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anthropologist from mars wonders how humans date each other

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do you understand how to date somebody?
nope, never have decoded that mystery. :huh: 24%  24%  [ 5 ]
yup, but it was the hardest thing i've ever had to learn how to do. :o 24%  24%  [ 5 ]
yup, it comes naturally to me. :) 10%  10%  [ 2 ]
i'm not sure. :shrug: 19%  19%  [ 4 ]
i don't give a good GD :x 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
where's my strawberry sundae for 2? :chef: 24%  24%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 21

auntblabby
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09 Feb 2022, 12:17 am

cyberdad wrote:
1986 wrote:
I remember having dinner out with a woman at a fancy restaurant when I was actually in a relationship with another woman. The idiot in me didn't understand that such one-to-one dinners usually amount to dating and doing such would seem like cheating. In my mind we were truly just two people eating. It didn't occur to me until many years later why the woman had seemed a bit awkward when I did zero advances and just talked about building design and politics.

Fortunately my partner forgave me because she knew I was ignorant rather than rude, but after that she made sure that I have no more late dinners with single women as long as we are living under the same roof. :oops:


Before meeting my wife I dated an Australian girl who told me upfront she catches up with female and male "friends" 8O and would fit me into her busy schedule around them because she didn't want to stand them up.
I heard she asked a mutual acquaintance why I never called her back :lol:

does Australian girl's behavior [wondering why you never called her back] strike you as arrogant?



cyberdad
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09 Feb 2022, 12:19 am

auntblabby wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
1986 wrote:
I remember having dinner out with a woman at a fancy restaurant when I was actually in a relationship with another woman. The idiot in me didn't understand that such one-to-one dinners usually amount to dating and doing such would seem like cheating. In my mind we were truly just two people eating. It didn't occur to me until many years later why the woman had seemed a bit awkward when I did zero advances and just talked about building design and politics.

Fortunately my partner forgave me because she knew I was ignorant rather than rude, but after that she made sure that I have no more late dinners with single women as long as we are living under the same roof. :oops:


Before meeting my wife I dated an Australian girl who told me upfront she catches up with female and male "friends" 8O and would fit me into her busy schedule around them because she didn't want to stand them up.
I heard she asked a mutual acquaintance why I never called her back :lol:

does Australian girl's behavior [wondering why you never called her back] strike you as arrogant?


That's how I interpreted Blabs. It was the final straw for me with Aussie girls. I had the heebee jeebees the girl had male friends who were also interested in her and I didn't care to share.



auntblabby
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09 Feb 2022, 12:20 am

if i drank tea, i'd likely be a tea totaler. but i don't so i don't know what that makes me, who also avoids alky.



auntblabby
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09 Feb 2022, 12:22 am

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
1986 wrote:
I remember having dinner out with a woman at a fancy restaurant when I was actually in a relationship with another woman. The idiot in me didn't understand that such one-to-one dinners usually amount to dating and doing such would seem like cheating. In my mind we were truly just two people eating. It didn't occur to me until many years later why the woman had seemed a bit awkward when I did zero advances and just talked about building design and politics.

Fortunately my partner forgave me because she knew I was ignorant rather than rude, but after that she made sure that I have no more late dinners with single women as long as we are living under the same roof. :oops:


Before meeting my wife I dated an Australian girl who told me upfront she catches up with female and male "friends" 8O and would fit me into her busy schedule around them because she didn't want to stand them up.
I heard she asked a mutual acquaintance why I never called her back :lol:

does Australian girl's behavior [wondering why you never called her back] strike you as arrogant?


That's how I interpreted Blabs. It was the final straw for me with Aussie girls. I had the heebee jeebees the girl had male friends who were also interested in her and I didn't care to share.

when i was in the army it was suggested by army social worker that american women were not going to go for me and that i should go overseas and get me a war bride. i never wanted to go overseas for any reason. perhaps if i wasn't so hidebound in terms of wanting to stay in the comfort of the familiar amuuurica stateside army assignment, i would be married to some german or asian person and perhaps not even on WP now?



cyberdad
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09 Feb 2022, 12:23 am

auntblabby wrote:
if i drank tea, i'd likely be a tea totaler. but i don't so i don't know what that makes me, who also avoids alky.


Fun Fact: Tea tasters are infact tea-totalers otherwise they can't do their job



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09 Feb 2022, 12:26 am

auntblabby wrote:
when i was in the army it was suggested by army social worker that american women were not going to go for me and that i should go overseas and get me a war bride. i never wanted to go overseas for any reason. perhaps if i wasn't so hidebound in terms of wanting to stay in the comfort of the familiar amuuurica stateside army assignment, i would be married to some german or asian person and perhaps not even on WP now?


Life is short Blabs, If I was single like you I'd go to Japan and teach English and nab a Japanese girl.



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09 Feb 2022, 12:27 am

auntblabby wrote:
hiya :) can you tell me where you remember me from?


I remember you from here on Wrong Planet. You were the first person who made me feel welcome when I joined. I haven't been active much since my initial phase of this place being a special interest, but I like to occasionally check back in here, especially to say hi to DeepHour.

auntblabby wrote:
and how did you convince your husband you and him were for each other? how did you clue him in?


Hmm... there are messy parts to this... I stopped talking to him for a while because I started to feel like I was initiating everything and that he didn't actually like me. Then I couldn't get over him, always seeing him pop up online, so I unfriended him to help me move on. He immediately noticed and reached out to ask if he'd offended me somehow, and then we started talking a little more after that, but not nearly so much as before; that was when he was dating another girl. After he broke up with her he was really depressed, and I was really brokenhearted because I hadn't known about her and felt betrayed he'd kept her a secret from me. But he was truly falling apart and I decided I cared more about making sure he at least had one friend looking out for him than I cared about risking my heart getting more broken by him. So I just went all in on being as selfless and supportive a friend as I could be without any real hope that we'd end up together. After several months of that he decided he didn't want to ever live without me and things moved forward from there.


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auntblabby
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09 Feb 2022, 12:30 am

Carpeta wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
hiya :) can you tell me where you remember me from?


I remember you from here on Wrong Planet. You were the first person who made me feel welcome when I joined. I haven't been active much since my initial phase of this place being a special interest, but I like to occasionally check back in here, especially to say hi to DeepHour.

auntblabby wrote:
and how did you convince your husband you and him were for each other? how did you clue him in?


Hmm... there are messy parts to this... I stopped talking to him for a while because I started to feel like I was initiating everything and that he didn't actually like me. Then I couldn't get over him, always seeing him pop up online, so I unfriended him to help me move on. He immediately noticed and reached out to ask if he'd offended me somehow, and then we started talking a little more after that, but not nearly so much as before; that was when he was dating another girl. After he broke up with her he was really depressed, and I was really brokenhearted because I hadn't known about her and felt betrayed he'd kept her a secret from me. But he was truly falling apart and I decided I cared more about making sure he at least had one friend looking out for him than I cared about risking my heart getting more broken by him. So I just went all in on being as selfless and supportive a friend as I could be without any real hope that we'd end up together. After several months of that he decided he didn't want to ever live without me and things moved forward from there.

i am thankful you remember lil' ol' me. :hail: so your continued unconditional positive affection expressed towards your proto-husband finally made the ol' :idea: go off in his head. so it wasn't like you said to him, "you and me ought to be together!"?



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09 Feb 2022, 12:32 am

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
when i was in the army it was suggested by army social worker that american women were not going to go for me and that i should go overseas and get me a war bride. i never wanted to go overseas for any reason. perhaps if i wasn't so hidebound in terms of wanting to stay in the comfort of the familiar amuuurica stateside army assignment, i would be married to some german or asian person and perhaps not even on WP now?


Life is short Blabs, If I was single like you I'd go to Japan and teach English and nab a Japanese girl.

the time to have done that is when i was in the army. the $/¥ exchange rate for yanks and japanese is insanely bad.



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09 Feb 2022, 12:36 am

auntblabby wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
when i was in the army it was suggested by army social worker that american women were not going to go for me and that i should go overseas and get me a war bride. i never wanted to go overseas for any reason. perhaps if i wasn't so hidebound in terms of wanting to stay in the comfort of the familiar amuuurica stateside army assignment, i would be married to some german or asian person and perhaps not even on WP now?


Life is short Blabs, If I was single like you I'd go to Japan and teach English and nab a Japanese girl.

the time to have done that is when i was in the army. the $/¥ exchange rate for yanks and japanese is insanely bad.


With COVID the agencies are hard up with attracting Americans (who are the most popular teachers). With your part Japanese heritage you would be even more popular.

Watch some of the podcasts from English teachers, the renumeration is quite attractive and enough to live on. Many of language colleges will pay for food/lodging.



Carpeta
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09 Feb 2022, 12:37 am

auntblabby wrote:
so it wasn't like you said to him, "you and me ought to be together!"?


Correct. I'm a wee bit more progressive now, but at the time I believed he had to be the one to openly express interest first. Gender roles an' all.


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auntblabby
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09 Feb 2022, 12:38 am

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
when i was in the army it was suggested by army social worker that american women were not going to go for me and that i should go overseas and get me a war bride. i never wanted to go overseas for any reason. perhaps if i wasn't so hidebound in terms of wanting to stay in the comfort of the familiar amuuurica stateside army assignment, i would be married to some german or asian person and perhaps not even on WP now?


Life is short Blabs, If I was single like you I'd go to Japan and teach English and nab a Japanese girl.

the time to have done that is when i was in the army. the $/¥ exchange rate for yanks and japanese is insanely bad.


With COVID the agencies are hard up with attracting Americans (who are the most popular teachers). With your part Japanese heritage you would be even more popular.

Watch some of the podcasts from English teachers, the renumeration is quite attractive and enough to live on. Many of language colleges will pay for food/lodging.

i will have to google that, but you don't think a senior citizen is too old for that?



auntblabby
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09 Feb 2022, 12:38 am

Carpeta wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
so it wasn't like you said to him, "you and me ought to be together!"?


Correct. I'm a wee bit more progressive now, but at the time I believed he had to be the one to openly express interest first. Gender roles an' all.

how broad of hints did you drop in his lap?



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09 Feb 2022, 12:39 am

auntblabby wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
when i was in the army it was suggested by army social worker that american women were not going to go for me and that i should go overseas and get me a war bride. i never wanted to go overseas for any reason. perhaps if i wasn't so hidebound in terms of wanting to stay in the comfort of the familiar amuuurica stateside army assignment, i would be married to some german or asian person and perhaps not even on WP now?


Life is short Blabs, If I was single like you I'd go to Japan and teach English and nab a Japanese girl.

the time to have done that is when i was in the army. the $/¥ exchange rate for yanks and japanese is insanely bad.


With COVID the agencies are hard up with attracting Americans (who are the most popular teachers). With your part Japanese heritage you would be even more popular.

Watch some of the podcasts from English teachers, the renumeration is quite attractive and enough to live on. Many of language colleges will pay for food/lodging.

i will have to google that, but you don't think a senior citizen is too old for that?


Nope! throughout east Asia the principle of respecting elders means they will love you



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09 Feb 2022, 12:40 am

auntblabby wrote:
how broad of hints did you drop in his lap?


I was trying not to hint, but he was aware of my feelings before he admitted his.


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auntblabby
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09 Feb 2022, 12:43 am

Carpeta wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
how broad of hints did you drop in his lap?


I was trying not to hint, but he was aware of my feelings before he admitted his.

ok, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, were your feelings something that even i could have comprehended, or more subtle than that? i can't tell what people are feeling unless they spell it out. :doh: