I was raised in a"mechanical" manner, and my parents were very strict. They seemed to have little or no knowledge about the concept of emotional needs, and were only concerned about three things: me obeying them without question; my grades in school; and making sure I had food, clothes, and shelter. Anything emotion-related was supposedly just superfluous stuff I needed to get over. After seeing girls play with dolls, I came to an unsettling conclusion (from my point of view now): just as kids can control dolls to suit their own needs, adults can control kids to suit their own needs. So following that, I tried to be a "perfect" child, but failed miserably, and got punished on average two or three times a week. To add insult to the injury, I had an older sister who my parents treated way better than they treated me. She had way more freedom, and when she misbehaved, she got a five-minute scolding while I got a hard spanking and loss of TV for a week, even for doing the exact same thing she did. Talking to my other relatives didn't help. They'd take my parents' side and tell them what I said; then I'd be punished for "complaining".
To this day (I'm now 25), I feel very little closeness to my parents. I visit them and talk to them, but my heart is not in it. As for my older sister, I don't trust her any more than I can throw her.
29 Dec 2008, 4:46 pm
