How Should An AS Sufferer Deal With A Gay Man?

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Like, I'm not against Chris Rock or Adam Sandler for being black or jewish, and I'm not against a gay man for being gay. It's how they act, and how much ammunition they give their haters out there.

That is often the response they want, it could actually prolong things. It not like he is being covert about it. There is no reall point in talking to him when you can get the management to do it. He didn't respond to that either so he needs to get a ban.

It is funny you mention Hungary because my dad was there during the 60s behind the iron curtain as a diplomat. One of his colleagues got a bombshell honey trap, and found a bug in his flat. Who did my dad get? Some bloke. He was a bachelor then, and is shy and aspie like. Possibly the Hungarian secret police thought he was gay. This guy’s story is he wanted to defect. They weren’t allowed to help anyone. So it could have been a blackmail attempt to get my dad to spy and provide documents.

He told me that after we watched The Lives of Others. He was saying how the buildings in that film reminded him of Hungary. But was saying that the Hungarian internal police where no where near as thorough or capable as the stazi were. It just wasn't in their nature and there were probably more disposed to spying than counter intelligence.

That is overly simplistic to say the least. Male homosexuals seem almost to be some wierd other dimension type person. They don't seem to be female.

They are almost like the kind of people one would expect to see in a world where the addams family was the norm.

Steve

Some women DO hit on men, and I tend to be over cautious with women.

Like I said, take legal action, alert the authorities if you have to. The first thing to do is always when a gay man first hits on you is to nicely tell him "hey I'm sorry but I am heterosexual", maybe even offer him friendship if you think you could be friends with him.
But in this case in particular, this guy won't take no for an answer. So the best thing you can do is threaten legal action and see where it goes, he might back off with the sheer threat of legal action, but if he doesn't, then don't hesitate to carry it through. There are a number of gays out there who are like this, who won't accept that the person theyr hitting on is straight. It's those gays who give homosexuality a bad name. But theyr not every gay person.
Like I said, it's possible he might back off with the mere threat of legal action, but then again I don't know the guy. If he doesn't, press legal action.

well when a ghey dude hit on me at the rec center, i just never went back. problem solved

I was with my college roommate when a similar aggressive man was trying to get our phone number at a student rec center. My roommate was more naive than a typical aspie and thought he just wanted to be our friend. As my room mate gave him our room number the man then asked for our phone number. I quickly gave a fake number.

Cheers to sabatoge!!

Ed,

I have no idea of what the social mores are like in Hungary, but even here in the US we are still not overly 'politically correct', if somebody does not get the hint that you want no part of their sexual advances, the cops will sometimes let you off if they get involved.

The first thing that I would do, however is to explain in excruciating detail to the health club's management what this guy is doing, and tell them that even though you have asked him to stop stalking you, ( This is, after all what he is doing to you) but he still persists.

Also, even though I happen to be gay, this has happened to me a few times, and it infuriates me to no end when people cannot take a simple 'No' as a valid answer to their advances. You may have to punch him for him to understand.

Also, I agree with what the guy from N. Ireland said. No means no, irregardless of genders involved.

Do you talk much to the other people there? If so, mention his behaviour to everyone you know. Id feel bad about doing that without taking it up 1 to 1 first, but it hes definately an unrepentant pest beyond doubt, why not?

(This could be a flawed idea, so id wait for more opinions)

Running computer simulation.........

Alpha 1 simulation of forceful intervention:

Ed: "Maybe your under the impression I'm gay...well I'm not"

The_dude:"thats cool"

Ed: "kind of creeps me out when your looking at me naked"

The_dude:"don't flatter yourself dude"

Ed:"say what?"

The_dude:"you heard me"

Ed:PUNCH!! !! !![(the_dude slams into a locker)

------police called---------

Officer_The_dudes_brother: "what happen to your nose little brother?"

The_dude:"That man hit me"

Officer_The_dudes_brother:(cuffs Ed, forcesfully manhandles Ed)" so what your problem guy?)

Ed: "That guy has been harrasing and stalking me"

Officer_The_dudes_brother:"No you didnt, no you didnt just call my liittle brother a sissy man"

-----police station-------

(Ed beaten by two cops in back room)

-----jail cell---------

Officer_The_dudes_brother:"Hey Checkers brought you a friend"

Ed: (oh dear).

Wait, think that brings up a very relevent AS awareness point. Don't tell the guy you don't like him looking at you while you are naked . Because then as seen above you wind up handcuffed and naked.

Seriouslly I can imagine how embarassing this can be to even complain about but remember the shame is not yours, it's the person consciously doing something they're not supposed to be!

Lots of replies from you all and there's some useful ideas in there. As of lunchtime Thursday this is the latest situation:

1) My lawyer will be contacting the health club management today by registered mail. His letter will list all of the incidents that have happened in the past and ask for this guys membership to be terminated.

2) If there is still a problem then the lawyer will commence seperate civil actions against the member concerned, the health club manager and the owners of the health club. The civil action will seek damages for sexual harassment and offences against the person under the Hungarian Legal Code. There is no specific law concerning stalking in Hungary.

The good news is that living costs (including legal costs) are a lot lower in Hungary than in the USA. Two hours of the lawyers time including coffee came to about fifteen bucks and the letter adds another ten bucks to that. The civil actions listed in (2) will of course cost more but I suspect that it will not come to that.

Thanks for all your help.

Ed Almos

You say he is following you around? He didn't have a black trench coat and hat like this:

Image did not load refered from WP so I saved it and loaded it to a
hosting site.




If $25 buys you a letter from a lawyer I figure $250 would buy you a hitman service by a police officer on his day off.

Well the Hungarians assassinated a defector with ricin tipped umbrella in the UK. So they are not clueless on the subject.