What does autism mean to you?

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It varies in context.
It certain order;


-It is how I'm as a human, a variation I was born with in this body and mind

-It either means I'm forever an alien among natives trying to fit in, or someone with so many choices I'm free from many social constraints

-Label as a medical reference, a starting point to which I can find support, adaptive equipments and techniques

To me, autism is a different way of being. It's a different way of looking at the world. It's a different way of working and making my own money. It's having different tastes in music than most people. It's my pea-flavoured way of looking at the world and children's characters. Om Nom is a great example. It's a different way of communicating.

So cool to see all these different perspectives on this! Thank you all. I especially like the idea of autism as something that frees you from social constraints; I hadn’t thought about it like that before! Maybe being more free from the social constraints that NTs have makes us more creative.

So that is not you in the picture?

Partial shutdowns I get the most. I can slip into one without noticing until I start to feel the effects of it if it deepens. At the deepest end comes full shutdowns when I am in a paralized but floppy state on the floor where my eyesight has turned black and I have loud tinitus which lowers in tone as my eyesight blackens... I guess it maybe a bit like one of those comas where one can not use ones body, but one knows people are there as one may feel the air move as someone walks past, or the ground vibrations on the floor? While like this and recovering, I can remember every word but hardly make any sense of it if someone speaks to me and I have not mentally recovered enough for my brain to work it out. Now no matter how much I try to work it out I still do not know what was said even though it was spoken in english. But then later when it hits my long term memory which could be a few months or even longer (E.g. two or three years), I can recall the event and go back over it and the words make sense. It is wierd!

But when shutdowns start... The first thing that starts to effect me is my balance. If I walk, it looks like I am drunk! As the partial shutdown deepens (But not a full shutdown but not too far off) every body movement I make takes effort. Think of having run a marathon and then trying to start a shift in work. That is what it feels like! It feels like I am wearing a heavy iron suit of armour where just to lift my hand or stay walking takes effort.

Partial shutdowns are like Starship Enterprize under attack where one starts shutting ones systems down and having to come out of warp speed and be on a "Go slow" to divert all energy to the shields.... Except it is to divert all energy to my brain and my vital organs!

It feels like... Think if a torch run on ni-cad rechargable batteries. You know when the torch starts to go dim when the batteries need a recharge? The light suddenly drops to just a glow.. Just enough to show it is on? That is what happens to me with a partial shutdown.

That's so interesting, especially what you say about understanding the meaning of words much later. This happens to me too, but on a shorter time scale, like seconds or minutes, not months or years. Like when I'm talking to someone, just as you describe, they can say something and I know it's english and there's nothing wrong with my ears, but the sounds just don't turn into meaning until maybe a couple seconds too late, which leads to a lot of "what?" and smiling and nodding, and sometimes the sounds only turn into meaning after I've ended the conversation. This tends to happen more when I'm stressed or if the environment is really loud and chaotic. I imagine it would be really intense if it lasted longer and was accompanied by a shutdown!

And nope, that's not me in the pic. I wouldn't mind being an '80s movie star though...

The link at the bottom of what I write described shutdowns. The one which describes someone driving where the shutdown can be delayed describes me so accurately that I wet to look who wrote it as I thought I had written it!

Because you were a cute baby this time?

To me autism is the bane of my life and I could do without it.

I'm so sorry to hear you think that. I'll share a different perspective which might, possibly interest you.

I am a diagnosed ASD-Level 1. I got the diagnosis a few days before my 65th birthday. Until I was in my 50s I felt increasingly separate and different from other people but I had no desire to be like them--I just wanted a more peaceful coexistence. I thought "the world" was messed up and people were far too often mean, stupid, or messed up. I felt separate but not inferior.

I would never have guessed I was autistic. If someone had suggested it I would have thought they were stupid or deliberately rude--attributes which seemed widespread. It was not until I was 64 that "Reality" encouraged me to find out about autism and I was stunned...so much of what I found described me!! !

After I concluded I was a "High Functioning Autistic" (which I now know is just a colloquial term) I made a horrible, horrible mistake. I thought "Gee! I must be really high functioning!" (I look quite good on paper, especially if it is a small piece of paper), that glow lasted only a few hours. My misguided thought quickly lead to "I wonder if the Internet knows of any other 'successful' autistics." Oh, no. I found things like the following:

- https://allthatsinteresting.com/famous-people-with-autism
- https://awetismhalloffame.wordpress.com/
- https://blog.ongig.com/diversity-and-inclusion/famous-people-with-aspergers-syndrome/
- https://blog.ongig.com/diversity-and-inclusion/famous-people-with-autism/
- https://sites.google.com/site/notableaspiesinartandscience/
- https://www.autism-all-stars.org/autisms-famous-faces/
- https://www.menshealth.com.au/famous-people-with-autism
- https://www.myaspergerschild.com/2010/10/potential-genius-of-aspergers.html
- https://www.ranker.com/list/famous-people-with-autism/celebrity-lists

My ego was so crushed. Instead of "high functioning" I suddenly felt like I had been an utter failure. It took me awhile to salvage my ego by realizing "But, hey, there have been billions and billions of people. I might not be as wondrous as those famous autistics, but hardly anyone--autistic or not--is as good as them! At least I am in the same club as those famous people even if I am not on par with them. I've done OK!!"

Which all is a roundabout way to say that I don't think being autistic is necessarily horrible, it has its good points and its bad points. It really boils down to what you can do with it and despite it. I suspect it would be easier to muddle through life if you know you are autistic and figure out how to work with the quirks it gives you. Knowledge is power!

Sigh. I did not find out til I was 64 and doubly retired. By the time I found out I was autistic it was too late to get much use out of the knowledge. I had muddled through but I wonder whether I could have done better if I had the User's Manual for being an autistic. Don't make my mistake; figure out how autism affects you and work on coping strategies so you can excel--but remember, "the world" is messed up and people are far too often mean, stupid, or messed up...just do what you can to make the world and your world better--the autism is there to stay.

JoanWilder

Since this is your thread I feel obligated to address a few words to you.

There are movies about autistics. My bride had Temple Grandin in our collection before we knew I was autistic. I have since added Adam, Mary and Max, and Mozart and the Whale (in general I prefer movies where the aspie muddles through normal life okay, not where they face and conquer horrible obstacles). But the fictional movie aspie I most admire is Newt Scamander, actor Eddie Redmayne believes Newt is on the spectrum and played him accordingly--and it flavored a wonderful character but did not dominate him.

People so busy / Make me feel dizzy / Taxi light shine so bright
But I don't need no friends
As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset
I am in paradise

Yes, I was born in the '80s so I was really young then, but I love '80s movies and music now.

Joe90 - I sometimes feel like that too, like autism is the bane of my existence and ruining everything, but only sometimes. I hope you can look at it other ways too. I've definitely had to work on coming to terms with my diagnosis, and am still working on it. I feel like it's both a gift and curse sometimes, sometimes in the same breath, but it's not something I can change so I might as well learn ways to better cope with it or how to play to my strengths better. And try to appreciate the good points. So, basically what Double Retired said.

Double Retired - Wow, that's like you could have been describing my experience, except I was 30. I definitely wouldn't have believed someone if they told me I was on the spectrum until I figured it out myself after feeling increasingly different and separate from others. At the time it was a blow to my ego. I always thought I was just smarter than everyone else. My ego is doing better now that I've had some time to sit with it, and realize I am still smart and cool I just am also autistic, and maybe I'm smart and cool in part because I'm autistic.

Thank you for the movie recommendations, great idea! I'll watch them! I like the thought of it flavoring but not dominating the character.

Well, you must have been a tad more aware than I was. It took me til my 50s to even suspect there might be a medically-recognized difference (or maybe it was to hope so). I knew virtually nothing about autism at that point but what little I did know would have inclined me to be offended if someone suggested autism (I know better now!!). Reality had to go out of its way to give me a clue, but I'm an Aspie so once I got the clue I ran with it.

Unlike you, I was absolutely delighted to get the ASD Level 1 diagnosis. It explained so much! I finally had a name for the invisible "something" that had been picking on me my whole life. By that point I was 64 and doubly, blissfully, completely retired so I had the further advantage of not seeing the diagnosis as a warning of obstacles to come but rather an acknowledgement of the obstacles I had gotten past.

Oh, one other possible movie thought. I have not seen and have not found a source for a new copy of (I buy disks) Snow Cake but it is one I hope someday will be in our collection.

Take care, and do the write thing!