Treatment of High Functioning Vs Lower Functioning on W.P

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A Twitter comment I made:

This is sometimes true. More often, I find ableist comments from people who think they have experienced the same problem as the poster, but they have managed to succeed. For example, there are lots of comments like "The same thing happened to me, but I did x, y, z and I overcame it. Here's how you can overcome it too" (insert unsolicited advice which often makes the person feel invalidated).

For example: Poster is upset about their dating life or romantic prospects. Respondent shares the fact that they had lots of dates and lots of sex themselves, and that the poster's situation isn't bleak. They tell the poster to stop worrying about it.

To a person who is suffering with impaired social skills and depression or rejection, this is the equivalent of:

Poster - I am starving. I haven't eaten in five years because (valid reason).

Respondent - Don't worry about it. I was hungry once so I had lots of delicious food. You should do the same and stop being depressed about it. Just shut off your depression with the magic button I have, that you don't have.

Agreed.  It seems that no matter how much one tries to "soft-sell" what they post, there will always be someone who will take exception to it.  Then the circling wolf-pack rushes in to harass the well-intentioned person.  It is very discouraging.

Personally, i don't have a problem with anyone due to disability.

I think that some of the problems on this forum are perhaps created by people who may not even have Autism.
In my experience, and it is hard to say for sure, without more robust evidence.

I believe this forum like most forums on the internet inevitably attract people who look for people who are vulnerable to pick on. Perhaps some are even cyberstalkers.

I know that among far right white supremacist types, it is a behaviour that is fairly common.
And when you understand their world view and perception of people with disabilities, you can see
what they are doing and why.

The far right types who subscribe to neo nazism or similar, see disabled people as subhuman, people with defects and weaknesses that weaken the human race. Such people want people with disabilities (and other things such people classify as "inferior" in terms of genetics) to die, so as to make the human race pure and strong.

I think this is why some of the people on this forum in the past have attacked people including myself.
In the past i also noticed a trend where people came onto the forum only really on a full moon, and when they did,
they caused trouble.

Such a trend to me suggests a type of unsavoury occult ritual abuse.
Hopefully such people no longer frequent this place.

Perhaps if you identify any problems, you can send one of the moderators a message.
I will help if i see any problems.

In life, all should be welcome and treated as equals.
May all sentient beings be happy! Om mani padme hum!

I do believe it's true that people could benefit from the experience of others. I don't feel somebody conveying one's past experience is necessarily "ableist."

The thing to do....is to not claim that your experience will, inevitably, work for another person. Offer your experience as an idea to be considered, rather than something which "must be followed, because it will inevitably work."

I don't feel like people should be prevented from conveying their own experience when they seek to try to help someone.

I often give the "NT response", which I always thought was the wrong way but after reading your post it apparently isn't.


Whenever I write a thread pouring out my emotions I'm usually seeking some sort of empathy or reassurance more so than advice, unless I am asking a specific question on what to do. The advice Aspies often give usually involve computers or music.

Hmmmmm so the message is not necessarily wrong, just the mode of delivery. I think it would help also that if a member who is clearly struggling has expressed discomfort at someone's mode of delivery, and has done so emphatically, it would be good judgement on the one giving advice to not engage with same person repeatedly in the future. This has happened quite frequently in the past and has only made matters worse.

Yep.....mode of delivery is very important.

Make sure you are on an equal basis with the person you're giving the advice to----rather than putting yourself in a position as the "wise man of the mount," or a guru, or someone of that nature. Someone who is superior to the person with whom you are offering advice.

Technically I'm diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, but it seems obvious to me that I'm moderate-functioning, there is a huge difference between me and most of the other Aspies I know. I haven't really experienced much in the way of negative treatment because of it, but I do censor and edit myself to try to avoid harsh reactions (I'm also very hypersensitive to implications that I'm lazy, just not trying hard enough, or don't care, because these are the things I grew up hearing on a very regular basis when in fact, I actually do try my hardest most of the time - all that did was teach me that my best isn't good enough).

There is a mountain of difference between
"I met my wife in a church"
and
"Go to a church to find a wife".

On the other hand, we need to acknowledge that some autistic people may not find this difference obvious, either way. That's part of the condition.

I wanted to chime in and say that I'm not diagnosed with aspergers. I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS because my psych team (yes, I had a team) didn't know what else to do. I was "too autistic" (not their exact words but the gist of it) to be an aspie, but my team didn't feel comfortable giving a grown adult a kanners diagnosis. Had I been diagnosed as a child, I would have gotten the Kanners type dx. I had a mother who didnt like doctors.

I haven't been put on the defensive by anyone here, but honestly, I haven't started a post about my struggles or my life. I don't fear being attacked though I've had WTF moments here because of people saying things I ought were crappy, dismissive, and/or ridiculous. That goes back to when people say things like "oh I didn't this, so you can too", it's not like for all of us. I know a lot of the time it's not that easy for me. In some ways I rock life, in other ways I'm a hot mess. between my sensory issues and executive functioning issues alone, blah.

The problem is, from how I see it, we're dealing with people here who are all unique. Some of you seem to naturally understand how to say the right things at the right times. Others lack that. I don't mean to be critical. Part of autism is issues with communication. Someone can come along and truly mean well and then be shocked when the person they gave the well meaning words to flips out. Other people might be like, well duh, of course you shouldn't have said that, but if you are the kind of person who sucks at tact and diplomacy, of course you will have oops moments. And of course the person on the receiving end will be upset by it. Both sides seem valid to me, unless the person is trolling or something. I like the idea of gently speaking up when you see things like that going on, be it ableism or something else. Even if what you are saying is just encouragement for the person posting.

I have found this community to be very illuminating for me. Members like firemonkey and Mountain Goat have given me insight into the complexity of the autism experience. I am DSM-5 level 1 and would pass as NT on first blush. But I have also been in conversations on whether individuals are autistic enough, so it can cut both ways.

One thing I have learnt is the difference between asking for support and information. Sometimes people need acknowledgement of their struggles. I certainly am trying to understand this brain of mine and the "facts" are not enough to figure that out. And there can be a big difference between the facts of autism and the experience. And from the stories of others experience, it has given me a very different perspective on the challenges people face.

Compassion is not a bad thing to have in mind when posting a response.

Sadly, some people will see "I met my wife in a church" and read it as "Go to a church to find a wife".

There are at least four sides to every act of communication:

1. What the speakers say.
2. What the speakers mean.
3. What the listeners hear (or think they hear).
4. What the listeners assume is meant.

All too often, the assumed meaning is accepted by third parties as what was actually said, and the speakers get run out of town on a rail.

In the church analogy, one has to be patient enough to say that the mere act of going to the church will not guarantee that you will meet someone---just because one person happened to have met his future wife/her future husband at a church, doesn't guarantee the same outcome for somebody else.

Yes, that's why I'm so bent on clarifications, clarifications, clarifications and clarifications.

Or one could just put forth the effort to literally say what they actually mean.

Even then, however, someone will still find fault with it, and make problems for the speaker.