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Insensitive aspies and autists

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ChatBrat
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03 Nov 2007, 11:47 am

likedcalico wrote:
I used to say rude things all the time when I was little and I even asked lot of rude questions too.


All those examples remind me of me.


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ChatBrat
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03 Nov 2007, 11:51 am

Hazelwudi wrote:
When you're trying to get along with people, this bit of old-fashioned advice is very useful:

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Also, it might seem like a paradox to you, but sometimes the more obvious something is, the less it needs to be pointed out. What kind of person runs around at noon on a cloudless summer's day saying, "Look! Look! The sun is shining! Look! The sun!" Think about that, the next time you're tempted to state the totally obvious. :)


Hazelwudi wrote:
Talking to a person involves the natural give and take of conversation. They talk a bit, you talk a bit, etc... and each of you respond to what the other said.

Talking at a person involves lecturing them or otherwise delivering a monologue, with them hardly able to slip a word in edgewise.


All of that is really good advice... especially the one that says not to state the obvious... if I can remember that and put it to practice, I think that will help me tremendously. "Don't state the obvious." I should make that my new signature : )


_________________
I'm selfish, impatient, &
a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am
out of control, & at times
hard to handle.
But if you can't handle
me at my worst,
then you sure as hell
don't deserve me
at my best.
-Marilyn Monroe


Irulan
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03 Nov 2007, 3:25 pm

Hazelwudi wrote:
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.


There were some situations I was going to pay a nice compliment to someone but having pondered it, I realized it would be the best solution not to say anything then because said people would think for sure I wanted to be malicious - for example once I wanted to say one lady that her face is characterized by really unusual beauty but unfortunately her nose fits to the rest of face not more than a cockroach to a wedding cake (it's true but not nice despite the fact I had a good will). Another woman would not also be very happy having heard from me that her legs are not that fat if compared with the rest of her body. There was also a lady whose legs look like very delicious, plump sausages to me but it's not also a compliment somebody would be happy to hear. So said gals heard those things only in my imagination.



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17 May 2014, 10:49 pm

3 questions to ask yourself if you want to communicate in a more user friendly way:

Before you speak ask yourself:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?

Especially so in group situations where you don't know the other people very well.

Conversely, if it is true, but unkind, and unnecessary - it alienates people and they think you are one-upper, even if you think your motives are good.

And if in doubt, leave it out!



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18 May 2014, 1:16 am

This thread reminds me of one time when I was in business school and I had said something (can't remember what) and one woman in my class seemed shocked that I'd said it and sarcastically said "tell us what you really think!" & I replied, genuinely, with something like: "I did. Why would I say anything else?" & was legitimately confused as to why people would expect others not to share their actual opinion on something. Noooooow I fully comprehend that it's simply not socially acceptable to speak your mind at all times, especially with topics that could be considered controversial.


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neobluex
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18 May 2014, 8:26 am

I don't say rude things.

Also, I don't say nice things.

Actually I don't share what's on my mind.