NyborE6 wrote:
I think one of the most hurtful is being classified as uncaring, or lacking empathy.
The first instance of this I can recall is when I was 10 and my great-grandmother died. I didn't cry at the funeral, and afterwards was accused by a family member of being heartless. Similar when my grandfather (who helped raise me) died back in 2012.
It hurts to be thought of as uncaring, because in my view I do care and don't want to see others experience any misfortune. I just don't do well with crying or displaying strong emotions in front of others.
I think in some cases that reaction (or lack thereof) may be justified. Like if the recently-deceased persecuted you, ridiculed you, or made your life miserable in some way w/o trying to understand you i.e. putting the onus 99% on you to understand THEM, and reacting harshly when you "failed" in some way.
If they were more enlightened in their interactions with me, I'd probably cry in that situation. When my late stepmom passed away, who was like a borderline, narcissistic, histrionic Type-A personality who'd regularly emotionally abuse me (and my "beta" father didn't dump her sorry ass in response), her stepkids and others cried, but I couldn't bring myself to do so