What is wrong with the way autistic people communicate?

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14 Jun 2023, 1:36 pm

The way they communicate is strange to me, it feels like with every word or sentence there must be a negative or positive meaning. Most often than not, i communicate to share information. There is no secret meaning whatsoever.

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14 Jun 2023, 2:44 pm

KitLily wrote:

DuckHairback wrote:

Ambiguity can also be intriguing, mysterious, compelling and exciting and many other things. Ambiguity allows us to consider that one thing may be two things until we have further information - quantum thinking! That's what I mean about the three-dimensionality of it, the meaning isn't just in the words.

I don't get that at all.

I like to:

Say what I mean. Mean what I say. Then move onto more interesting stuff. Instead of faffing around wondering what on earth people are woffling on about.

How does this work with your job KitLily? In fiction there's a 'show don't tell' rule isn't there? You must be able to process subtext and inference in writing? Is it more in verbal communication that it causes an issue?

That's how it is for me, I will sometimes be thinking about a conversation later in the day and I'll realise that I was being insulted perhaps, or complimented or something and I just didn't pick up on it. But in writing I don't think I have much of a problem because I can process it at my own speed.

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14 Jun 2023, 3:00 pm

DuckHairback wrote:

KitLily wrote:

I reckon you're overthinking that rather a lot :lol:

I'm just trying to demonstrate the difference between meaning and communication. The words don't mean what I wrote, obviously, I just made that up. But in the context I imagined they can communicate all that weird extra stuff and the exact same words, in the exact same order can communicate a whole load of other weird stuff in countless different contexts.

I find that amazing. That's all.

Thanks for explaining.

I just find it annoying. If someone said Dave was in the break room when I came in this morning. I'd just think, oh, okay then. And move on to something more interesting.

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KitLily
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14 Jun 2023, 3:02 pm

AprilR wrote:

Same here April. I share information that I think people might find interesting or informative.

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14 Jun 2023, 3:13 pm

I've never really thought about it before so I mustn't have any issues in that department.

My trouble is that I'm quite a quick thinker and I tend to predict what people are gonna say to me before they've said it. I think I'm busy reading body language quite a lot. I'm probably not autistic though.

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dudenobody
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14 Jun 2023, 7:23 pm

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way we communicate. I think it’s more that we speak a “different language” that most people don’t like/and or don’t understand.

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14 Jun 2023, 7:45 pm

dudenobody wrote:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way we communicate. I think it’s more that we speak a “different language” that most people don’t like/and or don’t understand.

One that uses complete sentences without superlatives or emotional content, perhaps?

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14 Jun 2023, 7:50 pm

Fnord wrote:

dudenobody wrote:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way we communicate. I think it’s more that we speak a “different language” that most people don’t like/and or don’t understand.

One that uses complete sentences without superlatives or emotional content, perhaps?

That could be it, yes.

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14 Jun 2023, 8:10 pm

dudenobody wrote:

Fnord wrote:

dudenobody wrote:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way we communicate. I think it’s more that we speak a “different language” that most people don’t like/and or don’t understand.

One that uses complete sentences without superlatives or emotional content, perhaps?

That could be it, yes.

One that does not recognize rhetorical question, innuendos, or subtext?

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14 Jun 2023, 9:04 pm

I don't think there's anything wrong with the way that we speak at all. We're direct and to the point and many people don't like that.

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15 Jun 2023, 5:26 am

Fnord wrote:

One that does not recognize rhetorical question, innuendos, or subtext?

Is this not literally a rhetorical question?

No need to answer that btw

Maybe we should have a subtext marker, like the off-topic one? The subtext to this post being: Perhaps (some) autistic people use non-literal communication more than they think they do.

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15 Jun 2023, 6:12 am

DuckHairback wrote:

Fnord wrote:

dudenobody wrote:

Fnord wrote:

dudenobody wrote:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way we communicate. I think it’s more that we speak a “different language” that most people don’t like/and or don’t understand.

One that uses complete sentences without superlatives or emotional content, perhaps?

That could be it, yes.

One that does not recognize rhetorical question, innuendos, or subtext?

Is this not literally a rhetorical question?

No need to answer that btw

Maybe we should have a subtext marker, like the off-topic one? The subtext to this post being: Perhaps (some) autistic people use non-literal communication more than they think they do.

And finally, one that does not take into account any cultural references or any context other than the immediate one.

Sorry, DHB, I was trying to present, in staged installments, my concept of the way we communicate. This stems from a comment my former supervisor made at my retirement luncheon: "He speaks a different language". Then he used the three statements I posted to relate his observations.

• I tend to use complete sentences without superlatives or emotional content.
• I usually do not recognize rhetorical question, innuendos, or subtext.
• I often do not take into account any cultural references or any context other than the immediate one.

Also . . .

• I ask questions to get to the "heart" of the topic under conversation, and some of those questions seem to have little or nothing to do with what the other person is trying to tell me; but if they just answer the question I ask (instead of the one they want me to ask), I can find out what is really going on and provide a solution to their problem.
• I tend to be literal, so (for example) if I ask how many people were present at a meeting, I am asking for a number, not a roll-call.

All of this seems to be relatable by many on the ASD spectrum, especially those who would have once been diagnosed as "Aspies".

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15 Jun 2023, 6:26 am

Fnord wrote:

Sorry, DHB, I was trying to present, in staged installments, my concept of the way we communicate. This stems from a comment my former supervisor made at my retirement luncheon: "He speaks a different language". Then he used the three statements I posted to relate his observations.

• I tend to use complete sentences without superlatives or emotional content.
• I usually do not recognize rhetorical question, innuendos, or subtext.
• I often do not take into account any cultural references or any context other than the immediate one.

No need to apologise to me Fnord, I understood what you were getting at and I appreciate anyone who wants to engage with the discussion. I actually prefer your bulleted recap here because you use tend to/usually/often which seems more accurate to me, and that was part of what I was getting at.

I've read a lot of ASD/Aspies on WP and I see plenty of insinuation, inference and allusion. Maybe not as much as NTs, I can't quantify it, but many ASD people do use these skills very competently, and probably without realising they're doing it a lot of the time.

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15 Jun 2023, 6:33 am

DuckHairback wrote:

Oh yes, I usually get it in writing, I'm far more switched on to written communication. I can usually tell what's going to happen in stories. And also the stories I edit aren't usually very complicated, they are usually romance and erotica, they aren't very deep and meaningful. Boy meets girl/ boy meets boy, they have a few problems, then live happily ever after. I doubt if I'd be any good at editing authors like James Joyce.

It's verbal communication that foxes me. I'm pretty disabled when it comes to listening, hearing, understanding verbal communication e.g. if someone gives me verbal directions I can't take it in, but draw me a map! I can read it easily. Rarely get lost with a map.

I do the same as you with conversations, it often takes me hours/ days/ weeks/ months/ years to realise what happened and who said what to whom.

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15 Jun 2023, 6:37 am

I used to not include qualifiers like "seems to", "may be", and "likely" in my conversations. Then I found out that "telling it like it is" makes many people uncomfortable.

"She seems to have been depressed" is somehow more acceptable than "She was depressed". I do not know why, even though the alleged reasons have been explained to me repeatedly.

Or maybe I do understand their explanations; but I just do not accept those explanations as valid.

:shrug:

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15 Jun 2023, 6:43 am

Fnord wrote:

• I tend to use complete sentences without superlatives or emotional content.
• I usually do not recognize rhetorical question, innuendos, or subtext.
• I often do not take into account any cultural references or any context other than the immediate one.

Also . . .

• I ask questions to get to the "heart" of the topic under conversation, and some of those questions seem to have little or nothing to do with what the other person is trying to tell me; but if they just answer the question I ask (instead of the one they want me to ask), I can find out what is really going on and provide a solution to their problem.
• I tend to be literal, so (for example) if I ask how many people were present at a meeting, I am asking for a number, not a roll-call.

All of this seems to be relatable by many on the ASD spectrum, especially those who would have once been diagnosed as "Aspies".[/color]

I can definitely relate to this.

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