so I tend to avoid other shops just incase I get the same issue.
Other shops with narrow isles make me panic and crowded shops are a "No".

Masking can have nasty consequences. I was diagnosed with ASD in a psychiatric hospital after becoming completely exhausted from trying desperately to appear normal all the time. Once I no longer had any energy to mask "out of nowhere" came all these strange autistic behaviours. They were always there in private. Luckily the hospital had an occupational therapist and a psychiatrist who knew autism well and recognized what was happening

My ASD assessing dr said I come across (mask) better than I think. I think it was supposed to be reassuring, but I was confused of course. On the inside I feel like others have got to see the long pauses and awkwardness that I feel and …. ack! But he implied that I seem normal enough. My ASD therapist says it's a Blessing and a Curse. I can "pass" but the inordinate about of cognitive dissonance (stress) is through the F'ing roof!

@StarTrekker, I am afraid to ask, but... might it be that since you can't (or won't) mask that stress levels are lowered that way? It's confusing to me b/c it's stressful to have public meltdowns, but also stressful to suppress them. Where's the eustress (good, not bad level of stress)?

WARNING trigger: Relative to my gender, I wonder that many of the ~75% of ASD women who self-harm and are suicidal are those that are heavily masking. That the self-harm is an externalization of the otherwise massive internalization (masking).

Think you could be into something there: since I (unintentionally) reorganised my life so I’m not in situations where I auto-mask for more than 4hrs together, or more than 18hrs a week all suicidal ideation and temptation to self-harm has vanished.

I think it helps if you can work in your own office and can close the door when stressed.

There's something that I would like to ask and there maybe exceptions here, but as far as I can comprehend, that most of us who mask tend to have above average intelligence? (I am certainly not implying that anyone who is highly intelligent is in any way any more valueable then someone who is not which sadly can be implied in our cruel society we live in. Oh how I hate the way society goes where they make people who lack the mental ability to become high fliers in life feel like they have failed, and somehow the high fliers are looked on as if they have success. While I certainly do not want to hamper anyone from making it to the top as we need peolke from all abilities in life, I do feel sad when society makes those with less intelligence feel undervalued. You are valueable whatever intelligency you have and whoever you are!).

But I am also thinking that above average intelligence for someone on the spectrum is a negative thing due to the difficulties faced with burnout and mental issues later in life?

(Please note. I am just exploring my thoughts here and sharing theories).

I am thinking of someone who does not mask. Now when a child it is probably likely that this person would be discovered by the teachers as being different, and this person is far more likely to be assessed at an early age... And it is also likely that this person is more likely to attend a special school which is designed to provide a less demanding enviroment to prevent stress etc?
Now for a person in this situation the need to mask is less pronounced. They are less likely to be trying to fit in and appear as an NT because they have been discovered at an early age and adjustments were made to their lives to accomodate their needs.
And to others who have low IQ's they may be just concentrating on surviving so the thought of trying to mask (Even if on a subconcious level) may not even cross their minds.

But to someone who is of above average intelligence (Or average in some cases), they are far more likely to conciously and subconciously develop ways to mask their traits because in the allistic realms they find themselves in, they stand out a mile and they therefore want to limit their differences so they are not picked on by other pupils (Or workmates etc) or by teachers who have not realized that their stimming is related to autism, and therefore will assume that the pupil can just prevent the stim without it taking such great mental effort and stress. (Allistic people who are not on the autistic spectrum can stop doing something and hardly think about it. They just stop, and to be fair... Some of the stimming comes across to a teacher as some sort of annoying habbit. The teachers often are not trained to pick up on autism traits, so they do not realize what they are. They just think "That child is doing something distracting so I will tell that child to stop").

But later in life all the masking can start to effect a person when they hit some sort of crises in their lives and they can hit burnout and then everything happens! They end up in a mess!

No a person who does not mask still has issues, but they may avoid the difficulties later in life that those who mask seem to get.
You see, if you are a person like me who has spent your whole life in masking, then one may not realize the side effects of masking for such a prolonged period until one reaches the point when a major burnout and crises hits and then one ends up in quite a mess.

Now I am just pushing some theories out. Nothing more.

Last edited by Mountain Goat on 05 Feb 2020, 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.